THE 5 PHASES OF TRUE CONFIDENCE — Where Do You Rank?

0:00 Confidence, obviously, is how you feel about yourself. It's how you feel about the world around you, how much you worry about how people are judging you, how much you worry about your reputation, and as I always talk about, how internally validated you are. You think being confident is having more money, having a better car, having more chicks, being on your Instagram with hot girls. That's the initial stages. You see, being masculine means that you're internally validated. And what that means is you get your validation from inside yourself.

0:33 You don't need outside opinions to tell you how you feel about yourself. We want to get you to the point where you just love yourself, where you accept yourself, and you can be genuine again, where you can be childlike again. The Unapologetic Man Podcast. What is up, you champions? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I super appreciate you joining me. And today, boys, we are going to talk about the evolution of confidence. Where are you on this scale? There are five stages.

1:01 When you're going through confidence, when you're getting more comfortable with yourself, when you're really getting that internal validation that I always talk about. And I want to know kind of where you are on this scale. I'm sure you're curious where you are as well on this scale. It's not always so locked in. Sometimes you move to this point on the scale. Sometimes you move to that point on the scale. I mean, if I'm honest with you guys, sometimes I'm a fucking number one, but sometimes I'm a number five.

1:28 It kind of depends of the state of consciousness I'm in, how I'm feeling that day. But generally speaking, I do feel that I'm towards the later part of these that I'm going to talk about. And I'm curious where you are on this scale. And I'm sure you're curious too. So let's jump into the content. All right, boys. So confidence obviously is how you feel about yourself. It's how you feel about the world around you, how much you worry about how people are judging you, how much you worry about your reputation.

1:57 And as I always talk about how internally validated you are, you see being masculine means that you're internally validated. And what that means is you get your validation from inside yourself. You don't need outside opinions to tell you how you feel about yourself. As I always talk about, a highly masculine man has filters in front of himself. So basically somebody says something, it goes through multiple filters before it hits him. And then based on those filters, he judges whether or not he's going to accept that comment.

2:30 So if a girl tells you you are unattractive, how would that affect you? Would you just take it at base value or would you run it through your own filters first and say, nah, she's fucking full of shit. I am attractive. And that's the evolution of consciousness. Where are you on that scale? Are you dependent on outside or are you dependent on inside? So the first stage is that you are dependent on the outside. Your confidence is derived from how well you do, how much people compliment you, how many girls you get, how many trophies you have on the shelf, how many pats on the back and smacks on the ass you get on a day-to-day basis.

3:08 That's where you're basing your sense of self-esteem. That's where you're basing your confidence. But obviously it's unreliable and it's not what we want to do because it's unreliable. Women are externally validated, which means they like to get external validation. They like guys checking them out. They always check how many messages they get. They check how many likes they're getting on Instagram. They're very externally validated because that's feminine and that's okay for a woman. This is why women get dressed up, spend so much money on their hair, wear makeup, try to work out to be hotter.

3:41 And frankly, as a man just like you, I appreciate it. Nothing is better than a hot girl or a girl who tries to make herself as physically attractive as possible. We fucking love it. In fact, boys, you may not know this, when you look at a hot girl, there's actually serotonin that's released in your brain. I don't know if that's the exact chemical. I'm going to obviously get some guys like, it's not serotonin, it's maxidifiline. Whatever the fuck it is, it makes you feel good. That's why it's so hard not to look, right?

4:10 You see a hot girl and you're like, don't look, man, don't look. And you're like, fuck, I looked and she caught me. Happens to all of us. It's because literally chemicals are released in your brain. So women are designed that way. They're supposed to be externally validated, but men were supposed to be internally validated. So if you're looking for people that tell you that you're good enough, if you're looking for outside evidence, you are essentially in the first stage of confidence, which is non-confidence because it's not from within yourself.

4:39 It's from without yourself. And by the way, this is a big issue for really good looking guys because they're always getting checked out by chicks. People are telling them how handsome they are. So they start to get dependent on that. And then when they lose it later in life, they have a real conundrum. They used to rely on their looks. They used to feel good about themselves because of their looks, but now they don't have that anymore. Their looks have deteriorated. And this will oftentimes be a big challenge for some guys.

5:07 But for most of us who are average looking, that doesn't happen. And we begin by trying to get people to tell us we're good enough. But of course, that's not true confidence. That's ego relying on external factors. The second stage of confidence is that you don't need that outside validation. You become, once again, what I call internally validated. You've had some outside validation. You get it from time to time. But it really doesn't mean much to you, right? Like when people compliment me, I'm just like, yeah, thanks, bro.

5:40 I appreciate that. But really, what they think of me is none of my business, which is actually my favorite book title. What you think of me is none of my business. And that's the second stage of confidence where, hey, I don't have to get checked out by chicks. I don't have to be told that I'm a good worker. I'm smart. I don't need another trophy on the shelf. I just know that I'm good because I say I'm good. And I bet a lot of you guys are there.

6:07 Some of you guys probably have issues with confidence. And honestly, the majority of my clients do. But I'm sure you go between these two, right? Like you listen to this content and you wouldn't be listening unless you have some foundational base of confidence. I really believe that most of you guys are pretty decent where this is concerned. But I bet a lot of you guys go from one to the other. Like sometimes you're like, I don't need anybody to tell me I'm great. I just know I'm great because I say I am.

6:33 And other times you don't feel that way. So I think for the majority of people that are kind of in this area or between two and three. But the second stage of confidence is you don't need that external validation. You get it from within yourself. But here's the problem. Oftentimes, ego will get in there. Ego is essentially that part of you that is based in fear that feels like it needs to be better than other people, feels like it does need external validation, needs to flex on others in order to feel like you're enough.

7:05 Your ego is not your amigo because what does ego always lead to? It always inevitably leads to suffering because it's derived of fear. If you fully felt calm within yourself and you fully accepted yourself as if you chose every single way that you are, your ego would no longer be in the equation and you would have way less suffering in your life. Interestingly, those things that we go after in life that we think will make us happy, money, more chicks, more possessions, more notches on the bedpost because you got into a squishmitten, those things that are external to us actually create more suffering.

7:44 And it's not until we get to the fifth stage of confidence that we're able to overcome that. And obviously, I'm going to get to that in a minute. Before I do, boys, I just got yet another glowing testimonial for my three-month coaching program. And boys, they just keep coming. Why? Because this program has the magic bullet of NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming, paired with my awesome techniques, my awesome theories, my awesome strategies to make you into a girl magnet. This is from my boy, Matt. Matt, what's going on if you're listening?

8:15 Guys, this is an absolutely spectacular testament to just how effective my program is. Listen to this. This is awesome. He says this. When a man joins Mark's program, the multifaceted results are beyond description. I'm not making this up, boys. This actually comes from Matt. He says, joining this program was the best investment I have ever made in my life, which has catapulted me into new personal realms and dimensions I have never dreamed were attainable. God, this guy's a good writer. Refinding myself as I was born has created mind-blowing success with women.

8:49 It would take a book to describe what I'm experiencing. Fuck yeah, Matt. Get it in there, bro. Get into those squish mittens. The NLP that Mark embodies in his own life and incorporates in his three-month coaching program has given me self-love, peace, self-acceptance, trauma elimination, and really badass new belief systems. I didn't think such an effective, all-encompassing healing and powerful modality even existed. This is one of the reasons that Mark's program is so successful. And man can learn all the pickup lines. He can listen to all the podcasts and all the strategies in the world.

9:24 But if he doesn't create the inner game, and he's referring to NLP, women will see right through him. Thank you again, Mark. Much love. Your friend, Matt. Thank you, Matt. I super appreciate that. Gentlemen, if you want those same results, I'm just letting you know I'm not going to be around forever. A little hint for you there. If you want to work with me where I will personally create your NLP protocol, where I will personally walk you through this life-changing experience that thousands of men have gone through and that we maintain a 95% client success rate, put your application in below.

9:59 You and I are going to talk personally and see if I can do for you what I've done for so many other guys just like Matt. All right, boys. The third stage of the evolution of confidence is that you start to love the things you used to hate about yourself. The fat on your belly. The lack of hair on your head. The nose hairs coming out of your nose. The unibrow. Your short stature. Your weird BO. The fucking fact that you have a third nipple on your butt cheek.

10:27 Whatever it is, you need to accept it as if you chose it. And when you get to the point, the third point of true confidence, you do accept it as if you chose it. You begin to literally love those things that you hate about yourself. And don't get it twisted, boys. There is not a person out there who doesn't have something he'd prefer not to have about his physical appearance. Me, for example. I have a big nose. I have skinny wrists. I tend to get a little bit of belly fat, and especially on the sides, the old spare tire, the old muffin top.

10:59 I fucking used to hate it, but I accept it as if I chose it because I know that when I do, other people will accept it too. And from my perspective, if you're willing to be open-minded, my perspective is those things that we hate about ourselves are chosen by us before we incarnate so we can overcome them so that we can grow because ultimately, your body, this limited physical illusion that you incarnate to, is nothing but a tool for you to overcome it. When you no longer need the world or yourself to be different than what it is, you have achieved true mastery, and you have achieved a higher level of confidence than most men ever will.

11:42 So you look at those things that you hate about yourself and say, you know what? Because I have those things, let's take a short guy, for example, because I'm short, I have had to persevere through so much trauma, through so much insults, through so much struggles in whatever capacity they came to me. Fucking A, man, that's made my soul strong. God damn, do I have perseverance. Man, I haven't ended it. I haven't given up. I'm still going. I'm still listening to this podcast. You, brother. Yes, you listening.

12:13 You're still in the fight. And that's something to be proud of. And that is the ultimate purpose of all this bullshit that we have to go through, including you choosing the body. And I personally believe that we chose the bodies we came into in order to overcome those limitations, in order to overcome those things that you hate about yourself. And what happens when you overcome the things you hate about yourself? You begin to love them. You accept them as if you chose them. You say, yep, I got the little bit of belly fat.

12:44 Yep, I got the skinny legs. Yep, I got the varicose veins. Or for some of you, yep, I'm short. I'm bald. I'm fat. I'm ugly. I look like a chicken McNugget with tits. I'm old as dirt. And I fart dust. And when I get up in the morning, it's like a popcorn machine popping and cracking. And when a girl says, you're too old for me, you make a joke about it. Hey, young lady, I'm sure you could keep up with me. You seem pretty mature. Because you accept it.

13:09 You're like, yeah, man, I'm in my 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s. Or for some of you guys, yeah, you're only in your 20s. Or you're in your 30s and you think that's too old. Or, oh, I'm in my 40s now. I'm getting too old. Whatever the bullshit is that you're telling yourself, you need to accept it. You 40-year-olds, yeah, man, 40s fucking sexy. I can yank girls still in their 20s, but I'm still experienced. And I have way more life wisdom than she has. You guys who are in your 50s, 60s, 70s, look how much experience you have.

13:39 You could tuck that little girl under your wing. You guys in your 20s, man, you can bone all day. I was talking to my friend about this. She recently had sex with a dude in his mid-20s. And she's like, god damn, that dude could just go and go. And I'm like, yeah, that's the cool thing about being in your 20s. You just have stamina. There's always an advantage to your current situation. And you need to focus on that rather than constantly focusing on what you don't have, what you aren't, how you're not tall enough, ripped enough, rich enough.

14:06 Whatever the excuse is, you chose your current life situation to overcome it. And when you know that, you accept it as if you chose it. Because in my belief system, you did choose it. All right, guys. And now we get into the fourth stage of the evolution of consciousness. And I feel like I flirt between this and the third stage. I don't feel like I'm completely in the fifth stage yet, but hopefully I'll be there soon. But the fourth stage is you stop trying to change others.

14:35 You stop judging others. You accept everything exactly the way it is. Do you know how to become free of all the suffering of the world? Do you know how to get peace in life? You accept the world exactly as it is, and you don't even need to change it anymore. You actually like it. You actually see the benefit of it being this way. You see the benefit of the ego. You see the benefit of haters, of fear, of hatred, of all the negativity we have in this world.

15:03 The negativity is there so that we can rise above it. Without it, we wouldn't be able to rise above it. We wouldn't be able to grow. So the point of the world is not in the world. The point of the world is to overcome the world, even needing the world to be different than what it is. Now, am I always there? Fuck no, man. Sometimes when I'm in traffic or when I get a hater leaving me hate comments or somebody leaving me death threats, which recently came on Instagram, you know, that shit affects me.

15:30 I'm not going to lie. I'm not like that Buddha level, Jesus level enlightenment yet, but when you get to the point of like true confidence, you're just okay with things. You just become mellow, and even the people who annoy you, you're like, look, it takes all kinds to make a world. That's what I always tell myself, right? It takes all kinds of people to make a world. If we're all the same, if everybody was exactly like you, that'd be fucking boring. And if you're the kind of guy who judges others, needs other people to be different, needs other people to share the same opinion you do, like the super right-leaning person or the super left-leaning person, them screaming at each other over a fence line or at a public demonstration, it's like you know where that person is in their consciousness because they need everybody to think like they do.

16:17 And ultimately, when you need somebody to think like you do, you're insecure in your beliefs. If you're truly secure in your beliefs, you're like, yeah, man, think whatever you want, do whatever you want, I'm here with it. I can actually kind of see your perspective. I can be open-minded to that, and that's confidence because you're not needing to be ensconced, needing to be right. What is needing to be right? It's ego. I want to win this argument, and sometimes I'll do so with violence. A lot of the wars that we've had throughout history were because of one ego battling against another.

16:50 No, I'm right. No, I'm right. Let's go to war and get these young men killed on politics they don't even understand. It's absolute absurdity. Oftentimes, war is derived out of ego. I could even make the argument that it's always derived out of ego. You don't need the world to be different than what it is. You accept what is. No matter what comes to you, you accept it as if you chose it. There's a story of a Zen master in Japan that I really like, and it's a short story, so just stick with me.

17:16 I know we're about 20 minutes in, but listen to this. This is really interesting. There's a Zen master living in a Japanese village, and the girl next door got pregnant. When she had the baby, the parents freaked out and said, Dude, who impregnated you? She lied, and she said it was the Zen master next door. So the parents angrily went to his door, knocked on it, he opened it, and they're like, You created this baby. Here, it's yours. And all he said in Japanese was, Which means, is that so?

17:45 So he takes the baby, he raises it, he loves it, he accepts the situation as if he chose it. Well, his reputation was totally ruined, right? Nobody came to him for advice. Everybody snickered behind his back. They're like, Man, what a piece of shit. He impregnated this young girl. Didn't tell anybody about it. Had the baby, and now he's having to take care of the baby. Man, that guy's a fraud. This guy's no Zen master. He's a piece of shit. So, several months later, the girl admits that it wasn't the Zen master who impregnated her, but it was the dude at the fish market.

18:18 The dude slinging salmon and tuna. So the parents are like really embarrassed. They go to the Zen master, and they're like, Oh, we're so sorry, but we need to take the baby back. And he's like, Which in Japanese means, Is that so? Okay, here's the baby back. So then, his reputation goes through the fucking roof. He's got a line around the goddamn block of people who want to work with him. But you see, with him, he accepts whatever comes to him woven in the pattern of his destiny, which is an old saying by Marcus Aurelius.

18:48 Accept what you have, because if it comes to you, it has a purpose. So, he always accepts without question what it is that comes to him. Now, of course, this is a super extreme example, right? Like, none of us, including me, are on that level. But it's kind of like this. And this is the way I look at it as a better, more relatable moral to this story. Which is, if something comes to you, you should probably accept it because it was attracted to you for a reason.

19:18 Either it was attracted to you because you need to overcome it, or it was attracted to you because you're doing something ignorant. But you look at it and you accept it without resistance. And this is the concept of non-resistance, which I actually teach in my coaching. I don't get into it in the podcast, but it's a really deep psychological technique to overcome the difficulty of getting better with women. The essence of non-resistance is this is coming to me to benefit me so that I can grow and learn and become a better man.

19:50 Thus, and this is how I reframe it in my coaching, I can become more attractive to women. So one of the stages of confidence is you don't need the world to be different than what it is. You accept those situations that come to you. And boys, I've had a rough go just as you have. I'm not going to fucking lament on it. But believe me, I've been through some terrible shit. I like who I am today, man. I really, really love myself. And that's the point I want you guys to get to as well.

20:16 And you get there by using each situation as a leverage point to grow from. Because if it came to you, it came to you for a reason. So don't resist it. Use it. And that, in my opinion, is the fourth stage of the evolution of consciousness, which is I accept the world as it is. I accept others as they are. I'm not judging them. They are what they are. I'm going to use this to benefit me. But more importantly, grow my soul. And the fifth level of the evolution of consciousness is that you're purely genuine.

20:48 There's no self-monitoring. There's no weirdness. You're just who you are. And what's interesting is you become like a child again. Going back to Zen masters, if you look at a Zen master, and you guys can Google them right now. Just Google Zen master. There's like a fierceness to their eyes, right? A unabiding presence and acceptance of what is. But there's also a childlike essence to them. And this is what I think is the full evolution of confidence and of consciousness. You start at a point where you're a kid.

21:19 You're innocent. You're genuine. You actually really have true confidence. But then you go through all these stages of bullshit. You're lost. And then you come back again in the full circle to being childlike again. But the difference is you're childlike now with a depth, just like a Zen master. Fierceness in your eyes. Compassion and wisdom in those things that you say. But at the same time, you're a little bit like a kid, right? You're playful. You're joyous. You're just who you are. There's no self-monitoring. All your movements are just completely pure without that self-monitoring.

21:55 And if you look at enlightened masters, right? Like Eckhart Tolle. There's one guy I really like. And you can see a video of him. His name is Paramahansa Yogananda. He's just so pure. Like in all his movements and his eyes and everything about him, there's no ego there. And that's essentially the fifth and final stage of confidence. I'm not there yet. But it's like enlightenment. The ego's dead, right? Like Eckhart Tolle. He's small, insignificant, like a guy with a big ego who would see Eckhart Tolle wouldn't regard him at all.

22:25 But if you look at him, there's this fierce, childlike nature to him of pure and unadulterated genuineness, if that's a word. Just completely who he is. And sometimes I can get there, especially like when I'm really in state. I just don't care what chicks think. I'm completely myself. Occasionally, like I'm talking 5% of the time I get there on this podcast, but it's that, I don't give a fuck, dude. This is who I am. I'm going to be childlike. But at the same time, there's a deep wisdom behind it.

22:54 And I think all of us will eventually get there. It's the evolution of consciousness. And I want to know, where are you on this scale? Now, most of us, including me sometimes, we go back down to 2 and 1. But have you ever ascended to 3 or 4? Have you ever been in that kind of consciousness where you're like, you know what? I fucking love this world, man. I fucking love humanity. All the bullshit even. There's a purpose for it. This ultimately is like a pretty sick experience, right? Like look at all the drama.

23:22 Look at all the adventure. And like look at all the shit we can learn about and do and all the experiences we can have. That wouldn't be there without the fear, without the negativity. So I bless it. I accept it. And you know what? I accept myself as I am. I love myself. I don't give a fuck what you think. I really don't. I really don't. When you get to that point, that's freedom, right? That's peace, which we're all going for. So instead of trying to add more and more, right?

23:47 Like you think being confident is having more money, having a better car, having more chicks, being on your Instagram with hot girls. That's the initial stages. We want to get to the point where you just love yourself, where you accept yourself and you can be genuine again. Where you could be childlike again. So boys, I hope that helps you. Hey, listen, if you like my content, if you like my message, if you feel like I am genuine and I care about your success, which I do.

24:12 And I think that's why I have a 95% success rate. Apply, man. Let's talk. You're going to talk with me personally. I'm going to see if I can help you. I have been where you've been. I guarantee it because I can almost guarantee I was a harder case than you were. I had agoraphobia, panic attacks. Couldn't look at a girl, let alone go talk to her. Now I feel like I've arrived in that four-ish stage of confidence and I'm going for that fifth stage, which ultimately, of course, is enlightenment, right?

24:39 It's that egoless state of pure bliss and pure peace. But I feel like maybe you guys can tell that I'm genuine and why am I genuine? Because I care. I have compassion. I want to change guys' lives. That's why I'm here. And listen, if you didn't have problems, if you didn't have these things to get through, I wouldn't have the opportunity to change your life. So I accept where you're at, bro. I'm not judging you. I'm not trying to insult you for being there. Be there, but let's rise above it together with NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming.

25:08 So gentlemen, I super appreciate you listening. I really enjoyed this one. I hope you enjoyed it too. I drop podcasts every Tuesday and I will see you in the next episode. What is up, brother? Just wanted to thank you sincerely for watching this episode. If you've got any value whatsoever out of my content, the single best way to help me is to like, comment, subscribe, leave me a review. You have no idea how much that helps me. Also, if you're struggling with women and you want to talk to me personally about how I can help you achieve your goals with women, sign up for my three-month coaching program below and you and I will talk.

25:43 Join us in the unapologetic army.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.