The Secret to Playing the Long Game With Women — While Still Keeping the Upper Hand

0:00 Today, boys, we are going to talk about the long game, which means an extended period of time where you get to build rapport with her, get to know each other, and get her attracted to you. The most powerful relationships are those that mature with time. She can get used to you. She can learn about you. You can learn about her. You guys can get attracted to each other, and then boom, it sticks. We're going to discuss how to do it, the techniques that you have to use, how to prevent yourself from being in the friend zone, and how to eventually lock down that girl.

0:34 Take your time. Nurture the attraction. The Unapologetic Man Podcast. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of The Uniform, Mike Papa. I super appreciate you joining me. Today, boys, we are going to talk about the long game, why you should, when possible, always take your time with seducing a woman, getting a girl attracted to you. This is by far the most preferred way to do it, as opposed to the meet the girl at a nightclub, party, bar, wherever you happen to be, get her phone number, text her, and then take her on a date.

1:11 That's good, too, including day game, meeting a girl in the day, getting her phone number, taking her on a date. But the way to really make it stick, the most powerful relationships are those that mature with time. She can get used to you. She can learn about you. You can learn about her. You guys could get attracted to each other. And then, boom, it sticks. This is really the way they used to do it back in the 1900s. I don't know if you guys remember those olden days of the 1900s, but that's the way they used to do it.

1:41 They used to become friends first, or perhaps they were co-workers. They knew each other in a friends group, whatever it was. And then with time, that attraction would mature, and then they would decide to eventually date. Now, this obviously gets into the question about the friend zone and everything like that, which I will discuss today, but ultimately speaking, the campaign, as I call it, which means an extended period of time where you get to build rapport with her, get to know each other, and get her attracted to you, is by far the preferred route.

2:13 So we're going to discuss that today. We're going to discuss how to do it, the techniques that you have to use, how to prevent yourself from being in the friend zone, and how to eventually lock down that girl. So when I use the term campaign, that essentially means multiple touches over an extended period of time so that, once again, her attraction for you can mature. How many of you guys have experienced it where a girl or even a guy has asked for your phone number too quickly, or in the case of the dude, he asked for it the first day you guys met?

2:47 Let's say you're doing a hobby together, and he's like, hey, man, you're pretty cool. Why don't you toss me your phone number? And you're like, bro, I don't really know you. We just met literally today, and you're already asking for my phone number? Creepy as fuck, dude. Are you trying to leave a used condom in my butt or something? Nah, man, I'm good. And it just comes across as creepy. Well, girls feel the same way. They're like, this dude hardly knows me. Why does he want my phone number?

3:13 Oh, obviously, because he's attracted to me, and he wants to have sex with me. That's kind of always their default assumption, right? Like, he wants to fuck me. I'm not going to give him my phone number. Creepy, creepy. Now, I don't want this to deter you guys from yanking phone numbers from girls you just met. But once again, the far better way to do it is to build that relationship over time. This is how humans naturally are. It's just like you and your friends. What is it like when you meet like a new guy?

3:40 You're always like, oh, man, I don't want to bullshit with this dude. I already have my friends. Like, I don't want to get to know this guy. And then maybe you see him a few more times. Like, he's a neighbor or a coworker. You guys have a couple conversations where you hit it off. You have a few things in common. You have a couple laughs. And you're like, you know what? This dude's pretty cool. And then maybe a few more exchanges happen. And you realize that just like you, he's into, let's say, fly fishing.

4:06 Fly fishing is something I'm super into right now. So we're using that example. He talks about the woolly bugger. He talks about the mayfly nymph. He talks about the hatch that's going to go off on the Colorado River in August. And you're like, dude, this guy's pretty cool. Let's go hang out together. It always comes from a natural manifestation of, first of all, you guys meeting, you guys getting to know each other. Then you find things in common. Then you guys go hang out. If we can, we want to manifest that same kind of effect with females.

4:37 Now, again, that's not always possible. I mean, I've opened chicks that were like jogging. I knew I'd never see them again, stopped them, and went for the phone number within seconds. But as we talked about in the previous episode, how to get a girl's phone number, it's way better when you can have more time. Logistically, it's not always possible. But ideally speaking, the more time you have to build that trust, connection, rapport, and yes, attraction, the better it is for you. So what I always tell my clients is this.

5:08 Anytime you are going to see a girl multiple times and you know it, do not go for the phone number on the first time you meet her. So say, for example, you see a cute girl at the gym. You guys talk. You open her with the typical open that I always teach, which is, hey, I've never seen you in here before. I'd like to introduce myself to everybody. What's up? What's your name? She's like, oh, my name's Kelly. You're like, what's up, Kelly? My name's Mark.

5:33 Good to meet you. Watch out for that machine. It killed two people last week. So be careful with that thing. And she's like, ha ha ha. You say goodbye before she's had too much of you. And that's a touch. Multiple touches over an extended period of time. The next time you see her, you go up to her and you're like, hey, what's going on? What was your name again? It was Sha Dynasty, wasn't it? And she's like, no, silly. My name was Kelly. And then I'm always like, do you remember my name?

5:58 And she's like, yeah, it was Mark. And I'm like, oh, good job. And I'm like, so I see that machine didn't kill you. You get through that, okay? And she's like, yeah, it was fine. And then I might be like, well, what are you working today? And she's like, oh, today's leg day. And I'm like, yeah, that's the day I always accidentally skip, right? And she laughs. And then I say, take care, have a good workout. Then what I do is I see her again, extend the conversation a little bit longer, again and again and again, and tell what, boys?

6:25 What do I need to be in place before I ask for her phone number? Obviously, it's attraction. And pertaining to my last episode, how many signs of attraction do you need before you ask for the phone number? A minimum of three, preferably four, preferably five, preferably as many as you can get. So the campaign, again, is multiple touches over an extended period of time. Rather than going in, say, for example, the gym again, trying to stick the conversation, talk to her for 15, 20 minutes, as you see so many dudes do at the gym.

7:00 All you guys have seen it. These guys just like so fucking thirsty, sticking the girl there. Meanwhile, she's got her arms crossed. And she's kind of like looking around, like, how long do I have to talk to this guy? How do I get rid of this dude without being rude to him? You're different. You go up, introduce yourself, give some value, make her laugh, leave on a high note, understanding you're going to see her again. And it's not only at the gym. This happens in nightclubs and bars too.

7:28 If you're the kind of guy who likes to go out to nightclubs and bars, and I know a lot of you don't, but some of you do, what you should do is go to the same nightclubs and bars on the same nights, same day, every single week. You should have somewhat of a pattern. You don't want to look like creepy and look like you're like a regular so much, but you definitely want to be around the same bars on the same weeks at the same time.

7:52 Why is this? Because humans have schedules. We are creatures of habit. So girls who go to bars and nightclubs, I'm telling you, they always go to the same bars, same nightclubs, same days, same times, almost every single week. And what's funny is I was a bouncer for five years. And what I noticed is that girls will go through rotations. They'll go to the same bars and nightclubs for probably like six months, and then you just won't see them again. They find something else, they do something different.

8:22 But during that time, if you're smart, if you meet a girl in a nightclub or a bar and you want to campaign her, the best thing to do is to not go for the phone number the first time because you're pretty sure you're going to see her again once you figure out her logistics. If she's like traveling from a different state or even a different city, of course, you might have to go for the clothes that night. But what I'm always thinking of when I'm gaming girls is logistics.

8:48 Where is she from? Is she going to come to this bar a lot more times? Is she going to be a regular? Who is she with? Does she have to fly out, for example, tomorrow morning? And I'm never going to see this girl again. Why would I waste my time with her when the girl over there, who's almost as cute, is a girl who I will see again, who I can campaign? So logistics are always considered. And if you're going to see this girl again, and I have to renunciate this over and over again to you guys, do a campaign.

9:17 Take your time. Nurture the attraction. So going back to the nightclub, I talked to a girl. I understand she lives in Denver. I'm probably going to see her again. So even if she tries to give me her phone number that night, I might be like, hey, we just met each other. I'll probably see you around. Let's just chat the next time. That not only displays a hell of a lot of confidence because I don't need her, but it also shows that I have options. I'm an attractive guy, and I'm not trying to force her into a phone number, which so many other dudes are doing.

9:50 So again, anytime you're going to see the girl again, don't go for the phone number. Don't go for the clothes. What you're working on are the first two pillars in the four pillars of attraction. Let's review them. The four pillars of attraction are frame control, value, sexual tension, qualifying. The first two pillars of attraction, frame control and value, are leading the conversation, never letting her get into your state, showing her that you're an alpha male. You're going to lead that little girl to where she wants to be led.

10:23 And then value is you're entertaining every time. You're interesting every time. And we could even say you're non-needy every time. You're not going for her phone number. In fact, boys, what I'll purposely do is wait for them to ask for my phone number. Wait for them to start suggesting that we hang out. Wait for them being extremely attracted to me until I go for their phone number. Why? Just like what I talked about on Thursday's episode. I talked about how it's easy to get phone numbers.

10:54 But the real question is, can you get a phone number that sticks? A phone number that sticks requires a certain amount of attraction. And that attraction is best garnered with time. With you being like, nah, we're good. Like, I don't need to take your phone number right now. Maybe at most you take her Instagram and you're like, yeah, let's follow each other on Instagram. And then pertaining to my Instagram episode I recently released, you have a super dialed page. You have pre-selection. This girl's like, oh, this guy's different.

11:25 I'm attracted to him. Then she sees you again. And then she starts approaching you. And you're like, hey, what's up, Shadina Steve? How you been? She's like, shut up. It's not Shadina Steve. My name's Amy. You're like, yeah, I know I'm fucking with you. In fact, I'm stalking you. I have a picture of you on my ceiling. I was crying on the corner of my bed last week because you didn't show up to the bar. I was so disappointed. Where you been last two weeks? You're not hanging out with some other guy, are you?

11:50 And you have this relationship. You guys are building that rapport. And I'm telling you, boys, when you can get girls attracted enough to you, they will fucking show up to see you. I literally had, and I don't want to brag, but I'm just trying to enunciate and give you an example of how effective this is. I used to have girls show up to the bar to come see me. They wouldn't even be with their friends. They would drive sometimes as far as an hour, like they lived in Fort Collins, and they'd drive down to Denver to come to the cowboy bar to see me, get all done up, all their makeup, wear the best outfit possible, just to see me.

12:26 They'd walk in, and they'd be like, hey, Mark, how are you? And I'd be like, good, good. Who are you here with? And they'd be like, oh, nobody. I just came tonight. And I'd be like, you came alone? And they'd be like, yeah. And I'd be like, why? And they'd be like, well, I just kind of wanted to talk to you. And I'd be like, what the fuck, dude? Her hair's all done. Her makeup's all done. Just to talk to you. Guys, it wasn't just because I was a bouncer.

12:49 It wasn't just because I knew how to spit game. You can do this too. Once you get good at giving frame and value, frame, always controlling the conversation, leading that girl to where she wants to be led to, which is, of course, into her emotions. Value. Entertaining her, being funny, busting her chops, running gambits, flipping attraction hot switches. She starts to get attracted. You haven't gone sexual yet, which, remember, is the third pillar in the four pillars of attraction. You haven't, like, qualified her. You haven't tried to make her work for you too much, maybe a little bit.

13:24 But all you're doing is the first two pillars, frame, control, value, frame, control, value. She's getting attracted to you. And you can run this on any girl, anytime, anywhere. The cute barista at Starbucks. The girl who does your dry cleaning. A girl you work with, even though I don't always suggest that. If you want to get together with the girl that you're working with, the best thing and the only thing you can do is a campaign. Take your time, boys. Tell that red-helmeted warrior in your pants to stand down, Sergeant Horny.

13:57 I know he's so horny he'd fuck a snake if he could hold it straight. Or he's so horny he would fuck the frothy armpit of a girl on the Stairmaster. Tell him to stand down. Relax, bro. We're going to get it in. Wait for her to get attracted. What are signs of attraction? You guys should know this by now. Asking you personal questions. Asking you about your schedule. Laughing at jokes that aren't funny. Being super interested in you. Noticing things about you, which is a huge one.

14:25 I'll talk about that in a second. Touching you. Leaning in. Just being generally interested in you. Just like a guy who you're going to get together with and go do some fly fishing with. He's like interested. He shows up. He's asking you questions. He's like pumped to talk to you. And when it comes to girls, specifically those you're running campaigns on, one big sign of attraction is when she notices something about you that's changed. Say, for example, you get like a new tattoo and she's like, oh, I like your tattoo.

14:56 Or you do something to your car and she notices that something has changed on your car out in the parking lot. Huge signs of attraction. So, once you get three minimum, preferably five to seven very clear signs of attraction, you go for the phone number. You say, you know what? I really enjoy talking to you. I feel like we get along pretty well. How would you feel about tossing me your number? And we can hang out sometime. Or in the case of like a friend group or something like that, you say, hey, listen, we always hang out with our friends.

15:24 Let's go out to dinner, you and me. And if she's attracted enough, if there's enough rapport, if you could tell she's obviously attracted to you, she's going to say, yes, boys. Now, how's the way to keep yourself out of the friend zone? Don't keep yourself out of the friend zone. In fact, friend zone her. In the beginning, call her a friend. And yes, boys, I do this with every single girl. And I've talked about this too. Why you should friend zone girls right out of the gate, especially when you're running a campaign.

15:53 Campaign and friend zoning girls should almost be one in the same thing. She's a friend. She hasn't made the cut yet. Let's see what she's got. That's why when she's like, what are you doing this weekend? Or why don't you give me your phone number? In the beginning, you're kind of like, yeah, we just met. Let's do that later. Let's just get to know each other more first. How many guys do that? So few. So you friend zone her. You call her a friend. Friend zone them before they can friend zone you, boys.

16:20 And if you think that by you friend zoning a girl, she's automatically off the availability chart. You'll never be able to hook up with her. You're completely and utterly mistaken. The fact is, the quicker you friend zone some girls, the quicker they're going to get attracted to you, especially cute ones. Because they're going to be like, why isn't he like attracted to me? Why isn't he trying to like hook up with me? He friend zoned me? Why isn't he after me? The way all other thirsty guys are being like, you want some dick?

16:50 You want some dick? You want some dick? Meanwhile, this guy's like, nah, we're good. Like, we'll just hang out. We're just friends. And you could even go further and ask her advice about other girls. This is a different way of thinking, boys. This is you being the prize. What do I always tell you guys in this podcast? You're the prize. She's the one submitting the application. You're the hot chick. She's not the hot chick. How would you behave if you were the hot chick? Would you like try to go for her phone number the first time you meet her at the gym?

17:21 Of course not. Bro, you're dating four girls. Going back to the golden rule of seduction, you are wearing a fucking bracelet that says, what would I do if I were dating four girls? If you were dating four girls and you met a chick at the gym, you'd be like, yeah, this chick seems interesting. She seems pretty cool. She's got a tight ass and some nice titties and she's pretty cute, but what else does she have? I'm going to run the campaign on this chick. See if she makes the cut.

17:47 So over time, you talk to her, see if she's funny, make her laugh, give her tons of value. Bam, the attraction signals are there. And then you say, you know what? You seem pretty cool. Why don't you toss me her number? As I spoke about in the last episode. And during your conversations with her, you use the F word. You call her a friend. You ask her advice about other girls. You let her know you're not that interested in her yet. Yet. And there always has to be that little window, little bit of flirtiness based off her flirtiness.

18:20 How much flirtiness do you give her? 80%. So she's kind of like saying some flirty things at you. And you guys are just friends. You're just campaigning it. But she says a few flirty things like, oh, you get all the girls. You may like throw it back at her and be like, you get all the guys. Look at you, little hottie at the gym, dude. Like in your fucking yoga pants. I know what you're up to. All the dudes checking you out. Check you out, girl. You're fucking killing it.

18:45 You can show a little bit of interest based off how much interest she's showing you. And then once you get those three, five, seven, 10, 50,000 signs of attraction, you go for the phone number. How to avoid the friend zone? Put her in the friend zone. You want to be in the friend zone. But the difference is you friend zone her before she can friend zone you. I call it preemptive friend zoning. Friends on their asses, boys. It does not eliminate you from a possibility of being together.

19:15 In fact, it only makes it more likely. Now, my final point is this. I know we're getting long of the tooth here. It's about 20 minutes in, but stick with me. Sometimes with girls, there is a window of availability that can shut if you don't execute in time. The window of availability is when she puts herself out there, lets you know that she's attracted to you, and she wants more from you. If you do not execute within, let's say, for the sake of example, and of course, each situation is unique and different.

19:46 But let's say you have, I don't know, three weeks to a month. When you're friends with a girl, you guys are really getting along, and she starts showing you very obviously that she's attracted to you and she wants to move it to the next level, you have a window. If you don't execute within, let's say, four weeks at the very most, could be five days, could be three months, depends on the girl. But I'd say about a month is about your window at the most. If you don't execute, the window could close, and the possibility goes down exponentially.

20:18 You could probably get in there at a later date. You guys have all heard the stories of like, oh, we were friends, but he was with the girl, and then I was with the guy, and then five years later, we ended up hooking up. There's definitely those stories, but with women, they kind of have like a maturation cycle where first they're getting used to you, then they're getting attracted to you, then they decide they are attracted to you. And with women many times, it's like a realization they have, particularly, by the way, when they see you talking to other girls.

20:49 This is a huge trigger to make them realize they're attracted to you. Once they're attracted to you, they're going to start hinting at it. Their behavior is going to change a little bit. They're going to start asking you more personal questions, insinuating that you two should hang out. You need to be smart. Be a detective. Don't be a knuckle-dragging, thick-headed idiot the way many guys are and actually see the signs. At that time, be like, you know what? I actually want to hang out with you sometime.

21:18 Why don't you toss me your number? And look at the way I said that. I want to hang out with you sometime. I've decided, even though I have a bracelet on that says, what would I do if I were dating four girls and I am dating four girls? I decided you made the cut. Let's go hang out. Then on the hangout, you get a little flirty with her, and then the rest is obvious. You take it sexual with the four pillars of attraction, assuming that she's ready.

21:43 And in this example, she is ready. She's attracted to you. She's into it. Then you can start building sexual tension and take that into more than just a friendship. And if she asks you, which I've had asked to me many times, I thought we were just friends. Be like, yeah, well, friends get attracted to each other, don't they? And she'll be like, yeah, I guess. Bam. Problem solved. I'm attracted to you. You're attracted to me. Let's do this, right? As long as boys, as I always say, she's at 100%, you always keep it at 80%.

22:14 You don't want to be too thirsty, but at the same time, you obviously have to express interest in her so that she knows you do like her for more than just a friend. So boys, the campaign, the long play, always the best way to do it when you can. Always ask yourself, am I going to see this girl again? If so, how many times will I likely see her again? Whatever you deem that timeframe to be, see how you can work a campaign within it. Now, in the example of where it's like a coworker and you're going to see her for the next five years probably, you probably want to do a campaign to get her attracted to you.

22:51 I mean, dude, it could be days, it could be weeks, it could be months, but like the coworker example, I would probably take like two to three months to really build it up and you have to wait when the flower opens is when you execute. That's the thing about women. We as men, especially around sex, we just want to get it in. Well, it's the same thing with girls, but you cannot pull a girl into the outcome that you hope will manifest. You have to dump attraction, wait for her to open naturally like a flower, and then take her there during the window that she's available for you to do so.

23:26 So it takes some calibration, but do not skip out on the campaign. Don't be patient. Tell your red-helmeted warrior to stand down and to be patient, and when she's ready, then you can take her there. Campaign, boys, absolutely effective. So I strongly suggest you use it. All right, gentlemen, I want to thank you again for listening. I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays, so please stay tuned for the next one, and I will see you in the next episode. What is up, brother? Just wanted to thank you sincerely for watching this episode.

23:58 If you've gotten any value whatsoever out of my content, the single best way to help me is to like, comment, subscribe, leave me a review. You have no idea how much that helps me. Also, if you're struggling with women and you want to talk to me personally about how I can help you achieve your goals with women, sign up for my three-month coaching program below, and you and I will talk. Join us in the unapologetic army.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.