Why Playing Games Is the Key to Protecting Yourself in Dating

0:00 How many of you guys have had your heart ripped out of your chest, thrown on the ground, stomped on, pissed on, and to this day, you're still lamenting over the effects? I don't know about you, man, but I've had my heart fucking broken so many times by chicks. Why is it when we put our hearts on our sleeves, when we're vulnerable, when we're open, we get blown out? This is a biological, unconscious reaction that women have to a guy who doesn't have options. When you telegraph to the girl that she's your only option, she's going to lose attraction for you.

0:33 You have to pretend that you're not as into her as you really are into her. You have to pretend that you want less than she does. That right there is playing games, unless there's one thing in place that you guys need to stay tuned for, because this is the one caveat, and it's really important. The Unapologetic Man Podcast. What is up, you legends? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the Uniform Mike Papa, the Unapologetic Man Podcast. Today, we are going to talk about why you, brother, need to play games.

1:05 That's right. I said it, and right now, there's so many people getting butthurt ready to send me that hate mail. But before you do that, take a step back, calm down, unpeel yourself, and relax, bro. Let me explain what I'm talking about, because you know it, I know it, hell, even you know it, that we have to play games. How many of you guys have had your heart ripped out of your chest, thrown on the ground, stomped on, pissed on, and then sprayed with biohazard diarrhea, and to this day, you're still lamenting over the effects?

1:38 I don't know about you, man, but I've had my heart fucking broken so many times by chicks. Namely, my first girlfriend, who, because I was so damn low value, cheated on me with a guy. I literally walked up to her dorm room, heard her having sex with a different dude, and I fucking fell to the ground, cried like a schoolgirl on the corner of my bed for two weeks. And this is actually when I realized, like, what the fuck did I do wrong? Treated this girl like gold.

2:05 I was vulnerable. I was honest. I put my heart on my sleeve, and she stomped on it, put it into her vagina, then launched it like a ping pong ball out into the Pacific Ocean, and now I still haven't found it. And a lot of you right now, especially women listening, they get extra pissed off. They're like, well, that's why he's a dating coach, and that's why he's a piece of shit, because he got his heart broken, and now he's teaching other guys to be completely apathetic assholes who are selfish and narcissistic, and to not give themselves over to women.

2:37 See, that's the way it looks on the surface, and I'll admit to you that in the beginning that was true. This is why I got into this niche. This is why I wanted to understand what I did wrong. Treated her like gold, got blown out. What the fuck happened? And a lot of you guys had the same situation happen to you. Why is it when we put our hearts on our sleeves, when we're vulnerable, when we're open, when we don't play games, we get blown out?

3:00 And how can we, as good people, as guys who live their life from a moral perspective, how can we date girls and still protect ourselves in the process without getting our hearts broken again? And that's what we're going to talk about today. So before you send me a hate mail, before you leave a bad comment on this podcast, listen to what I have to say, because I've had two decades of experience. I've heard every story under the sun. I have literally had thousands of clients. I've heard guys getting cheated on.

3:28 I've heard guys getting divorced. I've heard guys who have treated women really well and been completely blown out, let themselves go, let themselves be vulnerable, let themselves fall in love, only to get their heart broken. So can we do this game while protecting our hearts and at the same time not being a complete douchebag, not being the dude who is like I was, where when I first got my heart broken, I was a complete asshole to women, but instead be the dude who I feel I am today, where I go into dating very cautiously.

4:00 I do play games and I'm going to talk about that, but I will be vulnerable when the time is right. And this is what I want to teach you guys to do, because this is very important. By the way, the last 10 seconds of this podcast was literally the hardest sentence I've ever recorded in my fucking life. I am very proud what I just accomplished. I can retire now because I actually pulled off that sentence. God, that was difficult. But you would think with almost 700 episodes now, I can get through sentences like that.

4:26 But alas, I have to record them many different times. And Liam, my epic podcast editor, always makes me sound amazing. He makes it sound like I rifle this thing off just completely straight, but I don't. I make mistakes. And that's why when you watch on video, you'll see sometimes some cuts because I'll have to like restart. In fact, Liam, leave the next mistake that I make in so they can hear how we do it. There it is right there. Maybe some guys are mildly curious. You see how I did that?

4:54 I'll say something and then like I'll stop and then I'll pretend I just said it and then I'll speak again. That's how it works. All right, boys, let's get into the content. So first and foremost, we've all had our hearts broken. We know this is a fucking game. The reality of the situation is, boys, you are playing with fire and so is she. Dating ain't for pussies. And this is why a lot of people give up. They just throw in the towel and they just order prostitutes for the rest of their life or they try to pay for the girl that works on the pole to get her to be their girlfriend and it never works out for them.

5:28 So we have to understand you're playing with fire. You can get hurt. And this is why we play games. When I say play games, really what I'm talking about is you have to game yourself more than you're actually gaming the woman. And first and foremost, what we need to understand is that the less we care, the better it's going to work out for us, at least in the beginning. This is why I say from quantity comes quality. I want you dating as many girls as possible, talking to as many girls as possible, having options.

5:59 This is a shotgun approach. From quantity, the example of a shotgun firing buckshot all over the target, comes quality. You'll find the right girl when you don't telegraph that you need her. And this comes down to our hero, Needy Ned, who we've been talking about in recent episodes. The guy who chases, the guy who's needy, and perhaps you've been that guy too, where when you telegraph to the girl that she's your only option, and it's really important to you that things go well with her, she's going to lose attraction for you.

6:32 This is a biological, unconscious reaction that women have to a guy who doesn't have options. Let me ask you this. If you had a ton of options, would you really care what happened with girl number six if you're talking with 10 different girls? Of course you wouldn't. And this telegraphs that you do have options, that you're not needy, and women are naturally attracted to that. What is telegraphed in the fact that you don't care what happens with girl number six? What's telegraphed is you want her, but you don't need her.

7:05 You don't care what happens. You are, in fact, completely comfortable and completely okay with dropping her at a moment's hesitation. You are okay with walking around the corner and seeing her kissing another dude. I know it sounds gnarly, guys. I know it sounds militant. But in this game, and again, don't hate the messenger, hate the game if you hate the game. But in this game, the less you care, the more it works out for you in the beginning. So do we have to sometimes play games to pretend that we don't care?

7:35 Of course we do, boys. I'm going to admit something to you that I'm not proud of. I'm actually a very jealous person. I fucking hate it when I'm dating a girl and I see her talking to a different dude in the nightclub. I hate it. But do I show her that I hate it? Of course not. Because through the majority of my experience, I've found that when you show jealousy to a woman, when you show her that you really care about what's going to happen with her, she loses attraction for you.

8:02 Unless, and I'm going to get to this in a minute, unless there's one thing in place that you guys need to stay tuned for, because this is the one caveat, and it's really important. But in the very beginning, I'm talking days, weeks, maybe a couple months, you got to be willing to drop her. You got to not give a fuck. If she's talking to another dude in the nightclub, you guys have been on a couple dates, maybe you've even had sex, you got to not give a fuck.

8:27 Now, do you give a fuck? Of course you do. Man, I have been in situations where I've been so unbelievably jealous. I've been so uncomfortable that I couldn't even control myself. I had to walk away, think about other things, text the 10 different girls I'm talking to. Even though I am dating 10 girls at a time, if that one girl who I particularly like is flirting with other dudes, or I see her interacting with guys on social media, or I see guys following her and simping out for these pictures that she's posting, of course it makes me uncomfortable.

9:01 But I play the game of not fucking caring. You have to pretend that you don't give a shit. You have to pretend that you're willing to drop her. You have to pretend that you want less than she does. And this goes into, that's right, you guessed it, my 8100 rule. I talk about this endlessly on the podcast because it's important that you guys manage your emotions. You only give her 80% of what she wants from you. And that right there is holding yourself back. That right there is playing games.

9:29 Because sometimes we want more than she does. She only wants to hang out with you twice a week. You really want to see her four times a week. The sex is amazing. She's beautiful. Feels so good to be in the cuddle puddle or the cuddle shuttle. When you're nestled into her neck, dude, and you're smelling on her and kissing on her. I get it, boys. We all get emotional. But if you let yourself go, convincing yourself that, oh, she's not that way. I can be vulnerable with her and tell her all my feelings and how much I like her.

9:58 Before she tells me how much she likes me, you're going to get blown out. And this is the point that I alluded to earlier. She is the barometer for your escalations. Meaning you only escalate when you know with 100% certainty that she's already there. Meaning if you're in the cuddle puddle and you're nestled with her and you want to say how good it feels, you have to know that she feels the same way first. Because if you say it before she says it or you do it, such as like kissing on her neck and blowing in her ear like a fucking sea donkey, before she does it or before she's ready for you to do it, it's going to make her lose attraction.

10:39 I had a client tell me once, he's like, dude, I was having sex with this girl. We hadn't seen each other in a couple months and like we were really close. And I started crying and I was like, oh no, dude, did you really? He's like, yeah, bro. I started crying, telling her how important she was to me because it was an emotional moment. We were super connected. We were having sex. We were doing it missionary style or as Marissa and I jokingly call it, military style.

11:04 Just a joke we have. We were staring at each other's eyes. It was super passionate. And I started tearing up a little bit, bro. And I told her how much she meant to me. She blew me out the next day. And this is a quintessential example of if she's not there with you emotionally and you go beyond where she is, she's going to lose attraction for you. This is why we have to play games. We have to hold ourselves back. And this proves what I was talking about earlier.

11:32 You may want more from her, but if you telegraph that, you're going to get rejected. So you have to play games, pretend you don't want as much as she does. I remember I was dating this super hot Japanese girl in Hawaii and I used to ride a motorcycle in Hawaii. It was so fucking sick. It was a dual sport, a Suzuki DMR 400, I think it was. Maybe I'm wrong, but it was a dual sport and I used to rip that thing around. It was so sick.

11:57 So I remember I really liked this girl and I knew about the game, right? That you have to play games, mostly gaming yourself. Well, I really wanted to see her and I was driving by her house. I knew that she was home studying, but she didn't invite me to come over. So I pull up across the street from her house. I stopped my motorcycle and I'm like, dude, I just want to get that girl right now, man. I still want to see her. I want to have sex with her.

12:21 I want to get in the cuddle shuttle. And really, I could have done it. She probably would have been fine with it. But I knew that because she really wasn't pursuing me at that moment, as much as I wanted to pursue her, had I pursued her too much, more than what she wanted, she would have lost some attraction for me. Would it have gotten me completely blown out? Probably not. Like she was pretty sprung, but it would have put that little scratch into the relationship. That little crack that gets bigger and bigger and bigger, the more needy, pursuing, and the more fucking vulnerable you are before she's ready.

12:56 And I need to enunciate that before she's ready to do it, before she wants to do it. She has to do it first. She's the barometer. So I'm on my motorcycle and I'm looking across the street and I can see the light on in her room. And I'm like, God, dude, I just want to hit it so bad, right? At that time, I was so horny. I'd fuck a snake if I could hold it straight, but I convinced myself to drive off. I was like, motherfucker, don't you do it.

13:20 You know what happens when you do this? Because I'd been blown out so many times before by being needy, by pursuing too much, and by my first love who had sex with a different dude in her dorm room because I was needy Ned. I was doting upon her, pursuing her. I was way too into her, more into her than she was into me. So I get on my motorcycle and I keep fucking going. What happened in that relationship? She fell deeply in love. Eventually, I moved back to California, so I broke it off with her.

13:50 But this is why you have to play games. Yes, you have to hold yourself from texting her when you want to text her. Yes, you have to only see her 80% of what she wants to see you. Yes, you never, ever, under any circumstance, ask a girl to be your girlfriend until she fucking brings it up. Do not ask her to be your girlfriend. Do not express how much you're into her. Do not show her all your vulnerabilities until she's ready to go there. So can you be vulnerable?

14:19 Can there be a place where you don't play games anymore? Of course. But in the very beginning, boys, you have to play these games. You have to hold yourself back. You have to pretend that you're not as into her as you really are into her. Because if you do show her your vulnerabilities too soon, admit to her how much you like her, tell her that she fills this hole in your heart because you haven't worked on yourself enough and you're still chasing after the love that perhaps your parents didn't give you, she's going to blow you the fuck out.

14:51 And 95% of guys listening right now are nodding their heads fervently because they know I'm right. So do you play games and dating? Fuck yes, you do. You Photoshop your pictures. You say perhaps you're a little taller than you are. You pretend you're not as available as you are. You don't text her as much as you want to. You don't let her see you as much as she wants to see you. You always leave her wanting more and you control your fucking heart. You step to the plate.

15:17 You look that picture in the eye and you say, go ahead, bro. Throw your 103 mile per hour fastball. I'm going to be a fucking baller and swing for the fences. And that's what you do with dating, boys. You are not to be fucked with. You are the selector. You have options. You are the prize. You always ask yourself, what would I do if I were dating four girls? The bracelet that I always talk about that I should probably have made. What would I do if I were dating four girls?

15:44 You never admit your feelings to her until she starts getting sprung on you. When you're feeling jealous, possessive, when she's doing some shit that is really annoying you, you have to literally pretend you don't give a fuck. Now, of course, this warrants another podcast episode. When do you say certain things to girls who are like stepping on your boundaries or going too far? Or like you have a girl who's a super club girl and then she wants to start working on the pole and you're like, I don't really want her on the pole.

16:12 Should I tell her I don't want her on the pole or do I just not give a fuck? I should do a podcast about that. But ultimately speaking, the less you care, the better it works out for you. Now, eventually, and this goes into how to be vulnerable, how to build trust and connection. You will get there, but it's always on her terms. When is she ready to go there? When is she ready to be vulnerable? When she is, how much do you give her of your vulnerability?

16:38 That's right. You're a smart motherfucker. 80%. If you give her 80% of what she wants from you, you'll always be safe. And does that include playing games? Of course it does. You know, you want to give her 125%, 200%. You know, you're masturbating to pictures of her off her Instagram, thinking about her, pieing after her, laying in bed at night, wondering if she's on a date with a different dude. I've been there, brother. I know what it's like, but you have to pretend you don't give a shit. And what's the best way to keep yourself from getting jealous with a single girl?

17:11 To date 10 other girls, to be talking to as many girls as possible. And yeah, playing games with all of them, showing them that you have lots of options. You don't give a shit. You have tons of girls on your tip. You have pre-selection. Even if, yeah, you have to fake it until you make it. This is going to get girls sprung on you because guys, as I said in the beginning of this episode, we are playing with fire here. Do you want to be in the situation where you're just throwing your heart out there for girls to fucking stomp on and spray biohazard diarrhea all over?

17:41 Of course not. Of course not. And any women listening, I suggest the same thing to you. To all my girlfriends, I tell them the same thing. Protect yourself. Don't let yourself go too soon. And I'll tell you what, boys, it's easier for us to hold ourselves back than it is for women. Unfortunately, I love women. You guys know, I believe it's the sacred feminine, but they fall pretty quickly, especially when you are kind of holding yourself back. You don't need her. You want her, but you definitely don't need her.

18:13 When you have that vibe, they fall pretty quickly. Then you can let yourself go. You could get in the cuddle shuttle, bro, and fucking nestle into her pocket, into her G-spot, and be like, oh, you're so soft and cuddly, but don't get it twisted. Don't make the mistakes so many guys make, which is convincing yourself she's different. I can be vulnerable and cry in her lap and hope that my tears will be used as lubricants for sex. Doesn't work that way, boys. Believe me. I have been blown out by plenty of girls, and so I have my clients to definitively attest that that shit does not work.

18:49 So yeah, play games. But eventually, once she loosens up, once she starts falling in love, she starts talking about wanting to be with you, you can talk about the same shit. You can say you're into a girl, but only after she's definitively into you or she even says it, you can fall in love with the girl. That's fine. And you can even tell her you're in love with her, but only after you know that she's in love with you. How many of you fucking morons out there have said to a woman, I love you?

19:16 And she's like, thanks. You're great too. And you're like, oh my hell, dude. I just admitted I love this chick and she's not in love with me. I'm fucked. And what happened? You got blown out so hard when the concussion hit. It blew the mustache off your best friend's face. And there you are crying in his lap because you fucked up. Do not ever do that again. Don't ask her to be your girlfriend. Don't tell her you're in love with her. Don't show any vulnerability whatsoever until she's ready to go there.

19:47 Can you do it though? Yes, of course. Do the game stop eventually? Yes, of course. Once you're in a situation like I'm in with my woman, Marissa, now we're a team. Now we understand the games have stopped because we're both fully committed to each other. But in the beginning, you're playing with fire. You don't know each other yet. There's weird emotions going on. She's probably dating other dudes or talking to other dudes. So protect your heart, man. Heart armor comes by playing games. And playing games, once again, is gaming yourself more than actually gaming her.

20:20 So boys, I hope this philosophy has helped you. I don't give a literal fuck if you disagree with me. So please do not waste your breath and do not waste my time emailing me or putting bad comments on my content because of what I said. If you don't agree with it, fine. Kick rocks with your head down. Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you. Get lost, you fucking sea donkey. Because you agreeing with me matters to me in no way whatsoever.

20:45 This is what works. This is from decades and tens of thousands of different experiences from both me, my coaches, as well as my clients. This is how it works. Play games. It will serve you right. All right, gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. I draw a podcast on Mondays and Thursdays. So please stay tuned for the next one. And I will see you in the next episode. What is up, brother? Just wanted to thank you sincerely for watching this episode. If you've gotten any value whatsoever out of my content, the single best way to help me is to like, comment, subscribe, leave me a review.

21:20 You have no idea how much that helps me. Also, if you're struggling with women and you want to talk to me personally about how I can help you achieve your goals with women, sign up for my three-month coaching program below and you and I will talk. Join us in the unapologetic army.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.