Don't be TRY HARD Like THIS GUY: The #1 Reason Girls Get THE ICK From Guys

0:00 We want to kind of brag. We want to show girls that we're successful. We want to show that we're a champion. But the second it goes into try hard where she knows you're trying to impress her, that's where it gives them the ick. And we're going to talk about dancing that delicate line because when you're try hard or you try to behave in a way that isn't congruent with your authentic self, women see right through it. They're a little radar systems who, when you act incongruent with who you really are, get the ick from you, get the cringe from you.

0:23 And in today's episode, I'm going to actually give you tactile tips to avoid doing that. The Unapologetic Man Podcast. So I got hit up the other day by a dude who wants to come on the podcast. Actually, it was his publicist that emailed me with pictures of him wanting to come on the podcast. Now, I don't want to call this dude out completely, but guys, I just have to share these images with you because these were the single most try hard images I have ever seen in my life.

1:02 My assistant, who's a female, her name is Laura. She's actually a former Playboy playmate. When she saw this shit, she said that she almost spit her coffee all over her desk because she was laughing so hard. So Liam, my awesome podcast editor, is going to run these things through ChatGPT to make sure they're changed a little bit so that we're not like fully calling this guy out. But here are the likeness of the images that homeboy sent me, the most try hard images I've ever seen in my life.

1:30 And I wrote Laura, I was like, is this dude actually serious with this? And that night, my girlfriends came over and I'm like, girls, you have to look at this. If this was on a dating profile, what would you think about this? And all of them were just laughing, dude, for like an hour, they were just making jokes. And it's true, boys, like when you're try hard, when you try to have pictures like this, or you try to behave in a way that isn't congruent with your authentic self, women see right through it.

1:57 There are little radar systems who, when you act incongruent with who you really are, get the ick from you, get the cringe from you. And in today's episode, I'm going to actually give you tactile tips to avoid doing that. I'm not going to just tell you, don't be cringe, don't give girls the ick. I'm actually going to teach you how not to do that because we're all guilty of it. And just to make sure that I'm an equal opportunity hater, here's a few pictures of me from the past where I was try hard.

2:25 I mean, they're not as bad as what homeboy was trying to do, but they're still bad. And it's a balance you have to get, right? It's like that delicate line that you have to dance. It's like, we want to kind of brag, we want to show girls that we're successful, we want to show that we're a champion. But the second it goes into try hard, where she knows you're trying to impress her, that's where it gives them the ick. And we're going to talk about dancing that delicate line.

2:48 Because with dudes' pictures, it reminds me of that guy, you guys may have heard of this. Like 10 years ago, there was a voice recording, a voicemail that a dude left on a chick's cell phone. Like this dude literally called this chick, and I swear to God, boys, if you haven't heard this, go look it up. Unfortunately, I don't remember what it's called or I don't know how to find it. But basically, he's like, Kelly, I just need you to know that I'm a very confident, successful man.

3:13 I'm ambitious. I'm a risk taker. All women want to be with me. I have a line of girls waiting to be with me. So here's what we're going to do, okay? We're going to go ahead and go out to dinner on Wednesday night, and I want you to wear the tightest little dress you have. And I'm going to take you out to dinner, and girl, I'm going to sex you up until the room stinks. Now, obviously, boys, that's not exactly what he said, but it was basically like that.

3:37 He's like, I'm confident. I'm ambitious. I'm awesome. Guys, you never want to tell girls that you're confident. You never want to tell girls that you're a risk taker. You're ambitious. You need to show it through your actions. Remember, with women, it's show, not tell. And in addition to that tip, I'm going to give you several more tips so that you can leave this episode with actual tactile strategies to avoid being tryhard when it comes to these women because I'm telling you, boys, and I can't say this enough.

4:05 If you're tryhard, you are going to lose attraction immediately. Before I jump into those techniques, boys, I just want to thank you yet again for all the comments, all the subscriptions, all the likes, all the reviews. If you could please hook a homie up and leave a comment on this episode, particularly in YouTube and Spotify, it really helps me a lot. Also, leaving me a review on iTunes super helps. All you guys who have done that, I read all of them. I appreciate it. Even the haters, it's like it's still a comment.

4:34 It's still energy you're putting out towards me. And even though I kind of feel sorry for you that you're so negative, you actually have the desire to leave a negative comment on someone's page, the way I look at it is it's your issue, not mine. But I still kind of thank you a little bit because every comment helps boost me up in the algorithm. So even the haters, love you, boys. Kisses to my haters. I feel sorry for you guys. You must be extremely unhappy. I could help you.

5:00 But of course, in the situation and mentality that you're in, you never let a guy like me help you out because you're seeped in your hatred. I honestly, genuinely hope you're able to deal with that before the end of your life because being seeped in hatred, and I was there too, fucking sucks. It's basically hell on earth. So honestly, I feel sorry for you, brother, and I hope it gets better. All right, boys, let's jump into the content. So first of all, we have to understand that, as I said, being try hard in front of a woman is extremely unattractive.

5:31 What I want you guys to do is show her that you're a champion, but you have to disguise it and not let her know that you're trying to show her you're being a champion. Here are some examples of try hard versus a good way to show that you are successful. Try hard, dangling your Ferrari keys when the girl walks by you and you're on the street. Like that image of Joey from Friends with the Ferrari hat, the Ferrari jacket. He's like, hey, girl, I got a Ferrari.

5:57 Try hard. Genuinely successful is picking her up in that car without ever having mentioned that you have one. Now, having a Ferrari, a supercar, those kinds of cars, they can kind of come off as try hard sometimes. I'm not going to lie. But look, if you have a nice car, I'm not expecting you to go get rid of it. Pick her up in it, but don't even fucking mention that you have it. Your job, speaking about your successful job in the first three sentences, you're like, hey, how's it going?

6:23 What's your name? Oh, it's Kelly. Hey, what's up, Kelly? My name is Mark. I'm a lawyer. It's like, come on, bro. You're trying to get the lawyer in into the first three sentences. The better way to do it is not mention it. Then when she asks you what you do, you could be genuine. And what I always say when she asks you what you do is the first thing is funny. I'm an ass model. I'm a penguin valet. I'm a backflip expert. No, really. I'm actually a lawyer.

6:46 And then a story about how you had to persevere through some kind of hardship or some kind of difficult time in order to become that lawyer. So it's that three part answer, wearing a fucking shirt that's so tight, it looks like you're wearing a rash guard and you're about to go surfing. I have seen so many guys in the nightclubs wearing like extra, extra small shirts where their muscles are popping. And boys, I've been guilty of it, too. We all do it. But it's fucking try hard.

7:13 And girls, no. Wear clothes that fit you. Girls can see through your clothes and see how good your body is. So stop trying to like push it into their faces. Just be as natural and authentic as possible. Try to avoid that try hard vibe. Try hard, telling story after story about all your successes and all the things you persevered past. Now, I obviously tell you guys to tell stories where you are showing perseverance. You are showing ambition. You are showing all those attractive things. But you have to really do it under the radar.

7:43 The example I always give is it's kind of like giving medicine to a dog. You give the dog the biscuit and you hide the medicine inside. The medicine being those like bragging points, right? Like me. I lived in Japan for four years. I was a Japanese translator. I then moved to Hawaii and I was a translator on a dinner cruise boat that went in front of Waikiki. I got certified to be a translator with this extremely difficult test called the Japanese language proficiency test. I passed level two, which was like super fucking hard.

8:14 Got my certification. Then I was able to be a translator. But look at the way that came off. If I just said that, especially early on, like, oh, yeah, I speak Japanese. Yeah, I lived in Japan for a while. See that shoulder right there? Yeah, they painted me for that because they thought I was a fucking awesome teacher. Yeah, I taught English in middle schools and I was actually a wedding announcer, too. I've done 200 weddings. Yeah, I'm pretty fluent. It's the difference between that and, like, telling stories about how – and I mentioned this in a previous episode.

8:43 I was at the middle school and I couldn't use the Waikiki, which are the embedded toilets in the ground. And then the vice principal gave me a plastic toilet to put over the Waikiki so I could use it. It was very embarrassing. See, that story communicates like, oh, this dude lived in Japan. He can speak Japanese, and then, of course, later I'll tell a story about how I was a Japanese translator in Hawaii. But it's not, like, bragging. It's telling a story of embarrassment, perhaps. A story of how you had to persevere through something where your weakness was trying to take you down.

9:15 It's that difference. So be very careful with your stories, guys. You're not trying to impress her. You're just telling stories and you're joyful about life. And most importantly, and this is tip number two, you have to not care what happens. The problem with most guys is – and this is probably the biggest point in this episode – they try to behave like something they're not. They become inauthentic, disingenuous. She can just sense from you that you're incongruent. And that incongruence comes because you're trying to act like something that you should be.

9:49 And this is a problem for podcast jockeys. A lot of you guys are what I call podcast jockeys. Right in that podcast Kentucky Derby. You're getting podcast after podcast. You're understanding about frame control. You're getting techniques like the ones I shared in my last episode. Cold reading and reverse cold reading. And you're trying to be that dude, but it's not congruent with who you are because you haven't worked on what's inside yourself. I just got a new dude posting for me on Instagram. His name is Brian.

10:16 And he made this awesome post yesterday that basically said, you can get all these techniques. You can take all these classes. You can like know a lot about seduction. But until you fix what's inside here, meaning how you feel about yourself, you are going to be incongruent. And women are going to read right through that. And in that video, if you want to see the three girlfriends I always talk about, I'm there with my girlfriends. And it's very true if you're acting or trying to be something you're not, like this Rico Suave guy, like the guy on the recording, right?

10:45 Like, girl, I'm going to blast you until my pinky stinks. They're going to call me the stinky pinky. When you do that kind of shit, they can read right through it. So what's the solution? Well, I'm going to give you the solutions in a minute. But you can listen to podcast after podcast, but until you work on yourself, until you're just authentic. This is me. This is who I am. I'm not trying to, like, pull the shirt off my fat or, like, scratch the back of my head so you can see my bicep.

11:12 Or, like, when you frame check me, I, like, get all weird and I'm trying to think about how to react. It's just me. If you like me, fine. If you don't like me, I don't give a fuck because I'm talking to 20 girls. And that's why, also, I tell you, boys, you need to be talking to as many girls as possible so you become outcome independent. I don't care what happens because I have tons of girls I'm talking to. And because I don't care what happens, I can be myself.

11:39 Now, this goes into another point where you podcast jockeys, you guys who won't come into my three-month coaching program where I can remap your brain, where you will literally feel like you're the prize and just be completely authentic without any self-monitoring, you guys out there need to realize that you can't try to be anything than what you are. And what I mean by that is this. Listen to the podcast. Understand frame control. Study this shit. But if you're not working on yourself, then here's the only thing you can do.

12:09 When you go out with that girl, stop the monitoring. Stop the trying. Give it all completely up. And what is there is your authentic self. Being authentic with a girl is one of the most important things. But if you don't truly believe in yourself and you try to behave like you're believing in yourself, she's going to pick up on that and lose attraction. That's why I'm the only dating coach on the market that remaps your brain with NLP and it blows my fucking mind. I have seen coach after coach after coach just giving techniques.

12:40 And honestly, not very good techniques most times. And people sign up with these people. They don't even teach frame control. They don't even do inner work. And it blows a hole in my mind so big that even I could fuck it. So I'm always blown away that they're not addressing the root of the problem, which is how you feel about yourself. I need you to fall in love with yourself so deeply that you can be completely authentic. You can be completely yourself and just be like, here I am.

13:06 If you like me, cool. If you don't like me, that's cool too. I honestly don't really care what you think. Don't give a shit. I got 10 other girls I'm talking to. It's no big deal. And then you can behave naturally on that date, not trying to be something that you think you should be because you're a fucking podcast jockey, just being yourself. So for you podcast jockeys out there who aren't going to work on yourselves, I don't know why you wouldn't, but some of you just refuse, okay?

13:31 This is what you do. Keep listening to my podcast. Keep getting the tips. Keep getting the strategies. And yeah, use them on the date, but the most important thing is that you're just relaxed and you don't give a fuck about what happens. This too is why I suggest you guys date unattractive girls because the way you behave with unattractive girls is the way you should behave with attractive girls. You don't care. It's no big deal. But the best way to get there, obviously, is to work on your internal belief systems.

14:00 All right, my next point, boys, I'm going to give you a little bit of a break and tell you a quick story. I want to warn you up front, if you're queasy about medical images, I suggest you look away in a moment. I'll tell you when to look away. Liam's going to drop in a picture of what just happened to my fucking foot. Seems like I've kind of got bad luck in 2026 because I got annihilated two days ago by a manhole cover that fell on my fucking foot.

14:24 Here's the story. So I buy my little girl, Lucia. She's about to turn seven years old. I buy her an RC car and we're driving them out front. And I've told her, boys, 500 times, do not drive over there by the storm drain because that RC car will go down the storm drain. So you know what happens, boys? Kids, they build a lot of grit in us because they just fucking drive us crazy. So she drives her car and launches it down the fucking storm drain. And I'm like, Lucia, I told you 500 times.

14:51 I'm like, it's OK. And she was like crying and she felt all guilty. So me and my buddy, we get a shovel and we stick it underneath the storm drain, lift it up. Have you guys ever felt how fucking heavy those things are? They're like 80 pounds. So finally, I get my fingers under it. I lift it up and it like slipped and it fell on my fucking foot. Here's the picture. Turn away if you're cringy. Here we go. That's what happened. The thing landed on my big toe.

15:16 I went to urgent care and they said it got completely shattered. So my toe is completely shattered. Hurts like a motherfucker. I broke my hip on January 3rd. I've kind of had bad luck in 2026. I feel like I'm just getting it all over with, right? The rest of my life, no more injuries. I broke my hip really bad. Liam will put up a picture of that as well. The pain of shattering that bone in my toe was almost equivalent to breaking my hip. That shit hurts so bad, dude.

15:44 So I'm limping around like a fucking jackass and I'm pretty mad at myself about it. And this goes into my point. We have to forgive ourselves for those things that we've done in the past that we're not proud of. You have to forgive yourself because toxic shame lives inside of us and it makes us incongruent with our authentic self. So the first thing I did is I sat down and I talked to myself and I suggest you guys do this too. No matter how airy fairy this seems, no matter how lame you think it is, this is especially important for you podcast jockeys.

16:17 You need to sit down with yourself and say, you know what, man, that mistake I made, whatever in 2019 and 2010, when I was 12, when I was 18, whatever happened, that mistake I made, I forgive you. It was a mistake. You know, not what you did. You were ignorant. It was just a mistake. And I was pretty mad at myself. And the sad thing was, is that Lucia, my little girl, it's going to get me choked up, man. She was, uh, she was really mad at herself. And she like was hiding in the closet crying and like thought it was her fault.

16:49 Cause it kind of was, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. But like, dude, I told her a hundred times, don't fucking drive over there. Anyway, it's not her fault. It's not her fault. And I can't let her know that like she fucked up. Right. But she felt really guilty. And like, then I felt guilty and she felt more guilty. It was just this like toxic shame circle. So I've been talking to her over the last few days and telling her the same things that I'm going to tell you guys, which is you're not going to be perfect, man.

17:15 Like we're all going to make mistakes. In fact, it's my personal spiritual belief that we're here to make mistakes. Cause that's how we learn, right? That's how we grow. The only way you can grow is by making mistakes, having failures, fucking up and learning from them. So I made the stupid mistake of dropping a fricking 80 pound manhole cover on my big toe, but I forgive myself. You know, I didn't know it was going to slip like that. I was just trying to help. Lucia made the mistake of driving it down there.

17:43 And she later admitted to me, she's like, daddy, I saw it going that way. And I was like trying to stop, but I didn't know how, because you know, she's new to RC cars. She doesn't understand the controller. And she's like, I'm so sorry. I feel like it was my fault that you hurt your foot. And I was like, sweetheart, it's not your fault. We all make mistakes. Mistakes are actually good because they help us grow. And I tried to help her forgive herself. And you guys need to do the same thing.

18:06 So all those transgressions you've had, all the things you hate about yourself, you literally need to get to the point, brother, where you love those things. That you hate about yourself and you accept them as being there to help you grow. Your belly fat, for example, that stubborn fat you can't get rid of, or your bald head, or your dorky glasses, or the fact that you're short. You literally need to think of it as, I chose this challenge to overcome it. And I'm about to show the universe just how fucking strong I am.

18:37 When you get to that point, you behave differently in front of women. If you are short and a girl says to you, oh, you're like too short. You can literally laugh it off. Like it does not affect you because it's internal. You as a man have to work on yourself internally. And that's exactly what I do in my three-month coaching program. So if you're interested, sign up. But again, for you guys who won't sign up, and oftentimes you're going to tell yourself it's a money thing.

19:03 We can figure out the money. But if that's your excuse, you're telling yourself, fine. Just forgive yourself for your past transgressions. And literally, you could do an NLP visualization where you go back to yourself from the past and you give them a hug. And this especially works when you're like a little kid, right? Like I was a fucking dickhead when I was 12 years old. I was a bully. I used to bully this one girl who was really tall. Me and my buddy Ira will go up to her and we'd be like, holy, because she was like so tall.

19:31 Dude, we hurt that girl so bad. I talked to her later and she's like, you guys really fucked me up. We were just having fun. Like we didn't know it would hurt her that bad. We were just trying to be funny and probably because we were insecure. So I go back to that dude and I'm like, look, kid, you didn't know what you were doing. Yeah, you hurt her pretty bad, but you need to forgive yourself. You knew not what you did. And you give him a hug and you give him a smack on the head.

19:55 And you say, you're good, dude. You're good. So all the things you feel guilty about, like even you guys who have done some pretty serious shit, you were lost, man. You were in pain. You were in toxicity. You know not what you do. And that's what's said right there in the Bible, right? I'm not Christian, but there's a lot of wisdom in the Bible. They know not what they do. And it's kind of like the haters who leave hate on my podcast. I just think they're lost, man.

20:20 They're in toxicity. They're hurting. And I have compassion for them. I'm like, I'm sorry you hate yourself, bro. And they're like, no, no, I'm hating you. And I'm like, no, no, you're hating yourself. You're hating yourself. Because anybody who's congruent with himself, who's happy would never, ever, ever leave a hate comment or even a negative comment. I don't do it. I never do it. Nobody who's successful would ever take the time to stop and try to bring somebody down who's below them. So whenever people hate on me, I'm like, yeah, they're peanut butter and jealous.

20:49 They hate themselves. And I honestly feel sorry for them. And that's kind of the way you need to think too. You need to love yourself as if you chose exactly how you are. Now, my final point, boys, is this. And I alluded to it previously. You need to date as many women as possible and be going through reps and reps and reps so that you could just be normal. When you go on like one or two dates a month, you're going to be nervous. You're going to be incongruent.

21:17 You're going to be try hard and you're going to give girls the ick because of it. A lot of you guys are going on dates and you're like, why do I keep giving these chicks the ick? Why don't I get a second date? I'm telling you guys, it's in here. You are in some way incongruent. You are in some way coming off try hard, coming off as if you don't feel like you're enough. She sees that with her little radar system and it makes her lose attraction because of it.

21:43 So what I suggest if you're not going to come and do NLP, which honestly is the black hole shortcut to getting this shit fixed once and for all, it's why we have a 95% success rate. This shit is just unbelievably effective. But if you're not going to do that, I need you to go on more dates with more women. Get yourself out there. Just get comfortable talking to girls and you'll up the ante, right? You'll start with like fives and sixes, then you'll go to sevens and eights, and then you'll be comfortable around nines and tens.

22:10 If you can just be normal, completely authentic around a nine or a 10, she will probably get attracted to you because they particularly are so not used to dudes just being normal. They're used to dudes being weird and awkward and like unsure of themselves. And she's like, why are you so weird? What's up with you? That's literally what hot girls think. But when you're just a normal dude who comes along, you're funny, you love yourself, you don't care what happens. Watch what happens, boys. Attraction through the fucking roof.

22:41 So don't be like our hero at the beginning of the episode with these like super try hard pictures. And don't be the guy who in the first like few minutes, she can tell, oh, he doesn't feel like he's enough because he needs to brag and he needs to be try hard. I'm not attracted to him. Don't be that guy. When you go out, forget everything. Just have a good time. You're there to get to know her. You're there to have a good time. Stop self-monitoring. Stop trying to remember what to say.

23:07 Stop trying to be something you're not and just go out with girl after girl after girl and the techniques will fall into place. You'll rub them out and you'll just be normal. You'll just be natural and you'll find that girls will start getting way more attracted to you than they used to. All right, gentlemen, as a reminder, please leave a comment, leave a review, subscribe, whatever it is you could do to help me. I feel like I give you guys a lot of value and all I ask for in return is some comments, some interaction.

23:34 I'd super appreciate that. As a reminder, I drop podcasts every Tuesday and I will see you in the next episode. What is up, brother? Just wanted to thank you sincerely for watching this episode. If you've got any value whatsoever out of my content, the single best way to help me is to like, comment, subscribe, leave me a review. You have no idea how much that helps me. Also, if you're struggling with women and you want to talk to me personally about how I can help you achieve your goals with women, sign up for my three-month coaching program below and you and I will talk.

24:08 Join us in the unapologetic army.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.