Why You Should FART in Front of Girls

0:00 Oh, Mark. That was good. Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. And that introduction got so many people pissed off. So if you laughed because you're lighthearted and you know how to laugh, then I respect you. But for those of you who take life way too seriously, relax, guys. It was just a fucking joke.

0:47 Jesus. Wouldn't even believe this. Some of you guys take life way too seriously. You get pissed off too seriously. You're too easily offended. And what does being offended easily say? It says that you have a big ego because you believe that everybody should behave the way you behave. You believe everybody should adhere to what you believe is right and wrong. Therefore, you're creating suffering for yourself and for others. So ease up a little bit, gentlemen, as well as any ladies listening. It was just a fucking joke.

1:16 In today's episode, the title was also supposed to get a little rise out of you because I'm going to talk about why you should fart in front of girls. Now, obviously, boys, there's a gigantic caveat to this. But straight up, sometimes I'll fart in front of girls. Not the fart that you heard at the beginning of the show, which hopefully my podcast editor, Liam, chose an extra funny one. But a little trumpet fart, a little bleep, just to make her laugh, just to show her this all-important rule that I'm going to talk about today.

1:46 So definitely stay tuned until the end because I'm going to explain all of this. And a lot of it may shock you, especially if, again, you got butthurt, if you hyper-extended your butthole when you heard that joke at the beginning of the episode, or the title got you all pissed off and you smashed that play button because you're just an angry person who wants to listen to podcast episodes so you could get more angry. If that's who you are, I strongly suggest you look into that because, again, you're taking shit way too seriously.

2:13 And if you're looking for reasons to get pissed off, that should tell you something about your psychology. So we're going to get in today's episode with a short example of why what I'm about to teach you is so effective. So when I was about 20 years old, I had a good friend named Ira. And Ira was an absolute girl magnet. He was my best friend since we were probably about seven years old and we grew up together and he would always get girls and I wouldn't. He would literally be the dude where we would go into a nightclub and I would like a girl.

2:43 He would go home with her. Every single girl would get attracted to him. He just had that it factor. He is, for all intents and purposes, a natural. Whereas me, as is true with a lot of you guys, is not a natural. And I had to learn this shit to become a quote unquote natural and you could do that too. So he would get on the phone with girls who I would give a 10 and I do not give 10s easily. I'm talking Playboy models, Instagram models, OnlyFans chicks.

3:10 Although back then, OnlyFans didn't exist. But you know what I'm talking about. The kind of chick that has at least several hundred thousand followers, if not a million plus followers. He was dating those chicks consistently. At this time, he lived in his mom's basement. He didn't have a job. His driver's license was suspended because he was caught for drinking and driving. And they used to put one of those blow things on his car and he would actually have me blowing it just to drive. I mean, the dude, for all intents and purposes, was pretty messed up.

3:40 He was, of course, in his early 20s at that time where we're all kind of messed up. But this is to show you that you don't need money. You don't need status. You don't need anything other than frame and game to be able to attract women. So I remember one conversation he was having with a girl on the phone very clearly. And I actually use this conversation as a basis for this technique that I'm going to teach you today. So he's talking to this 10 on the other line.

4:05 And he's like, hey, listen, I got to get off the phone right now, jump in the shower and wash my ass. Yeah, see you later. So I'm there listening to this dude. And I'm like, dude, what are you doing, bro? Why did you just tell her that? And he's like, relax, bro. That actually gets him more attracted to you. And I was like, how in the literal fuck is that going to get her more attracted to you? Her imagining washing your ass. He's like, bro, you don't get it.

4:28 It's not about me washing my ass or doing anything like that. It's showing her that I don't give a shit what she thinks of me. And this, boys, is a central principle of my coaching. You have to show these chicks that you don't fucking care what they think of you. So, yes, I will sometimes fart in front of them to show them I don't care what they think of me. I will sometimes blow my nose, cough, say things that basically indicate low value or that I shouldn't be saying.

4:56 But what's weird about attracting women is it's oftentimes counterintuitive. You think that would demonstrate low value, but it actually demonstrates high value because, again, you're showing her your opinion of me doesn't matter. What you think of me is none of my business. Now, from her perspective, let's say she is really attractive or even just a regular chick. She's thinking, why isn't he trying to impress me like all other guys are trying to do? Gentlemen, you have no idea how often dudes will go into dating situations, bars, nightclubs, parties, whatever it is, bragging about themselves, trying to show off, trying to work the fact that they have a Ferrari into the first conversation or the fact that they're a lawyer, dentist, plastic surgeon into the first three sentences.

5:42 What I teach, which actually works, is don't try to impress them. In fact, jokingly do the opposite. Tell them why they shouldn't date you, why you're a bad kisser, why your penis is what you call the angry inch. And then you're like poking her with your thumb and you're like, be careful, the angry inch is going to get you. Why you stink like BO after every day at the end of the day and you have to take like two showers just to get into bed so you don't sniff your own waft and keep yourself awake at night.

6:09 It's not the fact that you're making fun of your BO or making fun of yourself or farting really loudly. It's the fact that you don't care what she thinks. When she understands that you don't give a shit what she thinks, you are higher value in her eyes. Because again, every other guy is trying to brag and trying to build himself up, but you feel like you're enough and you're not trying to get anything from her. So literally, boys, in the female mind, he farted in front of me equals he's not trying to get anything from me.

6:36 I could be comfortable in front of him. Ooh, I'm kind of feeling attracted to him because he's not trying to get me. Hmm, he must have lots of options. Girls must really like him because he doesn't give a shit. He's not trying to do what other guys do, which is to make themselves look great. Hmm, funny. I'm feeling attracted to him. Meanwhile, people who read my title who know nothing about girls hyper extend their butthole. They get upset. They tighten the tie around their neck and they fucking tie their dockers extra tight because they're anal and they don't understand that.

7:10 When you show a chick that you don't fucking care and you're willing to be lighthearted and joke and just do a little trumpet fart, which is what I call him in front of a girl, she's going to get more into you because you show her that you don't care. Now, obviously, guys, it goes without saying, and I can't even believe I have to say this. There's a diminishing level of returns when it comes to blowing a fart in front of a chick. Obviously, you don't want to throw your leg up on her shoulder and rip one in her face that smells like a burnt taco that got shit on by a sumo wrestler.

7:40 It needs to be a trumpet fart, as I call it, just a little squeak to make her laugh, to make yourself laugh, and to show her you don't give a shit. This, too, is why I'll blow my nose in front of girls. I remember I had a client about two years ago. He's like, Mark, I just don't believe that blowing your nose in front of a girl is going to really do anything. And I was like, all right, try it, man. I double-dog dare you to try that shit.

8:03 So sure enough, homeboy goes out to the bar. He's talking to this smoking hot bartender. He's like, hey, can you pass me a napkin? And he blows snot into that napkin, throws it in the trash, and he swears to God. He has told this story to about 15 others of my clients. She got attracted to him from that point forward. Now, it's not the fact that you're blowing your nose or blowing a fart or blowing a snot rocket onto the sidewalk. It's the fact that you don't care what she thinks.

8:31 So guys, always deliver this in a very subtle, funny way, a way that shows you don't give a shit, a way that shows you're not trying to impress her, such as, I like how I'm kind of getting fat during these cold winter months. It's really keeping me warm as you grab your fat. But of course, if you were to grab her hand and freaking put it under your wet armpit and be like, dude, look at the bow I'm kicking right now. Smell your hand, bro. Smell your hand.

8:55 That's the diminishing level of returns. So it's subtle, boys. You just sprinkle this in like a little bit of paprika on your hummus, bro. Just a little tiny bit. Just to make her know that you don't give a shit about what she thinks of you. You could also insult yourself, but it's always in a funny way that shows her you're actually secure in that thing, which goes back to my angry inch analogy. I will oftentimes tell women the reason I don't have a boyfriend is because I got the angry inch.

9:24 The thing is small, but it's angry and it's going to get you. And I'll pinch her with it. And I'll say, hey, hey, listen, it's not the size of the dinghy. It's the motion of the ocean. And then she cracks up because she knows if I'm making fun of that, it's probably not true. If I'm saying I'm a bad kisser, I'm bad at sex, I'm bad at cunnilingus, where I say to women, you should bite the clitoris, shouldn't you? I thought that's what you were supposed to do.

9:47 She knows I'm actually good at it because I don't need to brag to prove myself. When do you know that somebody is truly wealthy when they don't show off their wealth? When somebody is buying Prada bags and trying to wear Rolexes and Gucci shirts and show off their Ferrari and BMW, did you know most of those people are very much in debt? Whereas a true millionaire is a guy who, like me, drives a forerunner, keeps it humble. He's saving his money. He's investing it. And he doesn't need to brag about it.

10:16 He doesn't need to go out and say, oh, I make this much money because he's secure in it. Those people who try to act rich are insecure about not being rich and they want to be perceived as being wealthy. So they wear all these really high-end things. Those guys who go into conversations with women caring about what they think about them, what are they going to do? They're going to brag about shit. They're going to brag about their accomplishments because ultimately, what does this communicate? I don't feel like I'm enough.

10:46 So I need to prove to you that I am enough. So you like me. Because ultimately, I perceive you above me. Would you fart in front of a girl you're attracted to? For the vast majority of you guys, you wouldn't. And again, you're not throwing your leg up on her shoulder saying, here, hold this. And then blowing a fucking fart with gas, with oily discharge in front of her face. And she's like, oh my God, this guy's disgusting. Come on, boys, be logical. But you are willing to show her, I don't give a shit what you think.

11:14 Why? Because I'm socially above you. I have more options than just you. I have a line of girls around the block, across the freeway, over the freaking stadium, and back through the subway system waiting to date me. So I don't care what you think of me. And frankly, you're not really my type. Which is a good push-pull move, by the way. It's too bad you're not my type, because you're really cute. Right? Too bad you're not my type. You're pushing her away, because you're really cute pushing her in.

11:41 But what that communicates is, I don't care what you think. So farting, maybe burping a little bit, picking your nose. I double-dog dare you guys to go for a winner in front of a chick. Now again, you may be thinking, bro, that's disgusting. And yes, sometimes it can be. You want to just tread that line of being gross, because this can quickly get into gross. You don't want to be like, dude, I just itched my balls and a piece of cheese came out. I call it from-unda cheese.

12:09 From-unda, get it? And she's like, dude, this guy's gross. No, of course not. But you can be like, dude, it's been so long since I shaved my balls. It looks like a sheep standing at six feet of grass. Can't even see the dude anymore. Joking, making fun of yourself, showing her it's not really true. And that's the thing as well, is when you make fun of yourself, it has to be communicated that I'm so secure in this thing, such as, for example, my penis size. I'm willing to call it the Angry Inch toy with you and say, it's angry, but it's going to get you and poke you with it.

12:43 Then that shows that, again, I don't give a shit what you think. I can fart in front of you. I can cough in front of you, burp, blow my nose, sneeze. All these things that humans have to do naturally, do it in front of her. Don't try to hold it back. You guys ever see that commercial where there's this super fine chick, and she comes home to her apartment and she just got back from a hot date and she just starts farting and burping. It's like all this stuff is coming out of her because it's a joke that when we're on dates and stuff, we hold that stuff in.

13:14 And ultimately, if you have a silent but deadly nuclear bomb, then yeah, dude, go into the bathroom and let that out. But again, a little trumpet fart, a little squeak will make her laugh, will make both of you laugh, show her you don't give a shit what she thinks of you. I remember when I was a bouncer, I would always stop at this really hot girl's house on my way to Denver. I was a bouncer in Denver, Colorado, and we would have sex, and then I would get in the shower, and then I would go to my bouncer job.

13:41 Well, I just got laid, so now I can be myself, right? It's like no guy is more himself than after he comes, which is really true. So I would just get laid. She was super fine. Oh, my hell, she had the perfect body in my opinion. Just thinking about that thing kind of fucks me up. Anyway, we would have sex, and then I would go get in the shower. Well, her shower naturally was right next to her sink. She would also get ready because she worked at night.

14:05 She was a cocktail waitress, and I would be in the shower, and I always thought it was really funny to wash my ass, going back to Ira's joke. I got to get in the shower to wash my ass. So I'd wash that thing, and then when you're putting your hand in and out of it, it makes this slapping noise. So I would make a big joke out of it by getting water and just being like, whoops, whoops, whoops, whoops. And she'd be like, what are you doing?

14:25 And I'd be like, I'm washing my ass. Leave me alone. And she fell in love with me, dude. She fell in love with me, and a lot of you guys know what this is like. When you can make fun of yourself, when you can be silly about those things, some guys even like Dutch oven their girlfriends by farting and pinning her under the sheets. I don't necessarily recommend that. But it's essentially showing you are so secure with yourself that you're willing to be yourself. And that's ultimately what's communicated.

14:52 And who's willing to be himself, his genuine true self, other than the guy who fully believes in himself? Not many guys. Again, many guys will be the opposite. They'll be stifled. They'll go into screensaver mode. They'll try to brag. They'll try to be what they're not because they think what they are is not acceptable. So I say be completely who you are. Don't give a shit about what she thinks of you. Be what we call outcome independent. I don't care about outcome. I'm not trying to get anything from you.

15:22 I'm not trying to impress you. What I'm trying to do is make us laugh. Make us, not you, not only me, but us. Because I give value, but at the same time, I don't care what happens. And that's the secret ingredient. So why should you fart in front of girls? It's very simple, gentlemen. You just want to show her. You don't give a shit about what she thinks. And you are outcome independent. Whatever happens, happens. And I'm here to have fun. I'm here to entertain myself and you.

15:50 And if you don't like it, there's the door. Don't let the door hit you with a good Lord. Split you, you sea donkey. And if I need to fart, I'm going to throw my leg up on your arm and rip one. Because I don't give a shit about what you think of me. Of course, I'm just joking on that last one. Be careful. Just deliver this in small doses. But try it out, gentlemen. I dare you to go out and the next time you're talking to a girl, make fun of yourself for being a little bit fat.

16:14 In a way that shows you're actually secure about it. Blow your nose in front of her. Sneeze in front of her. And yeah, if you're talking to a chick and you got some decent attraction, you got yourself a little trumpet fart stored up, let that guy out. Just be like, tweet and laugh about it. And be lighthearted and be charismatic. And don't give a shit about what they think of you. That's the point of today's episode. Gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. As a reminder, I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays.

16:41 So please stay tuned for the next one. And I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.