How to Erase Toxic Shame | My Step by Step NLP Strategy

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, you champions? Happy Thursday. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you. And if you clicked on this one, I have a lot of respect for you, brother, because that shows me that you're actually willing to do the work to improve yourself. Because I guarantee you, the podcast I'm going to drop on Monday, which is about gambits to get girls attracted to you, is going to get more clicks than this episode does.

0:36 And that's kind of sad, in my opinion, because in order to get to that next best level of yourself, you have to go into stuff like this willingly. You have to tackle things like toxic shame. But a lot of people don't want to admit that they have that kind of shame, and they definitely don't want to do the work to improve themselves to overcome it. But I'll tell you, the fastest progression you'll ever make is by seeking out these kinds of issues and taking steps to remedy them.

1:06 That's going to give you the fastest growth. And if you are the kind of guy who's only interested in getting girls, well, the reason you're not getting the kind of girls you want is because you haven't worked enough on yourself. Women are like little radar systems. They can read right through you. So if you have things like toxic shame, lack of confidence, feeling like you're not enough, they're going to see that in your behavior, your mannerisms, and your tonality and not get attracted to you. This is why I work so intensely with my clients in my three-month coaching program on what's going on inside the head, because it's literally the most important thing.

1:39 Once you get that shit solved, your behavior, your mannerisms, your tonality changes, and women get attracted to you. So toxic shame is just as it sounds. It's toxic because it's negative, and it's usually centered around shame. But the protocol I'm going to give you today will not only address toxic shame, but it will also address belief systems that aren't working for you, the way you think about things that aren't working for you, and things that are basically bringing negativity into your life in the way of how you think.

2:08 So what we're going to do is a process here that I'm going to teach you, and we'll do a few steps to show you how it works. And then what you're going to do is your homework. Now, I bet probably about 5% of you guys will actually do this. And if you're part of that 5%, you are a fucking champion, because again, you're willing to do the work, you're willing to improve yourself. And if you do this work, I can guarantee you as your uncle Mark Singh, a dude who too has done this work on himself, your life will completely change.

2:42 So stop being a lazy asshole, get off your butt and actually do the work because this is where real change occurs. I'm going to make it as easy for you as possible, but I can't go over there and do the work for you, brother. I wish I could just jump into your body and do all the work for you as well as the rest of my clients. But this is reality. You have to do the work. All I can do is point you up the mountain.

3:03 Now, obviously NLP, which I do in my program is a little bit like a black hole shortcut because it takes a lot of the effort out of improving yourself. A shit ton of the effort, if I'm honest. But still, the guys who get the best success in my program are the dudes who do the work, face their fears, move into pain willingly, and then they're surprised and dazzled at how quickly their life changes, how things just seem to line up to help them. And this is part of that process.

3:31 So toxic shame refers to anything within yourself that, again, is not conducive to your success. Since the title said shame, we are going to focus as our example on something shameful. And that, for the vast majority of you guys, is sexuality, your horniness, the fact that you want to have sex with women. If you have that completely solved, keep listening because I'm going to tell you how to apply that in different areas of your life. But I can guarantee you the vast majority of you guys do not have that solved.

4:00 And it probably is an issue for most of you guys. So what we do is we actually think about our parents. We think about our siblings. We think about our cousins, teachers, coaches, anybody in our childhood. And this is specific to zero to 12 years old. From zero to seven years old, you are essentially in a mild state of hypnosis. Then from seven to 12 years old, you're still very impressionable. And this is usually when the majority of your belief systems occur. Some people who study this stuff even believe that you could have programs mapped into you when you're in the womb.

4:36 They say that we can hear certain things in the womb. We can feel energies in the womb. And these negative things that you're dealing with were almost guaranteed to have been given to you by your parents. So we're going to focus on them. But if you had someone influential in your life, maybe you were raised by your grandma, your grandpa, maybe there was an influential coach in your life. Think about just everybody who had influence over you when you were a kid, because they probably gave you some of their bullshit.

5:00 In fact, and I want you to listen closely, oftentimes we will take on the belief systems of those people who raised us simply to get into rapport with them. Why would we do that? Because when you're a child, your number one priority is safety. You don't care if you have to take on a negative belief system that matches, say, for example, your father's belief system. If you match your father's belief system, you're going to get into rapport with him and he has a higher chance of taking care of you.

5:32 And I know this happened with me. A lot of guys ask me, why are you so obsessed with attracting women, being good with women? Why do you want a hot wife? Why do you have all these things going on when it comes to women? And I'll admit to you guys, forthright, it was because my father and my grandfather. My grandfather was a womanizer. My father was a womanizer. So getting into rapport with them, I became a womanizer myself, not even knowing why I did it. In fact, to me, it was just because I was so horny, I'd fuck a snake if I could hold it straight.

6:01 But the truth of the matter is, those people who you grew up with have a massive influence over you. So we're going back to sexual shame as our example. Usually that came from your mother or your father. And we all understand why that is. Some religions, which consider sex before marriage shameful, are prevalent in the United States. Because they're prevalent in the United States, also England, Canada, Australia, anywhere else in the world, and wherever you're listening from, maybe your religion put shame around sex. It's because of religion that our parents inherited those belief systems, probably from their parents and from their parents all the way back to who knows when.

6:40 But this dysfunction was in their psyche. And because you wanted to get into rapport with them, you essentially wanted them to protect you. You bought into it and made it your own belief system. Here's the thing about belief systems that I say all the time. They're BS belief system. But they're also BS bullshit. They're just phantoms that you inherited likely from your parents. And now you continue to hit print on a printer printing out the same results. Are the results you're getting up to your standards?

7:11 Obviously not. So you need to go to work frontally to change those belief systems. And of course, that's what we do in our three month coaching program. But this exercise is also very powerful. So what you do is you take something shameful that you have. Either sex is wrong. You shouldn't approach people. Don't bother women. She'd be better with a different guy over me. I'm not enough for her. She's out of my league. I'm not interesting enough, smart enough, charismatic enough, successful enough. Look at all those belief systems, boys.

7:40 Those are all probably from your parents, if you really think about it. And if not your parents, I will allow you to extend out the possibility that they were from media, cartoons, TV shows. Think about all the exposure you had when you were growing up, all the messages you've been told in society as a whole. Most of us have been told that we're not good looking enough. We're not charismatic enough. We're not successful enough. We don't have enough money. So we begin to believe those belief systems.

8:09 Then what happens? You behave in that way and women don't get attracted to you. But we have to understand that most of the time it comes from our parents. So for the sake of example, because I'm not able to work with you one-on-one, unless of course you come into my coaching program, I'm going to generalize this, that this came from your mom. Sex is shameful. Don't have sex before marriage or you shouldn't masturbate, which is something my mom did to me. And she never said it, but I could feel it from her.

8:36 A couple comments here and there, a couple statements of disgrace and shame, which wasn't her fault. And that's a big part of this. Wasn't her fault because her dad or her mom taught her that or her grandpa and their grandparents taught them that and their parents taught them that. And who knows where it came from? Generations down the line, now you're inheriting it and you have to ask yourself, why the fuck am I doing this? But the way to get rid of this is actually to forgive the person who gave it to you.

9:04 So what I want you to do now is either take sex is shameful or any of the other myriad of examples I gave. And I want you to start thinking about which parent of mine or which sibling of mine, grandparent, uncle, aunt, teacher, coach, whoever it was, who gave this shit to me. And I really want you to examine that. Who was the person who gave this to me? Now, the next step, gentlemen, is to understand that that person was defenseless against this belief system, just as you were defenseless about that belief system.

9:36 So here's what happened. Let's say it's your mom who gave you the belief system, sex is shameful. What happened is her mom, for example, gave it to her before she could defend herself. Then you just being a little fella who wants to be protected and loved by his mom took it on to completely unknowingly. So we understand that there's no evil culprit here who has some malicious agenda to fuck you over. Even though it seems that way, it isn't that way. And I'm going to go out on a limb and I'm even going to tell you this.

10:10 If you were verbally abused, I can almost guarantee you that parent or sibling or whoever was verbally abused. If you were physically abused, I can almost guarantee you that that parent, sibling, relative, whoever was physically abused. And yes, boys, I see it all the time in my coaching program. If you were sexually abused, I can almost guarantee that person too was sexually abused. Was it their fault that they were sexually abused? No. And this is where we stretch your ability to be compassionate. But as all the wise masters have said, including Buddha, Jesus, Lao Tzu, and I'm sure a myriad of others, don't judge them.

10:49 They know not what they do. Now, I'm not saying that they're justified to have physically, verbally, or God forbid, sexually abused you, but they were just acting out the dysfunction because it happened to them. So with that extreme example being pushed to the side, let's hold that off a little bit. And frankly, if you've been sexually abused or even verbally abused, physically abused, you really should work with the professional to get through that because you're not going to get the solution in just one simple podcast.

11:15 Although I will say this, if you're at the level of consciousness and compassion where you can apply what I'm about to teach you to that situation, it will remedy it in a very significant way for you. But let's take a slightly easier example for the masses. Sex is shameful. My mom believed that. Hmm, where did my mom get it from? She probably got it from her mom. Her mom grew up in the early 1900s in Amsterdam, Holland, where there was a lot of religion, probably put it onto my mom, and now she put it onto me.

11:43 Why am I buying into that shit? Oh, Okay, I remember now. It's because I wanted to be in rapport with her. So the first step here, gentlemen, is to forgive. Forgiving yourself, yes, which we're going to get into in a second. But most importantly, forgiving the parent who gave it to you. Because as I just said, they know not what they do. They were acting unconsciously. And people always behave in the way that they think is going to benefit them the most. So when your mom, for example, puts shame on you for sexuality, that's because she legit thought that sexuality was bad.

12:21 Now, here's where frame control comes in. You have to ask yourself, do I agree with my mom's assessment of sexuality or masturbation or whatever it is? I don't know about the rest of you, and you have to come to your own conclusion. But I concluded, no, I totally don't agree with it. I think sex is great. I think it's beautiful. I think it feels fucking good. I think it's an awesome way to make more of us. And I think if it was morally wrong, God, if you will, wouldn't have made it into the way that we want to make more of us, wouldn't have made masturbation so common that every single person does it.

12:51 So you know what? I'm not going to agree with that. And because I'm not going to agree with that, that gives you freedom, gives you freedom to forgive the person who gave it to you. So the first step is to identify what the belief system is. The second step is to identify who probably gave it to you. Third step is to forgive that person. How do you forgive that person? First, you have to imagine them as a child. This makes forgiving your mom or your dad or whoever hell of a lot easier.

13:20 So I'm imagining my mom as a child and her mom telling her something like, oh, gross, those prostitutes in downtown Amsterdam are so disgusting. Sex is gross. That's kind of an extreme example, but possibly that happened. My mom wanting to be in rapport with her mom took on the belief system. Now my mom's going through her life. She has a son. She has a belief system that sex is kind of shameful. Masturbation is gross. So she inadvertently puts it onto me and me wanting to be in rapport with her takes it on unconsciously.

13:55 So what we first have to do is forgive your mom, your grandpa, your dad, whoever it was. They know not what they do. People always behave in the way that they think is going to get them the most success and keep them the safest. That belief that they have, whatever it is, they felt it would keep them the safest. That's why they believed it. They put it onto you either unconsciously or consciously, either with violent words or with subtle innuendo, which was the case with me.

14:16 And now I have that belief system. So the first step is to forgive my mom, understand why that happened. The next step is to forgive yourself. And we're going to use a very powerful method called ho'opono ono, which I think it's called. It's a Hawaiian prayer that is insanely powerful to forgive yourself and remove these kinds of insidious, toxic belief systems or trauma or shame. So what you do is you say to yourself, after you've forgiven your parent, you say to yourself, I'm sorry, please forgive me.

14:50 Thank you. I love you. So for each single thing, whether it's I'm not enough, I shouldn't approach people because approaching people is wrong. Don't rock the boat. Don't be disagreeable. That other guy would be better for her than I would. I'm not confident enough. I'm not good at speaking. Those are all just BS belief systems. So what you do is you find the parent mentor or whoever that gave that to you. You understand why they got that and how it's in their psyche too, because they were trying to get rapport with somebody.

15:24 Then you forgive them. After you forgive them, you forgive yourself with those four statements. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. One more time. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. My dad died when I was 10 years old because of diabetes. He had diabetes and he would take insulin shots. Well, unbeknownst to me at the time, I was just a kid. He was definitely afraid of doctors. So he wasn't getting his insulin changed. So one day he got sick and he thought it was the flu.

15:55 Next day he was dead. He died of insulin shock or something like that. His insulin was off, made him sick, and then he fucking died. What do you think happened to me? Damn right. I took on the same fears that he had of medical stuff, of doctors, of hospitals, of any doctor's office. Dude, that shit gives me the EBGBs. I fucking hate going to the doctor's office. So I have since done this. I recognize my dad probably got it from his dad or wherever it came from.

16:20 He was acting on a belief system that doctors kill more people than anything else, right? It's probably what he believed. So every time he went in there, he was terrified. Me being a little kid wanting to get into rapport with him, I took on that belief system. Now I have a phobia of doctors, but I've since worked on it with the method I just taught you, as well as other NLP protocols that, of course, I include in my three months coaching program. And my fear of doctors is nearly gone.

16:46 This is embarrassing as fuck, but I'm always honest with you guys. I had to go get my prostate checked and I was like, yo, I don't want some other dude's finger in my butt. Okay. I don't roll like that. And I was freaked out, but I just manned the fuck up and did it. And I never would have been able to do that before I use tools like this, as well as others of my NLP protocols. That's how powerful this shit is. So let's completely review.

17:12 You take any belief system, any kind of shame that you have. You find the parent or sibling or relative that it came from. And if you're not completely sure, just follow your intuition. Say, yeah, it probably came from them. You imagine them as a child, innocent, getting that belief system from somebody else. Then what you do is you forgive that child. You say, hey, mom, little girl, you don't know what's happening. I forgive you. You didn't know. They know not what they do. She didn't know any better.

17:40 Then she grew up, had kids, didn't know what to teach the kids. So she just put it onto you. Once you had it, you keep hitting print on a printer that keeps spitting out the same results. And now you're getting bad results, but you have the total picture. You have the understanding that it's just her bullshit belief system. Why are you taking it on? So first you forgive her. Then you forgive yourself with the whole opono ono technique, which is, I'm sorry, please forgive me. Thank you.

18:07 I love you. And that can be in any order. You can say, I love you. Please forgive me. Thank you. I'm sorry. It doesn't matter, but you say it to yourself. Forgive yourself, brother, for these stupid belief systems that aren't empirically true, that have been holding you back from success, not only success with women, but also money, happiness, whatever it is that you haven't been able to get. It's because you have a bevy of negative belief systems that are spitting out the same results given to you by somebody who too got their belief systems before they could defend themselves.

18:36 So forgive that person. But most importantly, forgive and love yourself. Now, when it comes to those violent things, it is Christ level consciousness, Buddha level consciousness to be able to forgive somebody who did that to you. And I'm not expecting you to do that because I know there's a lot of dudes listening who have been through fucking hell. And I have compassion for you, brother. I can't imagine what that would be like to have been sexually assaulted or even verbally assaulted. Fortunately, I didn't go through that.

19:07 What I got a lot of was shame, shame around my sexuality, shame around not being good enough, which I got from my dad. We all have been through a bunch of bullshit, but it's your job to forgive that person. Why did my dad kind of make me feel like I wasn't good enough? Because his dad made him feel that way. And I know it for a fact. His dad was kind of an asshole. Why was his dad an asshole? Probably because his dad was an asshole.

19:27 Where'd he get it from? Hmm, maybe his dad. And who knows where it started? All these dysfunctions are just passed down to you. You're in a mild state of hypnosis and you're given it before you can defend yourself. So forgive yourself, brother. And for God's sakes, forgive the person who gave it to you because they know not what they do. This is a very powerful technique to remove toxic shame. So now your homework begins. Pick out those things like I'm not enough. She's too good for me.

19:54 I don't know what to say and go at it with this protocol. I don't know what to say. That's totally from a parent who too felt they weren't charismatic. They weren't good in front of a crowd or even your brother, your sibling, or a TV show you watched that you just happened to really relate to where one of the characters who you felt rapport with was a little bit socially inept. So now you become the dude who's socially inept. Or you said something socially inept in second grade and somebody said, dude, you're socially inept.

20:21 And you're like, oh, I am? Okay. I guess I'm socially inept. And then you keep hitting print on that printer. Let me tell you something about being socially inept because I hear this all the time. We're going to wrap up with this. Every single client who comes in my program feels some level of social ineption, if that's even a word. But here's the thing. Every single one of those guys, and I've tested this, can be charismatic when they're with their friends, when they're not afraid of anything, when they're with themselves, bantering, writing letters, whatever it is.

20:51 Every single person is witty, funny. They have value to give with the right people. So does that mean they're socially inept? No. It means that they think other people are better than them and they become socially inept in front of those people because that's what they believe. They believe when I'm with others of higher value, I'm socially inept. Is that empirically true? No. It's total bullshit given to you probably by your mom and your dad. So what do we do? Imagine them as a child getting that same belief system.

21:18 Forgive them. Then you forgive yourself. That's the first step to move past these belief systems. And I'll tell you, boys, this is cleansing. It's clarifying. And it feels damn good when you realize all belief systems are just BS. That stands for belief systems as well as bullshit. And once you recognize that, you now have the power to overcome it. So I hope this little strategy has helped you guys. Honestly, in a 20-minute podcast, I can only do so much, especially when I'm speaking to people generally.

21:49 Just imagine what I could do for you in my three-month coaching program where I make an NLP protocol specific to you. Your exact meta programs, belief systems, archetypes, traumas, and all the negative bullshit that you're carrying around like a sack of potatoes. What do you do when you carry around a heavy sack of potatoes? You drop it. How do you drop it? By going into it frontally and examining, why am I carrying this? Why don't I just drop it? My life would be hell of a lot easier.

22:17 Wouldn't you agree? If you're interested, click the link in the description below. You and I will talk. We are very busy right now. We do have a waiting list. But if you're serious, I want to meet you and I will spend my time talking to you if indeed you want to get this part of your life fixed once and for all. For the rest of you gentlemen, I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays. Don't forget, I have an awesome one that's going to teach three epic gambits that get girls super attracted to you on Monday.

22:42 So come back for that one and I will see you in the next episode. I'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.