Why Do Men Have Fear of Rejection ... Approach Anxiety ... And Can't Talk to Women?

0:00 Hey, brothers, my courageous fighting brothers, face affairs and follow me, we are the sons of the UMP. Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, you champions? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you. And today, we are going to talk about why people have such bad approach anxiety, fear of rejection. Every excuse in the world is used not to approach women.

0:47 And you guys have all been there. You see a smoke show and you're like, ah, she wouldn't want to talk to me. I don't know what to say is a huge excuse that I hear all the time from guys. And we always talk ourselves out of it. Have you ever wondered why that is? Why is it that most guys have more fear of rejection than they do public speaking, than they do running into gunfire, which I'm going to talk about in a second. And some guys are even more afraid of rejection than death itself.

1:15 They've actually done studies on this, and this is a gigantic fear. So if we understand why that fear exists, we can take measures to overcome it. So I'm going to both explain to you why it is that you have such fear of rejection, how we can reframe it in a lot of different ways, and how you can get over that fear of rejection systematically, step by step, little by little. I'm going to teach you exactly how to do that in today's episode. So make sure to stay tuned until the very end, because I have tons of good content to drop on you today.

1:46 Gentlemen, I just got an email from an old client of mine. He just hit his one-year mark since he graduated the program. This testimonial brought a tear to my non-shooting eye, because this was such a genuine, beautifully written testimonial that I'm going to read for you really quickly, and then we're going to jump straight into the content. So this is from my boy, Jay. I think he wants to remain anonymous, so I'm not going to say his full name. He says, Hey, brother, I'm approaching my one-year mark since I started your program, and my life is completely unrecognizable compared to where I started last June.

2:19 My life has been on a steady upward trajectory ever since I graduated. I'm making more money than ever before. I can hold conversations with anyone, from a homeless guy on the street to super hot women. I'm in the beginning stages of building my own business, and I'm respected in any room I walk into. It's crazy to think about the level of self-confidence you helped me unlock. The NLP you implemented in your program has completely rid me of my BS that was holding me back from my true potential.

2:50 You have always been a wealth of knowledge, both in your program and in the Unapologetic Man podcast. I truly feel like you started me on my journey to self-actualization and living every day as an alpha, unapologetic MF. I have no doubts your program is thriving, and you're helping thousands of other dudes become the best version of themselves. You have taught me that through dedication and hard work, anything is possible. I know that I'm ultimately the mechanism for my own success. However, you gave me a gigantic running start.

3:21 Just wanted to express my gratitude for all that you do and the impact you've had on my life. You're a fucking champion, brother. I will always spread the word about your program because you're doing so much good in this world. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Jay, I really appreciate that, man. That shit gave me shivers when I read it this morning. I cannot thank you enough for trusting in me. And gentlemen, if you want to come into this coaching program, what do you think the biggest excuse I hear day in and day out about why guys can't join?

3:50 Do you think they admit that they're afraid? Not usually. Do you think they tell me that they have too much pride to admit that perhaps they need help in this area of their life? Not usually. Here's the biggest excuse. Money. I don't have the money. I can't finance it. You can finance it. I have a financing program where I'm going to finance it for you, and you could pay it back for as little as $150 per month. In my opinion, everybody, from a busboy to a doctor and everybody in between, can afford that.

4:21 So what's your excuse, brother? This, in my opinion, is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity because I have taken every single program out there. I keep my thumb on the pulse of the industry, and they do not even light a candle to what I'm offering here. NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming, has been the biggest game changer in my life and the life of my thousands of clients. All of them can attest to you just how powerful this technology is to remap belief systems, get rid of old traumas from the past, destroy approach anxiety.

4:52 I literally have an NLP protocol called the Approach Anxiety Destroyer, yet still some of you do not apply. And honestly, brothers, I do not understand it. The time has come when this podcast has affected you, when you're ready to step up, face your fears like a fucking man, and get to that next best version of yourself. When you have command of attraction from women, there is no better feeling in the world. All you have to do is click the link below, put in your application. You and I are going to talk directly.

5:22 Yes, you're going to get me, not one of my cronies or one of my assistants. You get me directly. We're going to see if we can at least 10x your results with women. What is the harm in exploring that with me? Nothing, not money, not fear, not pride. It's all bullshit. Every single guy who comes into my inbox, I'm like, damn, there's a fucking champion, a man who is willing to face his fears, admit to himself and to me that he has work to do, and that's a guy who's going to get to the next level, just like Jay did.

5:50 So I'm waiting for your application, gentlemen. There's literally no excuses. I will finance it for you. What else can you tell me? Nothing. The time has come, brothers. Put in your application right now. Let's get on that call together. All right, guys, so fear of rejection. Many of you don't know why this exists, yet you suffer from the ramifications of it. As I said, you see a hot girl, you talk yourself out of approaching her. Then for the next week, you're kicking yourself saying, dude, I wish I had the courage to approach her.

6:18 I wish I knew what to say. I wish I was just that dude who could approach without giving a shit what people think about me, because many times it's not her rejecting you that you're afraid of. It's what other people in the vicinity will think of you if you're rejected in public. This is such a huge anxiety for men. I have an entire protocol, as I mentioned, both in my NLP as well as in my tactical training in my three-month coaching program that goes heavy into this to rid my boys of approach anxiety.

6:49 And yes, many guys have zero approach anxiety when they graduate the program. Why? Because you realize that it's an anthropological phenomenon that starts with your safety. So the first thing we have to understand is that much of your behavior is based on tribal mentality. Tribal mentality means that we come from tribes. We haven't always lived in gigantic civilizations like we do today. When we were evolving, we were in small tribes of usually 200 to a couple thousand people. And in those tribes, what do you think was probably the most important thing to your survival?

7:26 It wasn't your ability to hunt. It wasn't your ability to have game. It wasn't even your ability to shoot an arrow through a Cheerio that's hanging off a tree. No, it's your reputation. Your reputation would keep you safe. Because if you approach the wrong girl, for example, in that tribe, the girl who belongs to the chief, the girl who belongs to the most effective hunter, the girl who belongs to the most effective warrior, or any other girl who belongs to somebody else, you could literally die.

7:58 Think about that, brother. If I approach that girl and it goes badly, I could die. That is literally mapped into your lizard brain. If I approach this girl, I could die. So in today's society, how long have we had to evolve out of tribal communities? Boys, think about this. As little as 100 years ago, there were still Indian tribes in the United States. A funny and I guess somewhat sadistic story that I like, me being the sadistic one, is when Yosemite National Park first opened, there was a tourist just trying to go look at Buffalo and a fucking Indian came up and killed him.

8:34 Think about that. Yosemite opens, everyone's like, ah, let's go bring our tents and trailers and fucking fat people with porta-potties and let's car camp and eat a bunch of s'mores and get even fatter. And a fucking Indian rides up and he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, boom, and just fucking slangs the dude with an arrow. That's how recently we have been in tribal communities. So to fight it and to say, man, I shouldn't have this is bullshit. You should have it because it's kept you alive for literally eons.

9:03 So we have to first forgive ourselves for approach anxiety because there's a very real anthropological and good reason for why it exists to keep you safe. But here's the difference. In today's society, it doesn't matter if you get rejected. And through systematically exposing yourself to approaching women, yes, even sometimes getting rejected, you realize very quickly that it doesn't matter. That if the girl tells you no or she even says something mean to you like, get away from us. We don't want to talk to you. You walk away and you're like, huh, I didn't get hit over the head with a rock.

9:38 I didn't get an arrow shot through my eyeball. I'm OK. I survived it. And then what happens is you retrain your mind. You literally reprogram your brain, which is what NLP does, neuro-linguistic programming, to understand that fear of rejection is bullshit in today's society. But we're working against eons of conditioned behavior, aren't we? So you literally have to get out there and retrain your brain. Now, obviously, in my coaching program, I have the Approach Anxiety Destroyer, which does that like a black hole shortcut for you.

10:12 But if you're not going to join my program, which I honestly don't understand why you wouldn't, you have to do this this way. You have to systematically get exposure. You have to prove to your subconscious mind that Approach Anxiety doesn't have any weight in today's society. It means absolutely nothing. OK, so we're going to take that and we're going to kind of push it to the side. We're going to keep it on the periphery and understand that there's a very good reason why we have this Approach Anxiety, but it doesn't apply in today's society.

10:38 So we're kind of holding on to that lesson as we explore other reasons. Other reasons include nothing but belief systems. Belief systems such as don't talk to strangers. How many of us, when we were children, were told by our parents, don't talk to strangers. If they come up to you in a van with a unicorn decal on the side and they offer you candy, don't get in that van because it's probably a sicko that diddles little kids. So instead of getting in that van, you say, after a while, pedophile, and you walk away.

11:06 Don't talk to strangers. Do you guys think that lessons that we are taught as children suddenly evaporate from our minds when we become adults? Obviously not. So these belief systems such as don't talk to strangers, don't inconvenience people, don't rock the boat, don't make people uncomfortable, don't approach people who you don't know because they could be dangerous. All these belief systems are still within you, brother. So here you are fighting this uphill battle against approach anxiety, not only because your lizard brain thinks you might get shot in the freaking balls with an arrow, but also because you've been taught since childhood to not talk to people you don't know.

11:44 So now you're fighting against all these belief systems, and it takes a monumental amount of effort to overcome that. Let's talk about rejection itself. A lot of us, unfortunately, as I've been discussing lately in my podcast, are in our feminine energy. Feminine energy, in my opinion, is the most despicable thing to find in a man and prevents him from every avenue of success. That's why also when I have guys apply to my program, I hold them to certain standards. You have to reply to my emails within 24 hours.

12:15 You have to be a fucking trigger puller when it comes to doing the homework assignments. You have to show up to the coaching calls. You have to do the NLP. And if you don't, I'm going to be on you like white on rice, like flies on shit, like girls on Mark Singh's dick, because you need to get into your masculine energy in order to execute. Femininity in a man, as I spoke about in my previous episode, has him procrastinate, has him make excuses, has him bitch out, and also has him externally validated.

12:45 Externally validated means you are putting too much emphasis on what other people think about you. You probably have a belief system, which can be removed with NLP, by the way, in as little as 20 minutes, that what other people think about me is really important. Why are we taught this? Because, again, our reputation. When we're children, it's important to maintain a good reputation. So we get attention from our parents, attention from our teachers, acceptance from our friends. So we're taught this as men, but when you become an adult, acceptance from others doesn't mean shit.

13:17 What people think of me is none of my business. So even if you send me hate mail, it makes me laugh, brother, because it just communicates to me how low vibrating you are, how much your life sucks. It has nothing to do with me. The only thing that matters to me is my own filter. What do I think of myself? So when guys have approach anxiety, fear of rejection, they're afraid that she's going to make a statement about their worth as a man. And therefore, if they reject him, he is going to be absolutely annihilated.

13:47 In fact, some of my clients admit to me, brother, I am so afraid that if she rejects me, it's going to crumble my self-esteem completely, and I'll never be able to approach another girl again. It will leave me decimated. It will leave me in shambles. I will be an absolute wreck of a man, half the man I used to be, and not be able to approach girls ever again for the rest of my life. This is how much importance they're placing externally, relying on her to validate them.

14:14 This often happens, by the way, to very good-looking guys. Good-looking guys who have been validated their entire life for their appearance are now externally validated. Why? Because they've been validated. So they're afraid to approach girls because that one girl might prove to them that it's not true. I'm not good-looking. I'm not attractive. You know what I say? Fuck what she thinks. The only thing that matters is your opinion of yourself, and here's how to frame it. Gentlemen, you put your feelings of success on the effort, not the result.

14:44 Did I have the balls to approach that girl? Did I overcome the fear that she placed upon me and these eons of fear of rejection to approach her? And if the answer to that is yes, I feel great about myself, regardless of what she said. She doesn't know me. And furthermore, gentlemen, why are you giving her so much power? She's an idiot if she doesn't like you, and that's what I always think. I still get rejected, boys, but you know what I think when I walk away?

15:10 I shake my head, and I'm like, dude, that chick is an idiot. She didn't recognize the greatness before her. She didn't see the amazing conversation she was about to have. She didn't understand the champion that she just had standing in front of her that could have been her man. She messed up. She fucked up. She's an idiot. How many of you guys think that? No. Instead, you think, oh, I'm not worth it. I'm not good enough. Boys, why are you letting yourself go down that level of depravity, of weakness?

15:39 Instead, say to yourself, brother, you are a champion for approaching that girl. And smack yourself on the arm and say, dude, I'm proud of you, man. I'm proud of you. And laugh to yourself and be like, that girl was an idiot because she rejected me. That's the reframe. I also want you to explore these belief systems. Don't talk to strangers. Huge one. Don't inconvenience people. Another huge one. People don't want to be bothered is a huge one. And this comes from our parents. Our mom's saying, oh, I hate it when salespeople come up to me or no solicitors.

16:10 Don't come to our door because you're inconveniencing me. The way I see it is, if I'm doing door-to-door sales, I can improve that person's life. And how do I know that somebody coming to my door can't improve my life? I just don't have those belief systems anymore. But I'll tell you, I used to. I used to have major approach anxiety. So much, in fact, I couldn't even look at a girl, let alone go talk to her. But through NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming, I was able to completely remove them.

16:38 Belief systems like, they don't want to talk to me. I'm not good enough. I have nothing to say. I have nothing to talk about. Bullshit, boys. You have tons to talk about. And I know if you resonate with me, if you feel like we're two homies who are sitting around the campfire exchanging stories, I would like you to. I see it time and time again. Every single guy that comes into my coaching program, I'm like, dude, another champion. Another dude who I would be pumped to hang out with.

17:04 And that's the way you need to look at yourself. You have value, bro. You have worth, my friend. You are a fucking champion that a girl would be pumped to be with. And you have to believe that. Even if you don't come into my program and let me remove all those belief systems from you like a splinter from your brain and replace them with good belief systems, just get open to this concept. Why am I believing this bullshit? And then start exploring what those bullshit belief systems are.

17:33 Don't inconvenience people. Don't rock the boat. I'm not good enough. I have nothing to talk about. I'm not charismatic. I'm not witty. Really, boys? You're not witty? I guarantee you, no matter who you are listening right now, I don't care how introverted you are, how stifled you are, you have had charismatic moments. You have had moments where you've cracked people up, been witty, probably with your best friends, maybe with your brother, maybe with your dad. Whoever it is that you feel comfortable around, you are witty with them.

18:03 You can banter with them. You can be that alpha with them. The problem isn't the fact that you're not witty. You don't have things to say. The problem is that you have belief systems about not being witty and not having anything to say. Nothing to say? Are you fucking kidding me? I have 560 episodes about attraction building concept this, attraction building concept that, how to tell stories, how to be charismatic. It's all here. More importantly, of course, in my three-month coaching program because I curate everything and I only give the premier content to my clients.

18:34 This, in my opinion, is like my tier two kind of content. And yes, if you come into my program, you get my entire vault of secrets. But even in this podcast, I could take three concepts from this and get girls attracted to me just that easily. Not because of the concepts, but because I believe in myself, because I know I'm enough, because I know if she rejects me, she's a freaking schmohawk, bro. She's a mountain troll, a chick who would be called Trailer Swift, a girl who's so pale, if they named a paint after her, it would be called recently deceased white.

19:06 She is not up to my level. And of course, I'm making jokes. It's not about what she looks like. It's about who she is. And if she doesn't understand the championhood that stands before her, that's her issue. This is frame control in its essence, gentlemen. Reframing it to make it her issue, not yours. So belief systems, question them over and over again. When you see a hot girl, ask yourself, why did I not approach her? What is it that I believe? Okay, I understand. I believe I'm not enough for her.

19:36 I believe I have nothing to talk about. She wouldn't want to talk to me. She's probably getting a guy who's way better than I am. I'm insecure, so I'm going to be like trembling and all nervous. So I don't want that to happen. I definitely don't want other people to see me get blown out because that would be embarrassing. I don't want to walk off with my tail between my legs. And perhaps, worst of all, she shatters me completely. Guys, look how much power you're giving this chick.

20:00 Look how much power you're giving these false belief systems. That, again, were given to you before you could defend yourself from them. I want you to really take note here because I know we're getting about 20 minutes in. Some of you are losing focus. Listen real carefully. Awareness alone is curative. If you are aware of your belief systems and you question them and say, why am I believing that? That is sometimes enough to remove them completely. Not always. And this is why I really believe in NLP because NLP will remove it.

20:29 Like, again, a splinter from your brain. But if you're not going to join me, just question them. Just be like, why am I believing that? I'm not enough. Like, who told me that? Oh, my dad. My dad used to call me an idiot. Or he said that you're not good at a certain thing. Or no girl would ever want to be with you. Or my brother is insecure. And because I wanted to build rapport with him, I bought into his bullshit. Gentlemen, explore these belief systems.

20:53 Question them. Because what is belief system? It's BS. Bullshit. It's just a freaking illusion that was installed in you when you were in a mild state of hypnosis up until 10 years old. And now you're hitting print on a printer that just keeps pumping out the same results. Fuck those results. Question them. The time has come to step up to the next best version of yourself. And that starts by questioning every single belief system you have that's negative and holding you back from approaching women. Now let's get a little bit more pragmatic.

21:24 How do we systematically expose ourselves to approaching women and getting over the fear of rejection? I talk about it all the time. If you guys listen for any amount of time, I hope you know what I'm about to say. That's right. Approach and eject. Approach and eject. Approach and fucking eject. You idiot. You got to get out there and approach girls and eject immediately before she can. Reject. What does this look like? Ask a simple question, bro, Tendo. Just be like, hey, where's the Starbucks around here?

21:52 Where's Burger King? Where's the freeway? Where'd you get that Del Taco? Hey, I like your van with the bubble on the side with the burrito decal on the hood and the unicorn decal on the side. You got a couch in that thing? And then after she asks your question, you eject. Again, eject before she can reject. Just ask a quick fucking question. Ask for directions. Ask where she got something. Ask for an opinion. And then get out of there. After you've done that 20, 40, 60 times, however long it takes you, then what you do is you begin stacking.

22:23 You ask another question. Then perhaps you use an attraction building technique. You get into a conversation with this girl and try to start maximizing that conversation in order to finally get her attracted to you to get a phone number. But listen, certain pickup artist coaches are going to tell you, I want you to approach that girl and I want you to try to get her phone number. Go, goddammit, right now. And they stand over you with their fists on their hips, looking over you like a freaking fourth grade teacher who's all pissed off.

22:48 And they say, you better go do it. Horrible way to do it. Any pickup artist coach that tells you you have to go try to get phone numbers is leading you down a path of further approach anxiety. My whole thing is, I don't want to put you in a negative feedback loop. I want to put you in a positive feedback loop. And you do that by approaching and ejecting, realizing that most people are cool when you're cool to them, realizing that strangers are friends I haven't met yet, and realizing that rejection is just a false fear.

23:17 What is fear? False evidence appearing real. And you realize, thus proving to your lizard brain, that no, I'm not in danger. I'm not going to get hit over the head with a rock if I approach this girl and get rejected. All that's going to happen is she's going to say, no, I'm going to walk away thinking that she's the idiot, not me being the idiot, but her. And I'm going to realize that fear of rejection is just this mythological beta program put in my head by a myriad of reasons and doesn't truly exist.

23:46 Awareness alone is curative, gentlemen. So question your thoughts. Approach and eject with women. Get used to approaching them, seeing that most are pretty cool when you're cool to them. Understand that your lizard brain is giving you the fear of rejection simply to keep you safe and forgive all those things in yourself that have kept you stifled and prevented you from approaching women in the past and choose a new chapter. The time has come, gentlemen, to approach women. Women want to be approached. 80% of women are desperately looking for validation outside themselves.

24:19 The other 20% are open to it. What does that mean? Girls in today's age are being approached less times by less masculine men. They are disappointed, they are lonely, and they are desperate for us to approach them. So be that dude, that next level unapologetic alpha silverback who just fucking does it. Despite all the fear that you have going on inside your head, it's all an illusion. False evidence appearing real. You're going to prove to your lizard brain as well as your subconscious mind that women can be approached safely.

24:51 And once you get to that point, you have opened Pandora's box, my friend. Forgive the analogy, but it is literally a pussy avalanche. First of all, guys aren't approaching, so that puts you in a different category. Secondly, if you don't have fear of rejection, that means you can approach any girl you want. Any girl you want, anytime, just imagine how quickly your skill set's going to develop. Once your skill set develops, then you're able to flip attraction hot switches in her head on command, oh my hell, gentlemen, you're going to have the problem of too many girls instead of the problem of not enough girls.

25:26 So I want you to think of this podcast the next time you see a girl and you fail to approach her, which funny enough will probably happen to all you guys within the next three days at least. And I want you to question all the things that I've asked you to question in this one. And honestly, bro, just being straight up with you, I want you to question why you haven't applied to my program yet. It literally makes no sense. I can remove that approach anxiety like a splinter from your brain, including all the belief systems you have around it, including all the past traumas you've had, including all the bullshit that other people gave you before you could defend yourself.

25:59 And I'm waiting. If money is your excuse, I will fund the program for you and you can pay it back in as little as $150 per month. There's no reason why you shouldn't at least put in an application and explore working with me and my team on this system that has proven to be the most effective system for attracting women that has ever been created. And yes, I stand by that with a full heart because I know this shit is a game changer and it's waiting for you, brother.

26:27 I have a 10 production facility where I load you in the front and it's like boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. And then you come out of fucking 10 magnet. That's how effective this is. So guys, I hope you enjoyed this one. I just wanted to get you questioning things. I wanted to tell you why approach anxiety exists because again, awareness alone is curative. And of course, if you want to tackle this shit frontally, I literally have protocols called the approach anxiety destroyer that you will get if you join us in my three month coaching program.

26:53 And lastly, gentlemen, I just want to leave you with this. Don't take this shit so seriously. Have fun with it. Be lighthearted. If she rejects you, laugh at it. Be like, dude, this is just a game, man. I'm just having fun. I'm just throwing shit out there and seeing what sticks has nothing to do with me. It just has to do with the game. And I haven't mastered the game yet. You can't hit a home run in the World Series unless you've been in the batting cages practicing.

27:18 So stop putting it on you, bro. It's simply a skill set. I suck at golf. I'm horrible at golf. Why? Because I played four times. I've never went to the driving range or the putting green or whatever the shit is called and practiced. So do you think I get all down on myself if I have a bad game? No, I enjoy it. I try my best. And if I want to get better, I would hire a fucking coach to teach me the way, to speed me to the top of the mountain.

27:42 So to insult yourself because you're not naturally good at this, which is just a game, is stupid. And I hope you can see that. So be lighthearted. Laugh. Have fun. Girls just want to have fun. So have fun along with them. And don't take it so goddamn seriously. It literally does not matter. Gentlemen, I hope you've gained some positivity from this episode today. I draw podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays, so I'd really appreciate it if you come for the next one. And I will see you in the next episode.

28:08 Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.