The "Emotional Permission" Technique: How to Make Women Feel Safe Getting Attracted to You

0:00 So, as you listen to this podcast, as you get better with women, what usually happens for most guys is they tighten up their game, they start teasing girls more, they know how to play fight with girls, but then what happens, and this happened to me when I lived in Arizona, you get labeled as a player. See, women can get attracted to you on one channel, but if the other channel is telling them, no, I don't have enough trust, connection, and rapport with this dude, then she will refuse to hook up with you.

0:28 So, there needs to be that dichotomy, boys, some trust, warmth, connection, as well as game, getting her on the emotional high note, being mysterious, messing with her, having frame control. And in this episode, we're going to talk about warmth. The Unapologetic Man Podcast. One of the biggest reasons that guys like you and I won't get a phone number from a girl or she'll refuse to come out with us or, more importantly, refuse to have sex with us is because we're we're not getting emotional permission from her.

1:00 Now, why is it that it's only specific to guys like you and I? Because as a listener to this podcast, you've probably gotten to the point where you understand how to basically game girls, right? Like my last two episodes, I talked about how to be a challenge, how to make girls feel nervous around you. I talked about hypo stories, teasing them, telling stories in a certain way, being that fun guy that women get attracted to. Well, if you've been listening to this podcast for a long time, you understand the concept of not to be fucked with.

1:30 You understand the concept of frame control. And you understand that when you're a nice guy, when you're a lap dog, women are not going to respect you. So as you listen to this podcast, as you get better with women, what usually happens for most guys is they tighten up their game. They start teasing girls more. They know how to play fight with girls. They know how to tell stories in a fun and intriguing way. But then what happens, and this happened to me when I lived in Arizona, you get labeled as a player.

1:58 See, women can get attracted to you on one channel. But if the other channel is telling them no, called the emotional permission channel, if that channel is saying, I can't trust this guy, I don't have enough trust, connection, and rapport with this dude, then she will refuse to hook up with you. I have had it told to me many, many times that, Mark, I'm attracted to you, but I'm not going to let you touch me. And I'd be like, why not? And they'd be like, because I don't trust you.

2:27 You're a player. I can tell you're just going to fuck me and leave me. So it occurred to me, especially when I lived in Arizona, and this was before I moved to Colorado, where I finally figured this stuff out and then obviously started this podcast. When I lived in Arizona, it occurred to me, okay, so you can get a girl highly attracted to you, and she'll want to have sex with you on one channel. But if the other channel, the trust and connection channel, as I call it, or the emotional permission channel, if that channel isn't satisfied, she will refuse to do so.

2:59 So as I told you guys in subsequent episodes, attracting women is a very nebulous thing, right? As I said in a previous episode, you need lots of different ingredients in order to bake that cake that's going to actually succeed. Well, emotional permission is absolutely required for a girl to, as I said, give your phone number, go on a date with you, have sex with you. So in today's episode, I'm going to teach you how to do that. Now, most guys who don't listen to this episode, they do this naturally.

3:27 In fact, they do too much of this. They build rapport. They go for commonalities. They have boring-ass conversations that don't elicit emotions. They get rapport. They get emotional permission, but they don't get attraction. So this is why they go into the friend zone, because she's like, I can trust this guy. He feels great. I like being around him. He's like really sweet, and I really like him, but I'm going to blow him out so hard when the concussion hits, it's going to blow the condom off his millimeter, Peter, because she's not getting enough emotional attraction.

3:59 So the reason why I spend so much time in this podcast talking about these techniques like hypo stories, push-pull, cold reading, RCR, the five-finger death punch, strawberry fields, all these things that I teach, the reason why I spend so much time doing it both in this podcast as well as my three-month coaching program is because guys need that. They need to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to be a mystery to women, how to make women feel nervous around them.

4:25 They need frame control. They need to qualify chicks to make them work for them. And what happens is they start to be perceived as players. They let go of all the trust and connection stuff, which is still very necessary because in their experience, they're like, well, I built trust and connection in the past. I was really cool to these girls. I had warmth. I had empathy. And what did it do for me? It got me locked in the friend zone prison. And the next thing I'm doing is going to Safeway and buying 10 mayonnaise jars and doing unspeakable things to them because I'm not getting laid.

4:56 Every time I whack off, I catch on fire because my dick is so fucking dry. So there needs to be that dichotomy, boys. Some trust, warmth, connection, the emotional permission from the girl, as well as game, quote unquote, getting her on the emotional high note, being mysterious, messing with her, having frame control. And in this episode, we're going to talk about warmth. But I don't want you to make the mistake of going back to those bad habits of being the nice guy, doing her favors. This isn't necessarily the warmth that I'm talking about.

5:27 At the same time, a lot of you still need to bring it back in because you may be getting rejected where you thought she was attracted. And you're like, dude, what am I doing wrong? You're not building enough of this warmth. You're not getting emotional permission. This weekend, I was out with my buddy, Jake. What's up, Jake, if you're listening? He kind of looks like that guy Rick from Pawn Stars. Did you ever see that show, Pawn Stars? He kind of has a bald head. He's a little bit overweight.

5:51 He's a little bit older. So we went out to the nightclubs. And this is actually a client of mine that graduated the program about six months ago. So we went out to the nightclubs this weekend. And homeboy was just fucking crushing it. All the girls were attracted to him. I think he got three phone numbers and he got a one-night stand that night. Super proud of you, Jake. I mean, she wasn't the hottest girl in the world. But a lot of times with one-night stands, it's logistics.

6:15 Like who is ready to do it and who has the best logistics. He got attraction and numbers from really cute girls. But the girl he went home with, I was kind of busting his chops. I'm like, damn, bro, unfrozen cavewoman. But he still got it in, right? He jumped that canyon. He cracked that meat curtain. And Jake, I'm proud of you, brother. But I was thinking about him this morning before I did this podcast. And I'm like, what was different about him before he started the program and after?

6:39 And what it was is basically his thought patterns. What a lot of guys don't realize, especially people who haven't been in this niche for a while, as you probably have, they don't realize that your behavior is 99% dictating how much attraction girls get to you. So if you have little nerd mannerisms, you have little insecurities in your body language, that's going to be telegraphed to women and they won't be able to get attracted to you. So where does that come from? It comes from belief systems. So as I was watching Jake run his game and get these girls attracted to him, they're all like laughing at his jokes and he's just fucking killing.

7:14 I was so proud, dude. I kind of got a tear in my non-shooting eye because my boy Jake was killing it. I just couldn't help but be proud of what we've created in this program. The mix of NLP with these genius techniques that I've come up with over two decades of being in this niche just creates so much fucking success. I got to pat myself on the back a little bit. I got to smack my own ass a little bit because guys, this shit is un-be-fucking-lievable.

7:40 The success that we're getting, a 95% success rate. So I want to tell you, man, like brother to brother, heart to heart, look at Jake. He looks literally like that guy Rick from Pawn Stars. He's not attractive and he'd tell you that himself. He doesn't mind me saying this on the podcast. What was the difference between where he was before where he was getting zero action to where he is now, NLP, neuro-linguistic programming to remap his belief systems and thus make him behave differently? It doesn't matter what you look like.

8:13 It doesn't matter how much money you have. It doesn't matter if you do look like Jake where you're fat and bald and not very good looking. It's your behavior that matters. What if NLP is that one differentiating factor that can turn you from getting girls here and there, getting girls that aren't up to your standards into a fucking girl magnet the way Jake is, getting laid whenever he wants, getting three high-quality girls' phone numbers. And I talk to him too and I'm like, Jake, these chicks are really good chicks.

8:41 This is the difference. Your behavior and your behavior is dictated by your belief systems. Let's talk, brother. Put it in an application below. I'm opening up a few spots in my program. It doesn't always happen and lets you and I talk to see if you too can get your dating life 10x'd in just three months. Imagine what your life would be like if you could get 10x more girls, 10x hotter girls to get to the goals that you really want with women. I'm telling you, man, it's all in your head.

9:09 It doesn't matter what you look like. It doesn't matter how much money you have. You could be short, fat, ugly, bald, look like a chicken McNugget with tits or a turnip standing vertically with a penis on the thing. It's all about your behavior and your behavior is dictated by your belief systems. Put in your application below and let's you and I talk. All right. The emotional permission technique. This is really simple, but I want you guys to really consider what I'm saying here because again, if you've gotten good with women, you're getting some attraction, but you just can't seem to close the deal.

9:39 I can almost guarantee you it's a lack of emotional permission. And before you go, I'm going to give you seven or eight questions to ask girls to get them feeling like they can trust you, to get that channel, the emotional permission channel to flip on so that they'll feel comfortable to go home with you, to have sex with you and to take the relationship into the next level. So what we have to understand is, yes, we do need to be real in the conversation. We do need to have warmth.

10:08 We do need to build that trust and connection. How much should you build? Well, in the first conversation, it should be 80% like running game, telling stories, busting her chops, play fighting with her, answering things in a funny way, and then 20% real. And when I say real, it's just like having the conversation that most guys have, being interested in her hopes and dreams, asking her personal questions, being warm and feeling like you're really listening to her when she's telling you about herself. One of the techniques I always do when I'm speaking to women is when I'm trying to build this emotional connection, when I'm trying to get that emotional permission from her, I'll ask her a question, some of which I'm going to give you today, that will get her talking about herself.

10:54 And instead of trying to fix her problems or give her advice, I just simply sit there listening to her. Now, this seems like a concept, but really it's not. It's emptiness. And that's the key to being a good listener with women. And this is part of being warm, giving her that warm, trustworthy feeling, that good vibe from you that you need to generate in order to get that emotional permission. You simply listen to her with zero thoughts in your head. Some of you guys know I'm a big fan of Eckhart Tolle and the book, The Power of Now, in my opinion, the most important book ever written.

11:30 If you haven't read it, I highly suggest you do so as soon as possible. But what he talks about in that book is to simply be present, to be in the present moment. So applying that to a woman who you're speaking to, let's say she's talking to you. All you need to do is be silent and have no thoughts. You're actually listening to her. You're completely present. She feels like there's a space there for her to express herself, for her to be herself, and you are accepting her.

12:00 You're not trying to solve her problems. You're not thinking about your next answer. In fact, I often take this as a break. I often say to myself, cool, man, she's talking. I can finally relax. Because as we know, gaming girls is sometimes a lot of work. You got to do these gambits. You got to tell these stories. You got to put out good energy. But when you're building trust and connection, which again should be at least 20% of your conversation, you can shut the fuck up and just meditate.

12:27 Feel your heart. And this is something I always do. I feel inside my body and I feel my heart. As I look at her, I have good eye contact and I'm just present. I'm warm. I'm a safe space for her to express herself. And guys, this is so ridiculously effective and most guys don't utilize it. Even the nice guys who go into the friend zone, most of the time, they're like trying to think of what to say. Most of the time, they're trying to be agreeable, doing her favors, jumping through her hoops, being a fucking lapdog and a clown who's trying to entertain her.

12:59 And consequently, his dick is so dry, he's going to move to Palm Springs, California. What those guys fail to realize is you only need a little bit of this. And all you have to do is shut the fuck up, not solve her problems. Don't do her favors. Don't compliment her. Just listen to her. When you're having a conversation with her, you just want to listen. You want to ask her questions. Again, I'm going to give you several questions here in a minute, but you just want to listen with presence.

13:26 Another thing we can do is throw out little instances of chivalry. For example, we're talking in a busy nightclub and I notice people are kind of bumping into her. I'll be like, hey, I noticed you're kind of getting bumped into. Come here. Let's move over here and put her next to a safe area where she's not getting bumped into. Or if you could tell she's cold, move her over to a heat lamp. Or if you could tell she needs a napkin. Yeah, go get her one.

13:49 Be like, hey, listen, it looks like you're getting all wet with your drink there. It's like perspirating all over you. Hold on a second. Let me give you a napkin. These little instances of chivalry. How much? 20% in that first conversation. So the first conversation, you're doing 20% of these nice things. And again, a lot of guys do this naturally. They do it with a needy vibe behind it, which is what we want to avoid. But you guys are probably all experts at just being cool, being warm, building rapport, being interested in what she does, being interested in what her hopes and dreams are, what the best day of her life was when she was a kid, what she wanted to become when she was a kid, what she would do without any chance of failure.

14:28 And that's a question I always ask them. What would you do if you knew you had zero chance of failure? Oh my God, man, this gets girls really pumped up. And I'd ask you the same thing. What would you be doing right now, brother, if you had zero chance of failure? You knew you could make a living at it. You knew you would not only make a living, but you'd probably become rich. And by the way, the passion that's inside of you boys, and this is probably something I might tell a girl, right?

14:53 To build that trust and connection. The passion that's inside of you is your spirit speaking to you, telling you the direction it wants to go. So always follow your passions. Even if you can't see how it would make you money or you would never be able to make a living from it in your mind, you would be able to make a living from it. Even those guys who have hobbies that they think I'd never be able to make money from this. You would follow your passion.

15:18 It will always lead you to success. That's what I did. And I failed in this industry for 10 years, but I refuse to give up. And now I'm a monumental success. If you keep pushing, the results will come. Failure cannot cope with persistence. And that too is a strategy. Show her some of your vulnerabilities. Tell her about some of the things you persevered past. Tell her about your dreams. Now, the one thing you have to remember about showing women vulnerability, quote unquote, is that you have to show that you're not being taken down by it, but you have the wherewithal to get through it.

15:52 And furthermore, those things that you persevered past in your past need to be shown that you got through them with strength, perseverance, and courage. So never tell a woman your vulnerabilities like you're crying in her lap because you can't overcome this challenge. And you hope that your tears will be used as lubricant for sex. It's not like that. It's talking about how, for example, when I lived in Japan and I did wedding ceremonies, I used to have panic attacks during the 200 wedding ceremonies that I performed.

16:23 Well, I found NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming, the same NLP, by the way, that I offer my boys in my three-month coaching program. And it completely ridded me of all my anxiety. That is a story I tell the women all the time to show that I'm real, to show that I'm not just some fuck boy who's trying to get into her underwear. Oh, let me take your phone number, take you on a date, and take your underwear off. She can feel that take her mentality from you.

16:49 And this, too, is why I talk about being a go-giver. Go in there trying to make her better. Teach her something, mentor her, another huge way to build emotional connection and get that emotional permission inside her head. So we want to go in. We want to be that warm dude who's just cool. We're just real. But at the same time, we're showing her we're not to be fucked with. We're willing to tease her. Yeah, other girls like us. But honestly, like the conversation we're having is, in my opinion, better than the conversations I have with other girls.

17:22 You're just different. Oh, let me tell you a little bit about some vulnerabilities I ever came. Let me ask you some questions about how you've overcome some of your stuff or where you want to go with your hopes and dreams. Let me be a little chivalrous with you. Open the door when it's in my path for you. If we're going to go on a hike together and we're like two minutes from the house and you say, oh, man, I wish I wore different shoes, I'd be like, it's cool.

17:46 Let me turn around and get you the shoes you want. It's those little gestures of chivalry, of warmth, of trust and connection that will usually break down their walls. Give them emotional permission inside their head. Because remember, there's multiple channels that we need to flip in order to get them to trust us. And then they will be more likely to give you their phone number, go out with you. And yes, boys, have sex with you. Now let's get into some of the questions that you might ask a girl in that conversation to flip that emotional permission trigger so that she can feel comfortable being attracted to you.

18:21 All right, what's something most people totally get wrong about you when they first meet you? That one's awesome, builds a lot of trust very quickly. If you had a time machine but could only visit one moment from your past, what moment would that be? Oh, my God, boys, that one fucking kills. What's the most trouble you got into as a child? Like, what's the worst thing you ever did? And I have some funny stories about how I got into trouble as a child. And this, too, is going to build trust, connection, that rapport, that connectedness, that emotional permission.

18:53 What's something you've tried that you'll never do again? If you could have dinner with someone in history, alive or dead, who would it be and why? I ask that one all the time. What would you do with your life if I just gave you $100 million? What would you do with your life? And that, by the way, boys, is a segue I take into that's what you should be doing. And she's like, but I don't have $100 million. And you say, yeah, but when you follow your passion, your passion is your soul's compass guiding you to where it wants to go because your soul communicates you through your passion.

19:26 Every single decision I've ever made in my life, I made it off of what I wanted to do, my passion, and I just followed it blindly. And somehow everything has always worked out for me. Huge, guys. Not only are you getting her into her emotions, you're also getting her to daydream about her ideal life, releasing those good-feeling emotions, and you're mentoring her, teaching her about how the law of attraction works, how life really works, and how to get to the life that she really wants. Now, some of you may be asking, but Mark, you just told me just to listen to her, not to try to solve her problems.

19:59 Yeah, there's a little bit of listening to her. But when you feel the opportunity and you feel she'd be open to it, you can mentor her and try to bring her into a better life. The majority of my listeners are in their mid-30s, so we're usually talking to slightly younger girls. So mentoring is a huge attraction-building technique that works so fucking good. Next question is, if you could do anything without any chance of failure, what would it be and why? That is my all-time favorite question.

20:26 And the last one, boys, what's your all-time favorite thing to do? This, again, gets her into her emotions. Just let her talk. Be present. Focus on your heart. Be where you're at. Wrinkle your eyebrows. Purse your lips. And look at her as she talks. And somehow, you're going to end up being a big sweetheart. So in the beginning conversation, we do 20% of this, 80% the flirting techniques. The first date's the same thing, about 20%. It's a little bit different depending on the girl, but 20% to 30% on the first date, 70% to 80% flirting techniques, being fun, having a good time.

21:02 Second date, that goes down to 70-30. Third date, that goes down to 60-40. And then when you're in a relationship with her or fourth date and beyond, it's about 50-50. So with my woman, Marissa, right? Half the time, we're joking around. We're busting each other's chops. We always like play fight. We always kind of talk shit to each other in a joking way, and we laugh a lot. And then the other 50% is me being real. Like, hey, how was your day today? Hey, how's that dream going for you?

21:29 Hey, how are you feeling about XYZ tragedy that happened to your family? You're real. So in the beginning, most guys, the average dude who doesn't listen to the UMP, has nothing but trust, connection, and building rapport. It gets them in the friend zone. Guys like you and I, we realize that didn't work. Then we go hardcore on the attraction building stuff, the being a challenge stuff, the mystery stuff, and then they don't trust us. So eventually, we arrive to the point where we understand we need to have the attraction, and we need to have the emotional permission.

22:00 We need to have that warmth, that trust, that connection, that rapport, and that's the perfect combination. Boys, if you can get this down, I absolutely guarantee you, as your Uncle Mark Singh, girls are going to fall in love with you. They're going to get sprung on you. They're going to chase you. They're going to beg you to be with them. And yeah, man, they're going to bother you to marry them, because guys who have this are so few and far between. It seems like it's either one extreme or the other.

22:28 Either he's a bad boy, jerk, can't be trusted, yet I feel attracted to him, says the girl in her head. But I can't trust him, so I'm not going to have sex with him. Or it's Mr. Nice Guy, Mr. Lab Dog, Mr. Let Me Cry in Your Lap, so that hopefully my tears will be used as lubricant for sex, which we also know doesn't work. So it's 80-20 in the beginning. Then it goes to 70-30 on the second date, 60-40 on the third date, 50-50 from the fourth date and beyond.

22:54 Take those questions that I listed out for you boys. I actually yanked those off a gigantic list. I haven't looked at that list in a long time. And I was like, holy shit, for my three-month coaching program of just question after question after question. And that's what you get in my coaching program. I give you templates. I give you ideas. I give you so much content. You'll never run out of things to talk about with girls again. But I also remap your belief systems, your traumas, your meta programs, your schemas and archetypes so that you behave correctly with women and they get attracted to you on autopilot.

23:27 Just like they did with Jake this weekend. The guy who looks like Rick from Pawn Stars, fat, short, bald, not very good looking, kind of looks like an unfrozen caveman, yet he was pulling all those girls. What's the difference? What's the difference between him and you, bro? Why is it that he's getting the success when he never did before? It's because we remapped his brain so that now he behaves differently. Those subtle micro expressions, those subtle body language movements that could be the distance between you and where you are now and where you want to be with women.

23:59 What's to lose, man? A simple conversation with me and my team. There's nothing to lose. Step into your masculine energy. Be towards oriented. Be courageous and put in your fucking application below. And if it's a money thing, I know money is the biggest excuse that you guys like to make. We will figure out the money thing. Let's just talk about it and see if it makes sense to work together. Put in your application right now and you and I will talk. All right, gentlemen, I drop podcasts every Tuesday.

24:25 I have an awesome one coming up next Tuesday. So please stay tuned for that one and I'll see you in the next episode. What is up, brother? Just wanted to thank you sincerely for watching this episode. If you've gotten any value whatsoever out of my content, the single best way to help me is to like, comment, subscribe, leave me a review. You have no idea how much that helps me. Also, if you're struggling with women and you want to talk to me personally about how I can help you achieve your goals with women, sign up for my three-month coaching program below and you and I will talk.

24:58 Join us in the unapologetic army.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.