15 Hilarious Answers For When a Girl Asks You "What do You Do?" (((A MUST LISTEN!!!)))

0:00 Today, we are talking about the funny ways to answer when a girl says to you, what do you do for a living? Now, what do most guys do? They offer up some boring ass, non-emotionally charged, not funny answer, which is simply the truth. She says, what do you do for a living? And you're like, oh, I'm a lawyer, or I work at the car wash, or I work at McDonald's. Oh, is that cool? Great. And then they blow past it, ruining what could be at least 10, 15 minutes of great conversation.

0:29 Boys, we have answers for all these things, and we know how to ask the questions back to the girl to make her laugh and to make her feel good. This is Pickup 101. The Unapologetic Man Podcast. A recent study just came out that reports that gorilla penises are only four centimeters long. You know what? That's a great study. It makes me feel real confident about myself, but I think our time as humanity would be better spent solving problems like world hunger rather than measuring gorilla dicks. What is up, gentlemen?

1:02 Thank you for tuning in to another episode. I have an awesome one for you today. How to reply in a funny way when chicks ask you what you do for a living, which, as you know, is usually one of the first questions a girl is going to ask you. And what do most guys do? They just answer with the truth. I'm going to teach you the three-part answer to first say something super funny, and I'm giving you at least 15 different funny things to say. Then what you do is you tell her the truth.

1:27 Then you tell her a story about what you really do. Now, a lot of you guys who have been listening for a long time, yes, I've talked about this before, but even if you've heard some of these, I am throwing in some new ones that me and the boys of the brotherhood, over 900 members of the brotherhood now, have been testing and we've been using with great success. We got some new ones. So even if you've heard a few like I'm an ass model, backflip expert, et cetera, we got some new ones coming out.

1:55 Also, I am going to tell you how to accuse her of being certain things that are extremely funny, which are going to crack her up. A lot of these you haven't heard as well. So make sure to stay tuned until the end. Brothers, a couple of quick things. First of all, if you're listening to this episode and you came to it from an ad, that means an advertisement where you heard an audio of me talking about my podcast and you clicked into it to listen to this ad, email me at coachmarksing at gmail.com and I will send you a $500 training packet.

2:27 I am not kidding, boys. I am testing a marketing service, which I've already spent a thousand dollars with. And it's like, I think they're getting me results, but it also might be bots. So what I'm doing is I'm offering you a $500 package, a training package, 14 hours of content of high level seduction training. If you simply email me and told me that you came from an advertisement, this is not a trick. This isn't like some upsell. I'm going to straight give this to you. But what I need from you is to tell me what I said in the advertisement, because obviously we're going to get a lot of guys who want to like fake me out to get this training.

3:03 But what I'm trying to test to see is if it's really bots or if it's actual people. And if you're offering a $500 product, those people who came from the ad are definitely an email me, right? So this is the way I'm corroborating whether or not this company is telling me the truth. It's freaking the wild west out there, boys. People will straight take your money and cheat the shit out of you, which is actually an objection. I get a lot in my coaching program. They ask me, how do I know you're not like scam artists?

3:31 Some guy the other day is like, how do I know you're not AI? So I call them on the phone and I'm like, this is Mark. Nice to meet you. And I was fucking with him. But I get it. I get the trepidation. In my case, if you look online, I have absolutely no bad reviews. I have a stellar reputation, completely A plus reviews from everybody. But I hear you. It's the fucking wild west out there. And I'm not completely sure if this advertising agency even knows if they're getting bots or not.

3:58 That's how crazy it is. So if you guys can email me, coachmarksing, M-A-R-K-S-I-N-G, at gmail.com. Tell me you came from the ad. And what I want to hear from you is what the ad said in it. So as you're listening now, obviously, you just heard the ad. It was very funny. You'll obviously know what I said in that ad. And let me know what I said. And then I will send you the $500 product. Believe me, boys. If you came from the ad, you definitely want to take me up on this.

4:24 And it'll help me out too. Another thing that shows what the wild west this place is, and I'm going to get into the content in a second, is somebody put a copyright claim on my intro music. A lot of you guys have noticed that my intro music and my outro music is gone. And now I have a girl who just says, The Unapologetic Man Podcast, which is my friend Alicia. Dude, I bought that song from a copyright-free website. I bought the rights to it like six years ago.

4:51 Somebody put a copyright claim on it saying it was their song, even though it's not. And all my episodes started getting taken down. It's like guilty until proven innocent. So I had to quickly change everything. Liam, my podcast editor, has been going through all the episodes and changing them. So that's why the song's no longer there. But I actually think it's a blessing in disguise, which I'm going to talk about in an upcoming episode. So, boys, today we are talking about the funny ways to answer.

5:17 When a girl says to you, What do you do for a living? Now, what do most guys do? They offer up some boring-ass, non-emotionally charged, not funny answer, which is simply the truth. She says, What do you do for a living? And you're like, Oh, I'm a lawyer. Or I work at the car wash. Or I work at McDonald's. Or wherever you happen to be working. Or even if you're a student, you just give them the truth. My opinion is, this is a golden opportunity to prepare your answer because you know girls are going to ask this to you.

5:48 You know they're going to ask it. So why not prepare it? And this is part of what we do in my program. We prepare answers for every single fucking thing the girl is going to ask you. Every single common question that people ask each other in dating. What do you do for a living? What do you do for fun? Where did you go to school? Where did you grow up? Do you have any brothers or sisters? What's your favorite hobby? What would you do without any chance of failure?

6:12 We have answers for all these things. And we know how to ask the questions back to the girl to make her laugh and to make her feel good. This is Pickup 101. Why would you not prepare for something that you know is coming? It's just like preparing for a test, preparing for a job interview, preparing to get your dick wet because it hasn't been wet since the last time you took a shower. So what we do is we answer it in three parts, as I mentioned previously.

6:40 The first thing is funny, complete bullshit. The second thing is the truth, what you really do. And then you have to tell a story, an emotionally charged story about why you became that thing, which I'm going to get into as well. When it comes to being interesting in this way, it's not only about her asking you questions, but you asking her questions as well. So she's going to ask you what you do for a living. Well, you have to ask her the same thing. Now, what do most guys do?

7:05 They just say, what do you do for a living? Oh, is that cool? Great. And then they blow past it, ruining what could be at least 10, 15 minutes of great conversation. Boys, when I teach guys to go to speed dating events, this is one of the main things I teach them. Because what are you going to do in two minutes with a girl? You're going to ask where you're from. What do you do for a living? You're just going to stick to the basics, right? Well, why not spice up those basics?

7:31 So the first part to the three-part answer to what do you do has to be funny. Now, for those of you who have been listening for a long time, you know my favorite one, and I mentioned it before. It is, I am an ass model. You could steal that one and have all the success in the world. In fact, I know for a fact that there are literally hundreds of thousands of dudes in the United States, Australia, England, and Canada who have completely stolen that line from me, and a lot of girls have heard it.

8:00 In fact, I had a girl a couple months ago tell me, oh my God, some other guy said that to me, and I was like, it's over, man. It's come full circle. I put it out on the podcast. People started using it, and now it's come back to me. Holy shit. So we got some other ones that aren't so stolen, but dude, the ass model one, I have used that for years with so much success, and here's how it goes. She says, what do you do for a living?

8:25 And I say very nonchalantly and completely confidently, I'm an ass model. And then she'll be like, what? What are you talking about? I'll be like, yeah, I'm an ass model. See this ass right here? This thing is famous on seven continents. In fact, there's a big picture of my ass in Times Square, wearing a Speedo, of course, and I was all oiled up in Times Square with my butt cheeks right there. Do not, during any point of this conversation, pinch my butt, young lady, because if I get a bruise on this piece of work, I'm going to be out of a job.

8:55 She's cracking up. She doesn't know if you're serious, and then I'll be like, no, I'm just fucking with you. But sometimes she will be like, oh, I'm an ass model too. And I'll be like, yeah, I know about you. I know that you're my number one nemesis. I saw your ass up in Paris the other week. I was traveling, doing some European ass modeling, and I saw your ass. And I was like, who's this imposter? It's Kelly, the new ass model from the same city I'm in.

9:19 How dare you, young lady? I should just kick you in the butt right now, put a big old footprint of a bruise on your butt cheeks, put you out of work. And she's like, no, I'm going to put you out of work. This is such a good way to do it, to create a play fight, to create intrigue, to create laughter, boys. And what's one of the most attractive things to women? It's laughter. And why is laughter important? Because it shows intelligence. It shows that you can see situations from a different perspective, spin it in a creative way, and make her laugh.

9:48 This is why women are unconsciously attracted to men who can make them laugh. So ass model is one that I like to use. I'm going to give you a lot more, so stick around. But first, you say the ass model, you milk it. A lot of girls will believe it too, as a lot of you guys know. They'll be like, oh my God, seriously? Like all these, even the craziest ones, they'll fucking believe it. And they'll be like, oh, I didn't know there was such a job as a backflip expert or a mayonnaise farmer.

10:14 I didn't know. And you're like, dude, how stupid are you? Like some of these chicks, especially in their early 20s, oh my hell, dude. Like they just fucking ride on the waves of life with their hotness, right? Every door opens for them. They get everything for free. They're always given the benefit of the doubt. They need to use like 15% brain power through their day-to-day life. And you're like, yeah, I'm an ass model. And they're like, oh, what's that like, right? Just like, dude, are you serious?

10:42 So you run the joke, hopefully crack her up if she's at least socially intelligent enough to go along with it. It's a really good time. Then you tell her the truth. Okay. No, actually, I'm an NLP coach. Do you know what NLP is? Most of the time they'll say no. And I'll say it stands for Neural Linguistic Programming. Basically, what I do is I work with men who are having problems with confidence, having problems with bad belief systems. And I remove those bad belief systems from their brain so that they can act more confidently.

11:12 And boys, by the way, when it comes to dating, a lot of guys think it's just the line that's going to get her or the techniques. And those are important. Like today, we're talking about techniques. They're important. But what's really important is your demeanor, your stature, your bearing. And that comes from what? Inside your own head. This is why I use NLP, Neural Linguistic Programming, to remap the brains of my clients, remove bad belief systems, remove bad traumas, install new confidence, install masculinity, install everything that's attractive.

11:45 You begin thinking differently. Thus, you begin acting differently. Thus, girls get attracted to you differently. But the way I frame it, because the whole dating coach thing, some girls like trip out on it. They think I'm like using techniques on them, which I always tell them I am like, oh, yeah, I'm totally like, I'm just totally hypnotizing you right now. But usually I just tell them I'm an NLP coach. I help guys with confidence. And then what does that do? It builds a lot of attraction of them getting attracted to me because it shows I'm passionate about what I do.

12:16 I might even tell the story about how I lived in Japan and used to have panic attacks. Couldn't find the solution. I did drugs. I hired a psychiatrist. I even hired a hypnotist. And it wasn't until I hired an NLP coach that I was able to get over my panic attacks, agoraphobia, and massive anxiety that I had in Japan. And because of that, I became an NLP coach myself. But I specifically work with men and confidence, anxiety, things like that. And when I angle it that way, showing a vulnerability that I've overcome, showing that I'm ambitious, showing that I persevere through adversity, showing that I am helping other men.

12:56 Holy shit, boys. Attraction on command. And what just happened? She asked me one question. What do you do for a living? And I say, I'm an ass model. Then I do the whole ass model thing. Tell them the truth. I'm an NLP coach. Tell them about my living in Japan, my panic attacks, my anxiety. I've gotten over it. And now I'm helping other guys get over stuff like that too. Installing confidence in them so they can become a tier one dude. Holy crap, boys. Attraction is fucking there when you do this.

13:25 Now I want to ask you, what do you do for a living? Well, if what you do for a living is cool, like you've worked a long time for it, you need to figure out how you rose through adversity to get there. If it sucks what you do for a living, then you need to talk about what you're working towards. So for example, you're a waiter and you're trying to become an actor, let's say. First, you'd say you're an ass model. Do that whole gig and then say, no, actually, I'm a waiter right now, but I'm working towards my real dream, which is to be an actor.

13:55 When I was a kid, I saw an actor on stage and it just blew my mind. You tell a story about your past that builds up the notion of what you're trying to be. It fuels your ambition. This is attractive to women. All right. So we have ass model. You heard me mention mayonnaise farmer. We also have backflip expert. We have professional water bottle squirter. We have funeral hugger. You go to the funerals and you hug people who are really sad because you're just like, you know, you're just an empathetic guy.

14:25 You make people feel better. So you go up to people at the funeral and you're like, I'm so sorry for your loss. This cracks them up. The next one I always say, and this is probably the one I use most next to ass model. Although now that ass model has been overused by all the listeners of the Unapologetic Man podcast. The one I've been using lately is Penguin Valet and girls will straight believe this. It's fucking crazy. I'll be like, yeah, I'm a Penguin Valet. And they'll be like, Penguin Valet, what is that?

14:54 And I'll be like, well, you know, like penguins at the zoo, right? And they'll be like, yeah. And I'll be like, well, did you know when penguins fall over, they can't get up? And she'll be like, no, I didn't know that. And I'll be like, yeah, dude, if they fall over, they'll die. So what I have to do is I work at the zoo is I have to run around and pick up penguins that fell over. It's such a hard job to do. And here's the thing.

15:15 They don't trust you unless you're wearing a tuxedo. So like I literally have to get in a tux and you know how it is in Colorado in August and July. It's hot as hell. I got to be out there running around in a black tux, picking up all these penguins. And there's one dude, little Charlie, little fucker falls over like four times a minute and he likes to run around. So run around and fall over there and fall over there. And I'm just jamming all over the place, picking these dudes up to save their lives.

15:40 In fact, I was 2022 Penguin Valet of the Year. I have a jacket that says Penguin Valet on the back. And you know, 50% of chicks will be like, are you serious? No, you're not serious. Fuck off. The other 50% will believe me. And I'll be like, Kelly, I'm totally fucking with you. Penguins, when they fall over, they could get up. Like how would they survive in Alaska and the great Arctic North if they couldn't get up? Come on, I'm messing with you. And she's like, oh my God, you're so silly.

16:09 And I'll be like, no, real talk. I'm an NLP coach. Do you know what NLP is? And she'll be like, no. And then I'll go through the whole story. I lived in Japan, had panic attacks, rised above it. Attraction boys right there. And you could do this too. All right. A few other funny ones we like to use. Sex doll tester. That's one we've been doing lately in the nightclubs. It gets a pretty good response. I'm a sex doll tester, a dildo tester. They actually made a dildo after me.

16:36 It's called the Angry Inch. And it's been selling well, surprisingly. Maybe the gorillas like it with their four centimeters. Professional water bottle squirter. I think I said that. Backflip expert. Mayonnaise farmer. And then I'll say sometimes, you know almond milk, right? And she'll be like, yeah, yeah. Like it's a substitute for milk. And I'll be like, yeah, I'm an almond milk milker. I milk the almonds to get the milk out of them. It's a really tough job. My fingers fucking are killing me. And she'll be like, are you serious?

17:04 Next one I really like is a night hearing coach. Did you know that 30% of Americans can't hear at night? What I am is I'm a night hearing coach. I help people go outside, hear at night. I've had a really good success rate. I've probably brought it down to like 20% of Americans that can't hear at night, but it's a real malady. It's really, really bad out there. It should be like, oh my God, seriously? I'll be like, are you kidding me? Night hearing, I'm fucking with you.

17:29 You're so gullible. And then she smacks you in the arm. Attraction is there. I'm a beard growth consultant, but I recently lost my job because I can't even grow my own beard. Professional harp player. They actually hire me to go to hippie circles. I get dressed in dreadlocks and I play the harp. Ring, ring, ring, right? For some reason, there's just not a lot of harp players out there. And yeah, I'm a professional harp player. Bingo fraud investigator. You know, senior citizens are some of the biggest crux out there.

18:01 I mean, there's so many felons who are in old folks' homes. So I have to get dressed up as an old man, swear to God, go into bingo conventions and look for fraud. Do you know what bingo arm is? It's when Peggy lifts up her arm and says, bingo, and then her fucking tricep flaps in the breeze. That's called bingo arm. And boys, for you listening, I know you don't want to marry a chick called Big Deb who has bingo arm when she waves to you as you're leaving for work.

18:28 So join my fucking program so you don't have to marry Big Deb. But yeah, I'm a bingo fraud investigator. Girls are like, what? Seriously? Nah, I'm messing with you. You idiot. And the next one I really like to do, and this one I've been pulling out lately, pet psychic. I'm a pet psychic. In fact, what kind of, you have a dog or a cat? A cat, right? You have a cat. You know how like your cat will knock things over sometimes? I'm psychically connected to him.

18:53 You know how he knocks things over? That's because he's kind of mad at you. And by the way, when he's like hissing and he's pissy, he says he learned it from you. So a little less pissiness, Veronica, because your cat is trying to emulate what you do. So boys, there's a ton right there that you could work with. I want to give you some that you can accuse her of. We're getting long in the tooth. We're about 20 minutes, but stick with me here because these are funny too.

19:16 So when you ask her what she does for a living, here's how you do it. You say, so what do you do for a living? Wait, wait, wait. Let me guess, let me guess. And then you say the funny thing. So the line is, so what do you do for a living? Wait, wait, wait. Let me guess, let me guess. First thing I always say, and for those of you who've been listening for a long time or my clients, you should know this, I always accuse them of being an ice cream man.

19:39 So I'll be like, so what do you do for a living? Let me guess, let me guess. You look like an ice cream man. In fact, haven't I seen you driving around Denver before? Yeah, that was you in the ice cream truck, right? The one with like the Rasta guy on the side. Listen, I love mint chocolate chip. I actually live in a cardboard box right outside this bar. You may have seen me. It's like a little cardboard box, but I love mint chocolate chip. So young lady, meet me here tomorrow at 12 p.m.

20:05 And I want you to bring me two. That's right. Two gallons of mint chocolate chip. I'd appreciate it. Thanks, ice cream man. And then when I text them, after I accuse them of being an ice cream man, I always say, hey, Kelly, I saw an ice cream truck going 150 miles per hour down the 405 freeway. I know you're late for the ice cream man convention, but relax, you're going to kill somebody. And that's usually my first text alluding to something funny in our conversation rather than the standard, hey, it's Mark, remember me?

20:34 I met you at the elbow room. Do you want to hang out tomorrow? Complete crap, boys. What I always do is allude to something funny. Accusing him of an ice cream man is always something funny. Next one is I'll accuse him of being a machine gun saleswoman. Accuser of being a tanning butler. I'll be like, so what do you do for a living? Let me guess, let me guess. Looking at you, you kind of look like a tanning butler. Is that what you do? You help people get tan at the Hilton over there on 4th Street.

21:00 That's what you do, right? You're a tanning butler. Or, and this one I love, when she tells you she's a model, which they'll sometimes like try to work into the conversation, you'll be like, oh yeah, I recognize you. You're the girl who dances in the burrito outfit outside of Taco Bell on 4th Street, aren't you? You're the burrito dancer, aren't you? Or when she says she's a model, you say like an eyebrow model or like a hand model or something. Anytime they try to brag, you fucking flip it.

21:27 Another one. And this one is so funny. I literally did this two weeks ago. The girl told me she was on OnlyFans. And I was like, oh, is that like that baseball card place that sells baseball cards? You're like on TV selling baseball cards. That's what you do, huh? And she's like, shut up. The OnlyFans, the fucking promotional model, the modeling thing that so many chicks say they are. Even if they've like modeled one time, like three years ago, suddenly they're a model now. And they're all going to tell you that they're a model.

21:56 So eyebrow model, burrito dancing model, or if she says she's on OnlyFans, accuser of selling baseball cards. Another one, and I absolutely love this one. It's probably been my bread and butter over the last six months. Helmet impact tester. I'm like, you're a helmet impact tester, aren't you? That's why you're not all there right now, a little confused. I see your right eyeballs like floating away sometimes. Helmet impact tester, right? Now I'm just messing with you. What do you really do? Get her to tell you what she really does.

22:27 Based on her answer, you could tell whether or not she likes it. If she likes it, ask her what inspired you to want to become that. Let her talk about it. If she hates it, what I usually like to do, and this probably warrants its own episode, but I'm going to give a brief synopsis of what I usually like to do. I usually like to have her explain how she would like to take revenge on people. So oftentimes I'll meet waitresses out at the nightclubs because these chicks are in their early 20s when they're really hot.

22:56 A lot of them will be waitresses or of course models. And sometimes what I say is, I often wonder, how often do you guys actually take revenge on guests? Do you ever slap that stake between your armpit or accidentally drop it on the ground when the guy's being a real asshole? I mean, have you ever spat on a snake? Be honest with me. And you could talk to her about that. Here's some funny stories. Elicit that conversation. But if she really likes her job, I always say what inspired you to want to be that.

23:25 And if she can tell a similar story to your story about how she overcame adversity or was inspired by a child to be, let's say, a veterinarian because a veterinarian saved her dog when she was a little girl, those are the fucking juice, man. Those are the things that get really good attraction. So boys, I hope you got some good value out of this. As a reminder, if you heard my ad, which got you to this episode, email me at coachmarksingh at gmail.com and I will literally send you a $500 product that gets deep into how to attract women, how to become as confident and attractive as possible.

24:03 This is really high quality stuff and I'm reserving it for guys who just tell me, hey, I came from the ad. That's all you have to tell me. Explain to me what the ad said so I can corroborate that you're telling the truth and I will send you that content. I just need a way to see if people are actually listening to my episodes or if it's just bots. Because if they are listening to my episodes, which I kind of doubt based on the previous statistics, because it's like I got like 6,000 listens and then like the next day it just went back to normal.

24:30 You would think if I got 6,000 new people, at least like a few hundred, if not a thousand, would come back the next day to keep listening. That's my opinion anyway, but this is how I'm testing it. So your help there would be sincerely appreciated. Gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. I drop podcast on Mondays and Thursdays, so please stay tuned for the next one and I will see you in the next episode. What is up, brother? Just wanted to thank you sincerely for watching this episode.

24:58 If you've gotten any value whatsoever, out of my content, the single best way to help me is to like, comment, subscribe, leave me a review. You have no idea how much that helps me. Also, if you're struggling with women and you want to talk to me personally about how I can help you achieve your goals with women, sign up for my three-month coaching program below and you and I will talk. Join us in the unapologetic army. Unapologetic army. Unapologetic army.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.