Player Vs. Relationship | How I Met Marissa And Why I Stay With Her

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, you champions? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you. And today we are going to talk about player versus relationship. Which one should you do? I can speak from personal experience here because not only was I a player for probably about two decades, but I have been in a serious relationship for several years.

0:33 I have a kid with her. Her name is Marissa. And I feel like I have a really good insight into what you should do as a man who wants to get the most happiness out of life. Because that's why we're doing this, right? The reason you guys are trying to get better with women is because there's a big part of you that believes it's going to bring you happiness if you're able to attract women on command. If you could just go up to that hot girl, get her attracted to you, then that's where happiness lies.

1:04 And I'm going to be honest with you, bro. I kind of agree with that. Through my experience of being hopeless with women, not even being able to look at a hot girl, I was so insecure, let alone go talk to her and get her attracted to me. To becoming, quote unquote, a player, having tons of experiences with a ton of beautiful women. And then finally picking my queen and settling down. I can tell you that as a man, being able to attract women on command is probably one of the most fulfilling things you'll ever learn.

1:32 So kudos to you for clicking into this. Good job for investing in yourself, taking time to learn this stuff in order to improve your skills. I super respect it. And I think you're doing the right thing. So I'm going to give you guys a little history about my experience of being a player and then a little history about my experience with Marissa. I'll actually go over the conversation that we had the first time we met. It's actually pretty funny. And why I've chosen to settle down with her because a lot of you guys are thinking, as I used to think, why would I settle down with 110 when I can have three?

2:02 That used to be my logic, right? Like, why would I settle down? I used to look at people with kids. I used to look at families and be like, bro, that looks fucking miserable, dude. Fucking crying kid. As you're carrying the car seat and all these groceries and you just look like you're tired and you got this like fat wife and it just fucking sucks. I'd always be like, dude, why the hell would I do that? But as I got older, I obviously chose to settle down.

2:23 I'm going to explain to you guys why that is. I'm also going to give a couple of tips about how to have a successful relationship. This isn't really focused on that, but I'm going to throw a few things out there. So my story is I was hopeless with women. I was cheated on when I was 21. Heard the girl having sex with another dude in her dorm room. I literally walked up to her dorm room. I knew her voice, heard her having sex, and I literally fell to the ground crying, drove my car home on the freeway at like 10 miles per hour.

2:54 People were like honking at me, spent two weeks in my bed in the cannonball position, crying like a school girl after this chick, not understanding what I did wrong. Well, what I did wrong is I put the pussy on a pedestal, as they always say. I was needy. I blew smoke up her ass. I did her favors. I treated her like a queen, and I had no frame. She just walked all over me. She was the leader. I gave her the masculine role. And this, boys, is why I'm so passionate about frame control, being masculine, leading women to where they want to be led, not only because failing to do so got me cheated on, but also because I've seen how successful it's been in the decades that I've been doing this.

3:34 So after that happened, I started researching what it is that I did wrong, and I ran into the PUA community. PUA is pickup artist community. And I started studying this shit, and I was like, oh, this is why she cheated on me. And it actually made sense to me. And I got to a point where I was like, yo, that was my fault. And I actually talked to her years later, and I was like, hey, you had every right to cheat on me. In fact, if I were in your shoes, I probably would have cheated on you too because I was a beta cuck.

4:01 You know, I put her on a pedestal. I blew smoke up her ass, fluffed her feathers, gave her the masculine frame. So I started studying this shit, became much better at it, started getting insane results with women. And then obviously the podcast, people started asking me for coaching. And now we're here today where I have a very successful PUA, which means pickup artist business. But I try to do it more from a place of being a good dude, being confident. I use NLP, linguistic programming to become the next best version of yourself that women are going to automatically become attracted to.

4:36 I try not to use too much manipulation. I try to treat women well. But I will admit, man, in those several decades of getting girls, there was also a part of me that didn't feel I was worthy of love. So I wanted to make girls fall in love with me. And I got very fucking good at it. I've broken many hearts. I've put a lot of women in really bad situations. And honestly, if I'm able to say it right here and put that energy out there, I'm truly genuinely sorry to all those women that I hurt.

5:03 I'm sorry. I was a fucking asshole. I was a douche canoe. And I'm truly sorry for what I did to you. I'm sure I'm going to pay for it in one way or another. But I was a player. And what is a player? It's a dude who goes out, gets girls attracted to them, has sex with them and leaves them. And I got so good at that, that I became addicted to it. What's an addiction? Something that you don't have the control to stop. I had to go out.

5:26 I had to get girls attracted to me because that moment when they become attracted to me, and you can see it almost like a light switch in some chicks, I was addicted to that. That moment where I could just see it in their eyes and they started getting super into me. And I'm like, oh, I got this chick. I was obsessed with that. And I kept doing it time and time and time again. Now, a lot of you guys are like, dude, that would be so fulfilling.

5:51 Now, I'm not going to lie to you. For me, it obviously was because I was addicted to it. Getting attention from women, having a line of chicks waiting to talk to you, having a girl throw you up against the wall and scream at you because you won't fuck her. It's pretty fucking gratifying. It fluffs your ego. It gives you a huge dose of dopamine, serotonin, whatever chemical you can think of. And I'm not going to lie. It's pretty freaking amazing. Not only is it really fulfilling, but it also gives you the skill set to attract a high quality woman when one comes around.

6:23 Now, for those two decades, roughly, I think it was more like probably 18 years. But for those two decades, I did get some girlfriends in there, really high quality girlfriends. And I did enjoy settling down for a little bit because as a lot of you guys know as well, sex with different girls all the time is pretty damn meaningless. And it doesn't feel very good after a while. That's why sex for me wasn't really the priority. It was trying to get a girl attracted to me who wasn't attracted to me to begin with.

6:49 Somebody who gave me the hard no from the beginning. Somebody who hated me. I wanted to get her attracted to me and I became very good at that. And I am, if I may toot my horn a little bit, go down Flex Avenue, good at teaching it to other guys because I did become an expert at it. But as I was having sex with more and more girls, I started wanting to find my queen. And I wanted a girl who had the same attitudes as me, who was a good person with a good soul, had a great personality.

7:18 Somebody who I could spend the rest of my life with. And even when she gets ugly, which make no mistake, boys, all women age, atrophy is unavoidable. Your chick's going to get miles on her and she is going to start looking unattractive physically. Even when that happened, I wanted somebody who I loved. And my parameter was, I want to love her soul. I want that person who just has that soul connection with me and not to get too spiritual. But I believe that does play a part.

7:41 However, had I not built the skill set of being a player for all those years, I would not have been able to attract the woman that I currently have. And her name is Marissa. Marissa and I have been together for several years. We have a kid together. Her name is Lucia. And Lucia is actually named after my mom. And my mom's from Holland. Her name is spelled really crazy. But our daughter's name is Lucia and named after her grandma. And I'm happier than I've ever been in my life.

8:09 Now, I'm going to be completely straight up with you because I'm always honest with you guys. Does the dopamine hit and the sense of validation, external validation of having a family meet what I've experienced in the nightclubs, bars and just being a player? No, I have had experiences where again, I've had lines of chicks waiting to speak to me, guys coming up to me and being like, bro, I just want to shake your hand because what you're able to do with girls, insane situations that I can't even believe really happened.

8:37 And dude, the dopamine that I got was pretty fucking amazing. It was like being addicted to meth or heroin. It was so intense that I used to drive home and just be like, bro, I can't fucking believe what happened. Like me and my friends would be like, dude, did you see that one thing? Or drive home with a car full of chicks. And I know I could probably have a three or foursome with at least a couple of them. It was fucking insane. And it was so addicting, so addicting.

9:03 That's why it took me so long to get out of it. But now that I have a woman, I have a daughter, I have a house, I'm going to be totally honest with you guys. It is the most fulfilling thing you will ever do in your life. And I strongly, strongly suggest it. You as a man are built to thrive on being in a tribe. That's where we come from, tribal communities. You are built to get rewarded by settling down with a woman. You are built to get rewarded by having a child.

9:31 I get so much fulfillment from hugging my daughter Lucia every day that surpasses the high that I got when I was a player. But it's a different kind of high. The player high, in my opinion, is more like a cotton candy high. It's that feeling of sugar rushing through your blood and you just feel good. Or for those of you who have taken drugs before, I personally haven't. I heard it's a lot like cocaine. You take the cocaine, you feel fucking great. You're just on cloud nine.

9:59 And it's that dopamine hit. Whereas having a family is more in the line of contentment kind of hit. Where I just look at my family and I feel so much love deep in my heart that the cotton candy high I got from being a player can't even compare. So what do I suggest for you guys? Do I suggest you just meet the first girl you can who happens to be attracted to you and settle down with her? You guys know what I'm going to say. Obviously not.

10:22 Because if you don't work on your game, if you don't work on your frame and you don't become that dude who you know you could become by working on the bullshit inside your head, then you're going to have to settle down with a canyon mule or a mountain troll or a Nebraska heifer and just be like, dude, what if? I don't want to live my life that way. And that's why I chose to go into pain willingly and come out the other side with the ability to attract women on command.

10:48 And for all you guys who are listening, but more importantly, those guys who have applied to my coaching program, I respect you so damn much. Every single application I get, I'm like, dude, this guy's my hero, bro. He wants to fucking improve himself. He wants to get to that next level. And I mean that with utmost sincerity because it takes balls to admit that you need help. It takes balls to move in this with a brave, valiant heart and tackle this frontally like a fucking man does.

11:14 And I respect every single one of you. Even if you're just listening to this podcast and you never apply, I respect you, bro, because you're trying to get to that next level. And that is what I suggest. Be a player, but understand that having a family is the most gratifying thing you will ever go through. And think about this too. What happens if you're a player your whole life and you grow old and you never have a family? You're going to be an old man without grandkids to come see you, without your children to come see you on the holidays, without any meaning whatsoever.

11:45 Your bloodline is going to die. Your last name is going to die. It is, in my opinion, hell on earth if you have a life like that. So again, my advice is to be a player. Go out there, see what you like. Have sex with lots of girls because I'll tell you, if you settle down too quickly, you're going to wonder, dude, what would it have been like if I was able to bang a bunch of chicks? I have a ton of friends who are in that situation.

12:07 They're like, Mark, I'm kind of jealous of you, bro. You got to bang all those hot girls. You got to have all these like super dope girlfriends. And I didn't. I just settled down with Amy, who I love and I'm happy I have a family and yeah, I'm fulfilled with it. But dude, I wish I went out there in my younger years and got some ass because that's really what I want. And I kind of regret it. And I kind of have a wandering eye, to be honest with you.

12:32 I'm like, I get it, bro. You know, I got lucky. I got obsessed with this shit, not in a healthy way because I didn't feel worthy of love. So I had to make girls fall in love with me, which was unhealthy. I've since fixed it with NLP. I don't need that shit anymore. But if you can do it in a healthy way where you understand, look, I'm developing a skill set. If she wants to have sex with me and I want to have sex with her and it's mutually beneficial, then I'm okay with that.

12:57 If there's no chance for her, I'm probably going to let her know up front. And you do it within your own moral compass. You develop the skill set so that when you see that girl, which make no mistake, gentlemen, you are going to see her at your most inopportune time. You have the game to be able to get her. And that's how I got Marissa. I literally saw her 11 PM at King Supers, which is a supermarket here in Colorado. And there she was looking banging as fuck, looking at peaches.

13:26 I walk into the supermarket, literally wearing pajama bottoms, slippers, and some ghetto ass shirt that probably had BO in it. My hair was all messed up. I had like three days worth of beard growth. And for me, I can only grow this like really creepy looking rape stash. So I walk in with the rape stash and there's a fucking tent standing there in the produce aisle looking at peaches. So I was like, dude, I got to go, dude. And that's what happens with me is anytime I see a hot girl, I'm like, I got to go up in her.

13:54 I don't care what I look like. It doesn't matter what state I'm in. And believe me, I was cold. I was just going to get fruit at 11 PM the way she was, God knows why. And there she is. And she was banging, dude. She was exactly my type. She had one of those bob cuts where it's kind of cut short on the side and she had bangs. And all I could see was her ass in her back because she wasn't facing me. And I see this chick and she had like leather pants on and this top on where you could see her whole spine.

14:18 And I was like, fuck, dude, that chick's hot. I wonder if her face is as hot as her body is. I hope she's not a butter face. Everything's good, but her face. And as I walk in, I'm like, yeah, I look like a homeless man, but I'm also dating four chicks right now. I'm talking to like eight others. I don't care what happens with this girl. She's banging, but what else does she have? So I walk over and here's my opening line, gentlemen. And you'll see just how unimportant the opening line is.

14:43 I said, hey, how are the peaches today? Last week, they weren't very ripe. That was it. Just something to open the door. And as I spoke to her, I didn't face her. I kind of stood next to her facing the same direction, pretending to look at peaches. And I say it in a way that's off the cuff. Like I'm talking to an old friend. Hey bro, how are the peaches today? Last week, they weren't very ripe. And my tonality went down at the end, not showing supplication, showed I really didn't care.

15:12 But at the same time, I had good energy. And I remember pumping my state up. As you're walking to the girl, you can tell yourself, fuck, it's about to happen, bro. That's going to give you adrenaline. And you can use that adrenaline to pump your state so that your energy field within your body feels good. You just want to feel better than she feels. So there she is, 11 p.m., looking banging as hell, looking like a runway model straight up. I'm walking in with pajamas on, looking like an unfrozen caveman who's also homeless.

15:43 And I'm going to go open this girl. Fuck what she thinks is what I thought. But I'm getting pumped up as I'm walking up. How are the peaches today? Last week, they weren't really ripe. And she's like, oh, they look okay. And I'm like, so do you always get dressed up like this to come peaches shopping at 11 p.m. at night? Now you guys will notice I asked her a why question, challenging her a little bit. A girl like that never gets challenged. Guys are always like, oh, you look so beautiful.

16:08 Where did you come from tonight? So instead I said, hey, do you always get dressed up like this to come peaches shopping? And this is the moment, boys, that I realized this chick had potential. She looks me up and down and she's like, do you always look like a homeless man when you come shopping for fruit? And I was like, yeah, that was a good comeback. And I was like, yeah, I do. I always do. In fact, I am homeless. I live outside the supermarket in a cardboard box.

16:29 You didn't see me begging for change? That's where I live. And I kind of had a smile on my face, letting her know that I'm just screwing around. I can't remember exactly what happened after that conversation, but I probably said, real talk. Why are you dressed up right now? Where'd you come from? And it turned out she was doing some promotional model gig. They just got out. She had to get some groceries before she went home at night. Then she asked me what I do. And this part I do remember, I said that I'm an ass model because that's what I always say.

16:56 And I said, no real talk. I'm actually an NLP coach, told a little story. Her and I started bantering, bam, yanked the phone number. And I do remember one thing I said at the end, which I used to say all the time during those days, which was, hey, listen, I promise to call you 500 times in a row until your cell phone overheats and burns a hole in your purse. Have a good day. And that was it. And then through texting game, I was able to get her on a date.

17:22 We hit it off so fucking well. It was literally one of the best dates I've ever had. She actually thought I was a player and she was reluctant to kiss me. But the thing that pushed her over the edge is I did kiss her, but then I pushed her away. I made out with her a little bit and I said, hey, I got to get going. It was a great night tonight. Have a good night. And then she realized, she says at that time that I wasn't just a player, but I was actually really boyfriend material, which is what we want girls to think.

17:45 And this is why I always suggest boys give them a little bit, but take it away. Also, as a quick side note, in that first conversation, I wasn't just busting her chops the whole time, making fun of her, being sarcastic. There were some real moments. I remember she told me that she was working in HubSpot or Salesforce at that time. And I was also an internet marketer and I was familiar with that software. So I was like, oh, do you use this version and that version?

18:11 And she's like, oh, you're into that too. And I was like, yeah, I run my own business. We use that CRM, blah, blah, blah. So there were some real moments, but generally speaking, 80% of it wants to be messing around, 20% of it real. And then it becomes more and more real the more you see her in subsequent dates. It's one of the rules that I teach in my coaching that in the beginning, you want to fuck around, bust her chops, make her laugh, tell stories, be funny, but also a little bit building rapport, which is commonalities, being real.

18:41 When you shake her hand, you do it very genuinely, showing your genuine self. And then as you continue to date her, that real genuine self, you ramp it up more and more and more until you're in a relationship and it's like 50-50. So after that first date, we had another date and then the rest is history. We did, however, date for several months before I dropped all my other chicks. And how did I drop those chicks? It was under my frame being like, listen, this chick is the shit.

19:08 I've never gone along with the girl the way I do this girl. This is the only girl. And I swear to God, boys, this is true. That's genuinely been able to make me laugh. Genuinely. Not the pity laugh when a girl says something that's clearly not funny and you laugh because you feel bad that she's so not funny. No, this chick was that funny. And I was like, dude, I'm going to lock her down. So I waited several months. She started asking, hey, what are we?

19:33 Could we be more than this? Blah, blah, blah. And then I said, yeah, let's go ahead and lock it down. Remember, as I always teach, you got to wait for them to bring it up. She is the barometer for your escalations. When she wants you to hold her hand, you hold her hand. When she wants to kiss you, you kiss her. When she wants to be your girlfriend, that's when you ask her to be your girlfriend, not before. So the reason we have a successful relationship is because we communicate.

19:56 We have true love in our relationship. And what does love do? It puts the other person as a top priority. We work on a relationship actively. And yes, boys, it does take work and we take pride in how good we are together. We want to be super successful, not only in our businesses, not only with our health, but also our relationships and relationships, boys, are going to be one of the most important things that you will ever have in this lifetime. Coincidentally, I happened to watch a video before recording this of a guy who was interviewing 80 year olds.

20:30 And he said, what piece of advice can you give us as somebody who's reached 80 years old? And all of them said, focus on relationships, have a family, have kids. And I want to relate that to you guys as well. I'm not getting the same dopamine hits that I used to get when I'd be out in the field, just yanking all kinds of girls. I still go out and talk to chicks and get them attracted to me. But honestly, it's not as fulfilling as it used to be.

20:51 But I get the biggest dopamine hit when I'm with my family. And I don't think it's dopamine. I think it's a different chemical, but it's that fulfillment, that contentment, that watching my daughter dance and her little leotard to some music from the movie Sing is literally like the best part of my week. You just don't understand it until you have a kid. But I suggest that to all you boys. So here's your battle plan. Keep doing what you're doing. Date girls, build the skill set. If you want to have a lot of sex, then have a lot of sex.

21:25 Just be a good dude. Be honest. And in that, you're going to develop a skill set so that you can meet your queen. Because as I said, I guarantee you the same thing is going to happen to you that happened to me. You're going to walk around the corner looking like a homeless man, and there's going to be a 10 right there. Your future wife or the girl who walks by who you end up thinking about for two weeks and who you missed out on because you were too cowardly to invest in yourself to get this part of your life fixed once and for all.

21:51 What you do right now, gentlemen, is what makes the difference. Because that girl's coming. My question for you is, are you training? Are you building the skill set? Are you building the ability to attract her on command? Or because of fear, procrastination, and foot dragging, which is all feminine behavior in a man, by the way, you're putting it off and saying, oh, I'll do that later. Now's the time, boys. Because I'll tell you, when you see that 10, you have to go get her. Otherwise, she will walk out of your life forever, and you'll always be thinking, what could have been?

22:21 What if I didn't open Marissa? What if I saw her there and was like, oh, dude, she's too hot for me. I'm just going to go the different direction. And then I'm creepily peering at her from the aisles, trying to think of something to say. And then I'm like, okay, I know what to say now. And I'm looking around. I'm like, oh, dude, where is she? She left, bro. She got her peaches. She dipped out. You'll never see her again. Fuck no, that's not happening to me.

22:44 I'm happy. I'm content. I have the family that I want to have because I had the balls to go into this frontally. And I want to suggest that you guys do the same thing. Sack the fuck up. As the 80-year-olds on that interview said, life's short, man. Before you know it, you too are going to be 80 years old. Are you going to have a happy family, a loving family, grandchildren, memories that you can be proud of? Or are you going to be on your deathbed alone with regrets?

23:10 That's what you need to ask yourself. Player versus relationship? Both. Do both. Get the skill set. Get your queen. Get your family. Get the happiness. That's the trick. Gentlemen, I hope you got something from this episode as well as all my other episodes. If you find value in my coaching, please do leave me a review. Email me at coachmarksing at gmail.com and I will send you a bunch of cool shit. Also, you may be wondering why I haven't been pushing my three-month coaching program. It's because after the frame control masterclass, we got so busy.

23:37 I honestly don't need to push it. But if you're serious, if you're not a tire kicker, a procrastinator, a foot dragger, and you really want to explore working with me, I'll talk to you, bro. You and I will talk together. We'll see if it's a good fit for you, but you have to apply first. And you can do that by clicking the link in the description below. No guarantees, but if you show commitment, if you show that you're really wanting to get this part of your life fixed once and for all, I will spend my time talking to you, seeing if I can help you because that's what I do.

24:07 And not to fluff my own feathers, but I'm very fucking good at it. I do appreciate you listening, gentlemen. I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays, so please stay tuned for the next one. And I will see you in the next episode. I'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.