The 4 Words That Kill Every Dream: How High-Value Men Think Differently

0:00 Life isn't that easy. What I have to do to achieve women isn't going to be that easy. What I need to do to become a multi-millionaire, it ain't going to be that easy. And it's that belief system that keeps you in suffering. Most people can attest that those bad things that happen to you are sometimes some of the biggest blessings. When the shit sandwich comes, you say, wait, wait, wait, hold on a second. How can I better myself from this? How can this actually be a good thing?

0:00 Then from that, you see the opportunities. Then you take those opportunities to leverage them and make your life even better, thus achieving peace. The Unapologetic Man Podcast. You want to know what my secret is? I'm okay with whatever happens. This is what enlightened master Ramana Maharishi said during one of his speeches. He was on stage. Everybody had been following him for a long time. And he's like, you guys want to know what my secret is? How I achieve peace? How I'm happy? I'm happy all the time.

0:59 How literally nothing bothers me. It's because I'm okay with whatever happens. Is that true for you, brother? I can tell you right now. It's not true for me. I am definitely not okay with whatever happens. If I watch this video and there's a fucking booger on my cheek, I'm going to be so unbelievably pissed off. I'm going to be so completely butthurt because I'm not okay with whatever happens. And I can tell you, and I know this is true for you too. I suffer a lot.

1:24 I have been through a lot of pain and suffering in my life. The place where you want to have something happen and the place where what actually is, is, that's called the pain gap. So if you want this to happen, but this is the reality, all that suffering in the middle is what you get to experience. I remember a long time ago, I used to have a massive fear of needles. And one time I had to go to the hospital to get like a tuberculosis check where they basically prick you with a needle.

1:57 I think it's like a little bit of tuberculosis or something like that. Maybe it was a different check, but they pricked me with a needle and I fucking passed out. And leading up to that appointment, I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I had a terrible phobia of doctors until I fixed it with neuro-linguistic programming, which is exactly what I do for my clients in my three-month coaching program. But I had such a fear of doctors that every single minute leading up to that was pure and utter torture because the distance between what is and the distance between what you're suffering from or what you're afraid of is the pain gap, just as it's the same between what you want to happen and what actually is.

2:38 That's the pain gap. So I got to thinking after that happened and before I was able to fix my phobia with neuro-linguistic programming, I got to thinking, how bad was that actual appointment? Well, really nothing was that bad about it. I mean, the pinprick didn't hurt. What happened afterwards, which was basically like a little bit of swelling on the pinprick didn't hurt. But really what happened is my mind made the whole situation absolutely fucking horrible. And that's the point of this episode is that a lot of guys think it's not that easy.

3:12 Life isn't that easy. What I have to do to achieve women isn't going to be that easy. What I need to do to become a multimillionaire, it ain't going to be that easy. And it's that belief system that prevents guys from having success. And it's that belief system that keeps you in suffering because oftentimes, brother, 95%, I would even say 98% of your suffering. Everything is caused by your thinking, your desires and your aversions, your belief systems, those things where you constantly torture yourself, just like I did before I went in for my stupid little tuberculosis check.

3:49 Now, for those of you who are watching on video, you may see that I have a shit ton of tattoos on my left forearm. The reason that was able to happen is because I removed my fears of needles with neurolinguistic programming. Now, when I go in to get my blood drawn or when I go in to get a tattoo, it's no big deal simply because of how I think about it. And this is the point of what Marana Maharishi said. He basically said, I'm okay with whatever happens, which is to say that he doesn't dwell on negative thinking.

4:20 He doesn't create torture for himself because of all the negative thoughts he has leading up to a situation. I mentioned in a previous podcast episode that somebody put a copyright strike on the music I was using for the intro and outro for my podcast episodes. I have 700 and I think like 8 or 713 episodes at this point. That's 700 episodes that me and my podcast editor, Liam, have to go through and redo the music for because some nitwit put a fucking copyright strike on the music that I bought from a copyright-free website about six years ago.

4:58 I straight bought the music. I got the copyright information. I even have the document sitting right there on my desktop. That begs the question, well, why don't you just fight against those copyright strikes? Because they took down my episodes before I could fight it. They're just like, hey, somebody put a copyright strike against your shit. So we're just going to start removing all your episodes. And I'm like, yeah, but I had rights to this stuff. Is it like guilty until proven innocent? Because that's true the way it seems.

5:25 Yeah, that's the way it is. So when that happened, I'm 48 years old. I've been here for a long time. I'm fucking starting to understand finally how life works. I'm definitely not perfect. And I'm recording this episode more for myself than I am for you. But I've been here for 48 years. And I always take a step back before I react. I took a deep breath. And I was like, listen, they're taking down my episodes because of some bullshit copyright strike. But maybe this is a blessing in disguise.

5:51 So I was like, you know what? Maybe the podcast intro is a little bit long. Maybe I'm losing some listeners. Maybe the outro is a little bit played out. People are sick of it. So it's cool. I'll just go ahead and change it. And Liam, my awesome podcast editor, who I just think the world of, and I'm not saying that because he's literally watching the video. But I do. And he knows it. He too had no complaints. He's like, all right, Mark, we're going to get this done.

6:15 We're going to fix this. Just give me some time and I'll do it. The guy's an absolute fucking champion. So as we started adjusting the episodes and we use that new intro, which is that girl saying the unapologetic man podcast, our downloads started going up. Our views on YouTube started going up. Everything started improving because that change happened. And this goes into the ancient wisdom taught by masters, which is don't judge a situation until you have the total picture. You, brother, do you have the total picture of the bullshit that's going on in your life right now?

6:48 And I know there's negative things happening. No, you don't have the total picture. But once the total picture plays out, most people can attest, at least those who have a towards mindset, most people can attest that those bad things that happen to you are sometimes some of the biggest blessings. In fact, we can take the calamities that have happened in our lives and calamities are basically bad news, bad things that have happened to us. And if we write out all the good things that happen from those calamities and all the bad things that happen from those calamities, you'll see that the lists are usually about even or in most cases, the good things actually outweigh the bad things.

7:29 My panic attacks, anxiety and agoraphobia, for example, that I used to experience in Japan, were it not for that, I wouldn't have found NLP, were it not for NLP, I wouldn't have discovered how to remap my brain to become more confident with women. I wouldn't have become a dating coach. I wouldn't be sitting here in front of you right now. It's those calamities, it's those bad things that open the door for good things to come. And this is why the master, Ramana Maharishi, is okay with whatever happens.

8:00 Because he understands that whatever the universe, God, source energy, whatever you want to call it, calls upon him, or we could even say whatever his own soul calls upon himself, is there to make him grow and it's for his benefit. So no matter what happens in his life, it's for his benefit. And this is why he's okay with whatever happens. He doesn't dwell on the past. He doesn't worry about the future. He doesn't have a woes me attitude when he spills something on the ground, like his shawl drops on the ground in front of an audience and his millimeter pier is sitting there flapping in the breeze.

8:37 He'd be totally okay with that. What results out of that? I do not know, but no matter what happens in his life, he knows he has the wherewithal, the discipline, and the ability to deal with it. And he deals with it with peace. Because let me ask you this, and this is something that I too suffer from. How much of your suffering is caused by your own thoughts? Probably about 95%. That girl didn't call you back. And you're sitting there dwelling on it, saying, oh, I'm unattractive.

9:06 I don't know why she doesn't like me. I'm a piece of shit. Oh, fuck her. I hate her so much. And there's like all this negativity that we create with our thought patterns. Then a week later, you find out from friends that this chick is an absolute dumpster fire. She's a stalker Texas ranger. People have nicknamed her Typhoid Amy. And it was actually a blessing that she didn't call you back, that she didn't date you. Because you avoided an absolute catastrophe, or as I like to say, a disaster fee.

9:36 So many times we judge situations before we have the total picture. Our thoughts create negative feedback loops about said situation. And we create a shit ton of suffering because the distance between what we want to happen and what actually happens is the pain gap. What if you could be okay with what actually happens? And no matter what happens in your life, you say, yes, I choose this. I was somewhat able to do that with this whole intro outro music thing. I didn't get too butthurt about it.

10:05 But there was a few minutes where I was like, motherfucker, because I woke up on Saturday and I get all these messages from Spotify. Your shit's taken down. Your shit's taken down. Copyright strike. And in the beginning, I thought it's because Liam and I are using like some famous B-roll. But that wasn't the case. It was because somebody put a copyright strike against me on music that I legally bought. So instead of getting butthurt, I took a deep breath, took a step back. And I was like, look, this might be for the better.

10:33 And instead of dwelling on it, having a victim mentality, having the whole woe is me thing, I thought, how can I improve from this? And this is one of the philosophies that the podcast host and super famous ex-Navy SEAL Jocko always says. No matter what his soldiers would come up to him with when he was a lieutenant or captain in the Navy SEALs, whatever he was, he would always say, good. Didn't get enough ammo for that campaign, good. We'll find out a different way to get ammo.

11:03 And it might even be better ammo. Didn't get that promotion I was looking for, good. I can work harder and become better. And in the case of you guys, didn't get that girl that I really wanted to get, good. Let me join Mark Singh's coaching program, become an absolute master, and get hundreds of girls that are way hotter than that sea donkey that I was dwelling on. That chick who I might as well rename Trailer Swift because ultimately she wasn't that good anyway. So you guys have the power to control your thoughts.

11:33 And again, boys, I'm telling myself this just as much as I'm telling you. Literally, I have a tiki room that I created and I do videos on Instagram in there if you ever want to check them out. But I have a tiki room and somebody asked me the other day, why is it called Grumpy's Tiki Room? Because I'm grumpy. I'm grumpy in the morning. I'm grumpy at night. Everything irritates me. And I have worked for decades to clear this malady that I was born with. But I've reached the point where I actually thank that malady because sometimes your biggest weakness is your biggest superpower.

12:06 The fact that I'm grumpy, the fact that I have tons of anxiety, man, it's made me into such a successful businessman because I'm constantly anxious about how many listeners I'm getting, how many coaching applications I'm getting, whether or not I'm delivering absolutely phenomenal results to my clients, whether or not all my guys are happy, are they pulling girls, am I delivering on my promises? The anxiety that produces that produces great results for my clients and has made me very successful. So I want to ask you, what's your biggest malady?

12:37 Is it like me where everything fucking irritates you? Good. Now you have a chance on being able to remap your belief systems around those things that irritate you and overcome it. Because as a lot of, you know, I believe, I think you chose to come in with that. I chose to come in as easily annoyed and easily frustrated. I chose to come in with a massive helping of anxiety in order to overcome it. And now that I have overcome, at least the anxiety part, the frustration part, I'm still struggling with.

13:08 But now that I have overcome that, I feel like I've leveled up so much in my life. And you too, brother, like what is it that you struggle with? Is it money? Is it relationships? Is it the ability to banter with hot girls? Think on your feet. What is that? The obstacle is the way. That's the way you need to go in order to get to the next level. And here's the secret. Be okay with whatever happens because you know that things are happening for you, not to you.

13:38 If you struggle with talking to girls and you go into a conversation and it doesn't go so well, good. Now you can improve yourself to get to that next level so you can attract much harder girls than that girl was. If you have issues with money, you're just not able to attract enough money, good. Work on your psychology around money because I tell you, money is all belief systems. Abundance is flowing to you, brother. You are literally a multimillionaire. And you're laughing right now because you're like, it sure doesn't seem that way, but hear me out.

14:09 You are a multimillionaire. Once you get out of your own fucking way with your negative beliefs, your woes me, you're complaining that there's not enough money. What happens when you complain there's not enough money, girls, success, abundance, happiness? The universe says, yes, you're right. There's not enough. And it gives you exactly what you tell it. Why was Maharashi okay with whatever happens? Because he understands the universal truth of get the fuck out of the way. Accept what is as if you chose it. When it comes to you, say yes to it.

14:41 Say good about it because it's there to benefit you. It's there to grow you. You wouldn't have called it to yourself unless it was. And again, guys, my tiki room, which is in the room behind me, it's literally called grumpy's tiki room because I have a lot to achieve by being grumpy. But I've come to the point where I no longer resist the resistance of being grumpy. I surrender to it and say, yeah, sometimes I'm grumpy. That's okay. And here's what happens. The grumpiness goes away.

15:11 The second you say yes to what is, you have power over it and you become that high value man that no longer believes it's not that easy. And that's the biggest lie that a lot of you are telling yourself. It usually is that easy, man. What's happening is your thoughts around it are making it difficult. Your thoughts around it are creating your suffering, your rigid expectations of your ego, the way it has to be. It has to be like this. If it's not like this, I'm not going to be happy.

15:40 But it's like this over here. All that distance is the pain gap. So instead of saying it has to be like this, instead say it's like this, you know what, that's good because I'm going to work and achieve to get it like this, which is my desire. But I'm not going to rigidly hang on to that desire and make myself suffer when I don't have it. I am going to let go and let God, as they say, having faith in the universal process that whatever happens to you actually happens for you.

16:10 It's for your growth. And when you have that kind of power over things, which make no mistake, I too am trying to learn. That's the secret to peace. That's the secret to life. That's the enlightened being secret. I am okay with whatever happens. Because if it's happening, it's supposed to happen. I called it to myself for some reason. So let's leverage it to get the best results possible. And that's what you guys are doing right now, especially if you've listened this far in. A lot of people have already clicked away.

16:40 They just want to go get the techniques, the tricks, like my previous episode about how to answer in a funny way when a girl asks you what you do. Those are the highest downloaded episodes. But you're still here, brother, which shows me that you're that tier one dude. You're the guy who is going to get to that top level. And when you're doing it, tell yourself sometimes, you know what? It is that easy. Me going to the hospital and getting my arm pricked literally was nothing.

17:07 But I made it into this huge, big deal. Just like I made needles into a huge, big deal. But once I overcome them, I'm like, ah, getting tattoos ain't that bad. Really, lots of stuff is not that bad. And 95% of our suffering is caused by our thoughts about it. This shouldn't be happening. What was me? Why do I have such bad luck? Why am I poor all the time? Why is my dick so dry it's going to audition for the next movie of Dune? Leverage that shit, man.

17:34 Say good about it. And instead of dwelling on it, leverage it. Figure out the solution. This is the point of life. And you have more than enough resources, more than enough energy, more than enough creativity to get there. I saw an interesting Instagram post the other day where a girl asked the dude, how many red cars did you see when you drove here today? And he's like, I don't know. I didn't really notice any. And she's like, if I told you I would give you $50 for every red car you see from here on out, do you think you would see a lot of red cars?

18:08 And he's like, oh, yeah, definitely. Because I'd be getting money for it and I'd be paying attention to it. And she said, well, that's what opportunities are. They're like red cars passing you by. But because you're not inclined to look for them, you're not going to see them. But when you have a different mind state that says opportunities are there, abundance is there, it is that easy. When I choose to believe it is that easy, you're going to see the opportunities flowing by you, just like when I got my intro and outro music completely fucking ripped out from under me.

18:40 I was like, you know what? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Maybe this is an opportunity. Then I changed the intro. I changed the outro. Now my downloads are going up. That's oftentimes how life works. Opportunities are given to you in what looks like a shit sandwich. And your only question when you get that shit sandwich is, do I want it on toast or do I want it on bread? You grab that shit sandwich as if you chose to grab it. And then from that, something magical manifests out of it.

19:07 Pure acceptance of what is, leveraging that shitty situation to make yourself better. It will make you better. So when you're going out in your life today, look for those opportunities, man. Just like you're going to get 50 bucks for every red car that you see. And you'll start seeing them coming past you, even disguised as shitty calamities. Then once you start mastering this practice, you begin being okay with what is. You accept it as if you chose it. And from that, opportunity, growth, enjoyment, peace, and enlightenment manifest out of that.

19:43 So gentlemen, I hope this has helped you the way it's helped me. I think about this shit all the time because I'm inclined to complain, man. I'm inclined to have the woes me mentality, the victim mentality, and I've been fighting it my whole life. But recently I've come to the conclusion, don't fight it. Accept it as if you chose it, but leverage it to make yourself better. When the shit sandwich comes, you say, God damn it. But you say, wait, wait, wait, hold on a second.

20:08 How can I better myself from this? How can this actually be a good thing? Then from that, you see the red cars. You see the opportunities. Then you take those opportunities to leverage them and make your life even better, thus achieving peace. Remember, the distance between what you desire and your rigid ego demands and what is, which means what is actually in reality, is the pain gap. So instead of having those rigid ego demands, accept what is as if you chose it and that pain gap collapses to nothing.

20:41 So guys, I hope this has helped you. I have an awesome one coming up on Thursday. That is going to be a little more technique oriented. In fact, I'm really excited about this one. Got a lot of hilarious things to share with you guys. So stay tuned for that. And I will see you in the next episode. What is up, brother? Just wanted to thank you sincerely for watching this episode. If you've gotten any value whatsoever out of my content, the single best way to help me is to like, comment, subscribe, leave me a review.

21:10 You have no idea how much that helps me. Also, if you're struggling with women and you want to talk to me personally about how I can help you achieve your goals with women, sign up for my three-month coaching program below and you and I will talk. Join us in the unapologetic army. Hey, brothers, my courageous fighting brothers, face your fears and follow me. We are the sons of the UMP.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.